welcome back hahahaha!!!

today's the long-awaited day: *drums pls* the return of Soe Thihahahahhahaha from myanmar!!! yayayayyay!! haha me and ah ting wanted to go airport n give him a grand welcm one (complete with orchid garlands and banners) but hahaha didnt want to trouble us...

so there i was at 1.50pm, lying on the cold marble floor in my living room, hugging a giant froggie soft-toy tt belongs to my sisand generally drifting into dreamland for lack of anythg to do... *rrrrriiiiiiinnnng!!!! rrrriiing rriiiiinnng!!!* wow! such flawless synchronisation! both my handphone and my house phone started ringing at the same time! and for once, the forever-cannot-hear-my-hp-ring-me managed to pick up the call...

"hullo...." i mumbled.

"hullo..." the guy on the other line mumbled back.

"hullo...?" i mumbled once again. (sorry lah i was still in a sleep-induced state!) "qing wen ni zao shui?"

"huanzhu ge ge... " came an all too familiar voice.

"Soe Thihahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!!" i yelped, mind suddenly cleared of all thoughts of sleepin and i jumped upright from my sleeping position. WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! wow the delight i felt at tt moment was stunning man! my sis thought i was mad (as usual haha) cos i was jumping around the hse in joy! was as if i won the lottery or smthg... one moment dead as a log, next moment active as a jumping bean! seems like we have been counting down a long time for the return of my good fren hahahaha! yay!! really missed hearing his voice and his signature "heeheeheehee"! ok i was too excited to recall what we talked abt, but there was a flurry of activity as i ended the call and immediately contacted ah ting to arrange for a get-together dinner! woohoo!!! =D

was quite reluctant to accompany my sis to orchard after tt... *sheepish* didnt help tt i was lugging my mammoth photo albums around once again! *moan* sorry to say i was quite grouchy hehehe... then it was time to meet ah ting and hahahaha!

6.30pm found me at clementi mrt station ctrl, grinning inanely to myself as i waited for the two VIPs... hahahaha was uncontactable becos his sim-card and phone were both with aung hein who's still in myanmar! and ah ting smsed to say she'd be late... tick-tock tick-tock....

7pm. arrival of ah ting VIP... hahhha... oh no but VIP hahahahaha is not here yet! we begin to fret. to worry. our imaginations run wild.

mebbe... he didnt adjust his watch to s'pore time?

mebbe he got robbed?

mebbe he overslept?

mebbe i grew too fat and huiting grew too pretty (in her own words hor!!! urgh haha) and he didnt recognise us?

mebbe i told him the wrong place or wrong time? *horrified*

mebbe he didnt noe what is meant by station ctrl?

mebbe he lost my hp no. and cldnt contact us?

mebbe he didnt recognise us out of our longyis.... haha

mebbe smthg urgent cropped up!!!

we were getting really anxious. ah ting called to enquire abt the number of kuok foundation house where hahaha is staying, while i contacted my fren who lives in kouk foundation hse too... but to no avail! the office's closed, no one answered... and still we waited... we have absolute faith in hahahaha tt he wouldnt be late unless he had a really good reason!

7.45pm saw two dejected souls with half-starved expressions standing at the exact same spot as an hr ago... we had tried walking in the bus interchange to look for hahahaha, even debated announcing thru the intercom of the loss of ah ting's husband, but hahahaha did not appear. *sob*

we decided to drown our sorrows in hawker food. over bowls of prawn noodles, we tried to cheer up... boohoo. smhow we were not angry leh! were quite concerned abt what had happened... "wah pls, let hahahaha be alrite!" had a mini prayer session smmore... after dinner, still sad so decided to binge smmore, on tang-yuan!! yummy glutinous rice balls! *slurp* we were tinking of gg back to the mrt at 8.30pm in case hahaha reali did not adjust his watch, which means s'pore 8.30pm will be burmese 6.30pm! and just as we were abt to head back... *riiiiinnnnng*

i grabbed my fone! it was hahahaha!!! *both of us fainted with happiness*

turns out tt he was so tired tt he overslpt hehehe... but still we were so glad to see him! and at the mrt station we saw lin tun and tay zar too! what a coincidence! mini myanmar-s'pore gathering! haha then the 3 of us went back to the same hawker centre so tt hahahaha can have his dinner. we talked, chatted, looked at photos, gossiped, did maths problem sums (eh ah ting just suddenly whipped out a stack of rough paper and commanded hahahaha to solve them eheh), took photos, moved to mcdonalds, talked even more. feels like yesterday tt we said goodbye in myanmar! was a really happy and fulfilling gathering eheh. planned to meet up in sci canteen and mugged together this coming semester! poor soe thiha, stuck with seeing alot of us whether he wants to or not liao haha! time zoomed by, and we soon found ourselves the only ppl left in mcdonalds. oops. its 00.20am already! tink the mc's ppl hate us haha. dragged ourselves out of the plave and hopped into a cab cos the mrt has long gone and so are the buses...

yawn. cab fare was really ex! gosh. i must eat grass for the next few days liao... ok a wave of exhaustion has overtaken me. i wanna slp like NOW. gdnite....

!!! woohoo !!!

YAY!!!!! this is a super super great day!!! ahah havent felt soooo ALIVE for a looong looong time!! ahah went to the red cross home for the disabled in the afternoon together with xtine, xtine's mum and a bunch of her colleagues!! my first time there, and the visit reminded me so much of my trip to spastic children's association last yr. actually was plannin to volunteer regularly at sca during this hols, but smhow they moved to pasir ris and i was too busy with myanmar trip and playing tt i didnt get down to doin it... oops. yep i am one lousy bum. *disgusted* oh well. anyway, it was a very humbling experience, smthg tt i cannot put into words. the kind of feelings i experienced while i was patting and trying to say some typical encouragin and comforting words to this child who's in alot of pain (he's having therapy) were very mixed. bittersweet. sympathetic. and a kind of i-had-to-be-strong-and-not-display-any-sign of weakness attitude. he was whimpering with pain, incoherent gasping and little noises that are the only means of communication he knows. me n xtine, we felt quite helpless. i kept smiling at him, i knew tt smhow i couldnt let him know tt we felt sad for him. if i were him, i wouldnt want sympathy. i wouldnt want to get those "oh my he's so pitiful" looks that keep boring into me. i want to see smiles, i want to feel loved, i would want a human touch. i would want someone to stay by my side, telling me to be strong, not to give up, i can do it! dunno why, but both xtine and i feel that there's smthg infinitely special abt the physical human contact. a little pat, a gentle massage can convey love and care like a thousand words can never do.

actually the home is itself a very bravely cheerful place tt speaks of alot of hidden sadness and unshed tears. but as a volunteer, i feel like i have to be a smiley and cheerful individual instaed of being a silent helper. the rare visitor can choose to either be a backstage worker, unseen and unheard, or try and be a beam of sunshine to the residents there who have little to laugh abt in their lives. it was heartening to see the more lucid residents smiling, waving, and chatting to us in return. in the end, the highlight of the trip wasnt the scary time up the ladders as we clean and spray-painted the fans (haha our hair became speckled white and so were our contact lenses!!! hiak =P) but the fact that there were ppl who actually seemed happy that we were there. just by simply being there. heart-warming!

we were draggin our feet by the time we left... wah. and we were only there for 2 hrs! cos we had arranged to meet up with lihui, meiling and zhengyi a long time ago! haha was s'pose to fly kite, eat at prince then go ktv-ing, but in the end we decided not to fly kite. no time. =( me n xtine were sooooooooooooo tired tt we decided its not worth the effort to change into our meet-civilisation clothes. ahah in the end we just walked all over the modern citylink mall in our cannot-make-it hwa chong PE attire. we looked... sloppy. haha as zhengyi so cuttingly put it, we were the lower class compared to the rest... GRRRR. oh but we felt so liberated! unfettered and dont-carish abt what society demands, which means lookin presentable when u go town. heheheh both of us felt so rebellious and "say" when we strolled ard in our beggar drabs! hiak. our poor frens tried to pretend they didnt noe us... (ok it was only zhengyi the superficial guy who did it huh!) we ended up at the aircon hawker centre! haha it feels like the good old days! tink the ppl sitting around us thought we were mad... most of the time (when we were not slurping down curry or chowing down our tomyam) we were gesticulating madly, talking at the top of our voices, throwing our heads back with laughter and basically making a fool out of ourselves! haha not tt we are trying to attract attention, but tts just the way thgs become whenever the five of us get together... we became wild. haha. unrestrained. ok must admit i was abit high with joy from meeting such dear frens again after such a long time tt meiling thought i was on drugs or smthg haha kept laughin at me... we did alot of stupid thgs lah, like tryin to name ourselves after the 7 dwarves ( i am dopey! ahah cos i am feelin high)... felt young again! then we decided to go ktv-ing woooohooo! too bad meiling had to go cos she still has to work tmr!

tts when the most memorable part of the night began.

we called ahead to book a room for ktv, then decided to take a cab down to the place. we stood by the roadside. assume a hail cab pose. were ignored. decided to stand on the road. waved like siao. stood in the middle of the lane, continued being ignored!!! all the cabs were either busy or occupied or hired or on call! *faintz* so there we were for half an hr, standing in the light drizzle, waving like madmen (haha tink sm cabbies were scared of us!), we even stooped to tryin to get into cabs tt stopped at red light! hiak. didnt help tt we found the whole thg super exasperating but very amusing too! zhengyi came up with a theory tt we must have died and evryone cant see us tts y we cant get a cab... when a taxi finally stopped in front of us, i almost sobbed with happiness!! ahah we wanted to kiss the feet of the taxi uncle!! thx uncle, we love you!

rushed into the ktv room, plonked down into the seats and then there was a mad scramble to pick out the songs we wanted to sing... YAY! and then we reali all let loose of our hair and had a uncensored head-shaking, hands-waving, dance like mad ktv session! ahah i love it when i go ktving with this bunch of frens: xtine, lihui, meiling and zhengyi. cos we are all so comfortable with each other and so enthu abt ktv we juz do the maddest thgs in the rm!! its almost like clubbing cum ktv lor! we boogie to sm really old and dancey songs like cao meng's (the grasshoppers), had action-packed and angst-filled singing to songs like sun yanzi's "wo bu nan guo" and all sorts of weird songs we all happen to know and like like dancing queen!!! ended with backstreet boys' i want it that way, with all of us pretending to be a boyband and doing all the typical act cool actions imitated from the real mccoy ahahahhaahahhahahahahhhahahah... my goodness. had such a good time!!! then we had to rush for the last bus liao =(

wahhh. guess wat. me and zhengyi missed the last bus!!!! 190 just passed us by just like tt!!! *swoon* in the end we took 143 (the bus-driver didnt noe the bus route and got us lost!!!) and then ran like mad to catch 67!!!! such a long way from the busstop to the 67 busstop!!  my god. i never ran with so much verve and feeling of helplessness in my entire life before! stupid zhengyi nv wait for me! haha oh but luckily he ran faster and managed to stop the bus...! when i got off had to walk home. really creepy. i was imagining weird things and it didnt help tt smthg seems to be wrong with my discman and it keeps jumping! i was dying of self-induced fright! whew, never felt so glad to be home before... such a harrowing journey home too! tink i am gg to spend one whole day recuperating! =P

oh yay! soe thihaha (fondly known as HAHAHAHA) is coming back to singapore today! too bad he doesnt want me and ah ting to go and welcm him! thought we can paint welcm back banners for him and drown him with dozens of flower garlands... =P ehehhe let other ppl tink hes a popstar or smthg! hiak. tt will be so fun! we miss him alot! ahhahaha. WELCOME BACK HAHAHAHA!!! *beams*

ok time to concuss on my bed. 2.40am. my, i am an owl. zzzzzzzzz

taegukgi

WAH. ok hope i got the name correct... taegukgi, or otherwise known as brotherhood. wow. went to catch this movie with ah ting today, had alot of thoughts abt it.

abt how senseless war is. how wrenching it is for families to be torn apart by war. how brave soldiers have to be, and how mentally strong they have to be to face the horrors of war. how everyone become nameless on the battlefield, with evryone seemingly clearly demarcated by the titles Foe or Friend. everyone become faceless, nameless, identity-less. not a much-respected father, not a well-loved brother, not a doting husband, not a bosom buddy, not a cherished grandson, not an excellent student, not a unique individual who has been a big part of smbody else's life.  but how can things be simplified so? its disgusting how a difference in ideology can bring abt such rampant and mindless killing, with such an overload of hatred and need of revenge that ppl who are not yet hurt in battle became automated cold-blooded killing machines or simply go mad. reminded me so much of my history lesson days. but its a very different experience to be reading facts from stacks and piles of notes and textbooks and to be presented with a very visual, very gory, very close-to-heart, very humane, very believable presentation of a war scene. *ponders hard* just feel... very sad when watching the show. i mean yar, i noe tt its just a show, but smhow smwhere smtime out there, alot of ppl have faced the same horrors, experienced the same kind of piercing grief, felt the same kind of excruciating pain. and watching this newly-drafted soldiers charging at the "enemies", i felt a certain respect for them. yes, its quite morbid to be out there killing your own fellow human beings, but it sure take lots of guts to charge in the face of imminent death. i for one cannot imagine myself having such courage. i will feel so alone, vulnerable, scared! and i would be afraid of pain, of being caught, of not being able to see my loved ones ever again.

i find this movie much more touching than just any other typical bloody gory war picture. mebbe cos it focused more on the close kinship btw this pair of brothers (lee jin-tae and lee jin-seok), the fierce, protective love the elder brother feels over his younger brother. there r really pts in time when ur heart just feels so full of emotions: fear, anxiety, doubt, injustice, anger, grief, sadness. a rojak. especially when u see the changes war wrought in evryone, see mistrust creeping into the younger brother's eyes as he watch his older brother metamorphosed into a seemingly heartless, cruel, medal-craving, attention-seeking soldier when in actual fact, he is doing evrythg he can to win a medal to send his younger brother home. i find his love for his brother overwhelming, very sacrificial, very selfless, the epitome of what kinship should be like. its the little simple things he do, like giving up his studies to become a shoeshine boy so as to send his brother to school, buying a pen that his brother liked for him with what little earnings he has, buying him an ice cream, and making him a pair of shoes... little actions that speak so loud.

in this present age, i feel that the importance and foundation of kinship has disintegrated to a huge extent. blood-ties seem to matter much less in the face of wealth, status, and evrythg material and superficial. children can abandon their parents, siblings can fight a raging court battle to decide who gets the largest share of settlement from their parents' estate, defenseless new-born babies can get thrown down into rubbish chutes. what is the world coming to man. how often do we give our daddies and mummies a hug? tell our sisters and brothers we love them? visit our grannies and give them a massage even if we speak their dialect like clowns? not often enough. for some ppl, not at all.

why is it that when the world is getting richer, the ppl living in it are increasingly filing for emotional bankruptcy. sigh. ok i sound so jaded and cynical and disillusioned. haha. smtimes lah, but not always. i'd be fine after rambling for awhile hee.

it always feels yucky to cry during a movie, quite funny, when we adjourned to the ladies' after the show, it was like a gathering of red-eyed weepy girls. not a single dry eye in sight!!! it was like a mass take-out-our-tissues-and-blow-our-noses-after-tt-long-big-cry gathering!! ahhaah. me n ah ting were quite amused actually... =P wahhh ting next time we go watch sm bimbo mindless laugh-like-mad comedy yar!!! i need a reprieve from weepy shows...!

ok time for beddy. my poor aching back...*ouch* i am really aging fast whoa. gross.

 

"This is part of what family is about, not just love, but letting others know there's someone who is watching out for them.
 
.... "spiritual security"- knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame."
 
                                                                                                            Tuesdays with Morrie

shopping woohoo~!!!!

YAY!!! great great day! had a super good sleep, twelve solid hours of deep snooze.... prob cos i was tired! yay! FINALLY went runnin... cos i was too furstrated yesterday ahahah =P thx xtine for listenin to me rant n rave like a madman heh *hugs*

oh yep went to collect my registered article today! so exciting. then went shopping with xtine!!! ahahah we were both in high spirits, havent met up properly for a long time liao... funny leh, today's shoppin trip was quite a surprise, we kept bumping into ppl from medfac!!! ahah. first we bumped into kelvin lor n another guy fr medfac, then we saw yuyi (with shan mian), then i saw terence! like, whoa. the whole m2 batch seems to be in town today haha... =) and i bumped into my long-time-no-see rv schmates too!!!! woohoo!! nana and yvonne!! ahahah so good to see evryone again after so long! *beams* was alot of fun running abt the malls hunting for clothes, and we r reali quite... ern uncontrolled haha... there was one pt in time we were tryin on reali ridiculous hats n posing away (ok i muz confess tt was xtine AHAH!)... tink the others thot we r tourists!!! hee. and i must comment tt ALL the ppl we met today r so nice! wow! very very friendly sales ppl we met!! *applause* i am impressed! for once i didnt feel a great sudden regret y i am not an ah lian who can just scold all the nasty sales ppl i meet... haha

hmmm retail theraphy really works i must say. all the unhappiness, depression, want-to-scream feelings just went away the minute we started on our quest ahah. ok, i was suppose to accompany xtine only, but i did buy sm stuff in the end... *ashamed* gah i hate myself since when did i becm such a vainpot!!! to tink we used to shop once evry blue moon. and only when our clothes r reali rotting already.... hmmmm. sheesh. my piggy bank is screamin for help! i tink i shld throw away my NETS (xtine suggested giving it to her n tellin her my PIN too... sorry gal hahaah i noe wat u r tinking... ) else i will be left with no $$$ to pay for my handphone bills for the next 5 yrs... haiyo. anyone got job offers?? employ me pls!!! i need to do smthg abt my rapidly dwindling finances!!!!

oh dear i haf found another icq-crappin partner... KELVIN LOR!!! ahahah oh my goodness this supposedly decent mr nice guy is seriously.... erm. ah. nvm. i dont wish to get beaten up!!! rite JIAHAO? *chuckles* lets just say tt he is just as bhb, as himbotic, as crappy as the rest of us ahhahaha... welcm to the club! heheh i gonna announce to the whole world wat a not-tt-decent guy he is haha... oh dear i am so evil. gosh. i wonder wat has gotten into me these days!!!

yawn. ok better slp soon... tmr gg town again with a ting! yay! n thursday gg to meet up (FINALLY!!!) with lihui and zhengyi and xtine!!!! WOOHOO!!! n gg red cross home too!!! yay! i love it when my days r not just abt lazing at home with no purpose in life...

 
HAPPIE 20TH BDAE TO MY DEAR OLD FREN HARI!!!!! wonder where u r these days...

 

"If you hold back on the emotions- if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them- you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails."
 
                                                                                                                Tuesdays with Morrie
 

rojak feelings

help. i am depressed. trying to get it out of my system now by toking to xtine.... GAH. help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! feel like banging my head against the wall and sobbing out loud. WHY must it happen to me????? its not fair, not fair at all. *gloom* how huh xtine. is there any way out if this uncalled for and absolutely repulsive mess tts my life now! i feel so unhappy. =(   its like a thorn in my flesh. i want to pluck it out but dunno how to do it without making it worse... pls smone tell me wat to do! i haf this constant feelin of SUFFOCATION, cannot take it anymore. pls pls let me keep my cool and not do anythg foolish like slappin the person.

 
ahhhhhhhhh. thank god for frens who can crap with me n make me tink this whole thg is more tolerable. heheh feels good to chat with my ex-KE hostelmate maojie aka HIMBO!!! whahaha very thick-skinned guy hiak whos super easy to tok to... likes to wear hairbands n walk all over the place hehehe... oops i havent bought him a pink sequinned hairband as i promised! hey xtine lets go shop for his hairband tmr hahaha... =P saw peiya today when i was gg to sch too!!! miss her soooooooooooo very much!!! one great gal who has a really infectious and bubbly laugh!!!! wahhhhhhhh i miss the hostel days... when me n xtine will race down the corridors n do stupid thgs like play sm string game outside our rooms the eve of our tests... heheh case of nerves! and how we loveeeeeeeeeee to disturb peiya n yuanting whenever we pass their rooms to go toilet... and the toilet tt REFUSE to open esp when u r in urgent need... and how xtine the se lang will always try to catch a glimpse of her ke shuai ge ahhahahahha.... and how our ears always get blasted off by music from himbo's rm!!! sigh. how cm it feels like such a long time ago?

hmmm *tinktinktink* got another comment for an anonymous, aiyo i am all confused lah dunno if its the same person! anyway, i am not judgin or anythg lah, but i seriously haf very bad vibes abt Boy. tink hes out for fun only u noe? and Girl A is very very very very very close to me, she dont deserve to b hurt again. i noe its hard to say whos wrong and whos rite in this kind of thg, cos cupid will strike without warnin n stuff, but juz sayin tt this guy is seriously nt the kind u will trust ur gd frens with! yepp...

oh yar maggie!!! ahha welcm back hm, reali glad to noe ur holiday in nuh is over!!! yippee!!!! =D ehhh i dunno how to link ppls' blogs to mine leh, ahha can teach me?? so sorry...

penning off, want to thank my burmese ko ko (brother) for sending me another letter so soon. really makes my day!i feel very happy and touched to be remembered! *warm feelin* actually myanmar seems like such a long-ago experience now, smtimes i wonder if it actually took place. the carefree-ness. the laughter. the joy? hard to believe we haf only been back one mth and evrythg was just like before already. life goes on. 

 
"Love each other or perish. Without love, we are birds with broken wings."
                                                                                                                   - Tuesdays with Morrie
 

 

aunt agony=me!

wow i woke up at 2pm today. wat an amazing feat! havent done tt in donkey days liao.... previous day only slpt for 4 hrs smmore.... hiak.

am in reflective and silent mood today (cos i lost my voice liao!!!!! ARGHHHHHHH torment!!!!!!!!!), becoming even more so as i continue Tuesdays-ing with Morrie... really a very very good book, almost forgot how much sense the book talks! (thx hope for lending me ur book a lonnnnng time ago heh) hey for ppl who have not read it, GO READ IT!!!!!!!!!! will do loads of good!

talked to smone for a long long time in the afternoon, was acting as aunt agony. the name of this person shld remain undisclosed for privacy reasons. hmmm. lets call her Girl A. Girl A likes Boy who is attached to Girl B, and Boy likes Girl A too... so they r sort of together now, which makes Boy a two-timing jerk and Girl A a third party. sigh. if i didnt noe A i would prob hate her and tink she's a terrible person to have gotten involved with Boy. but i guess things get complicated when A is such a good good friend of mine whom i really know very very well, and shes simply not the type of person to do this kind of thing!!! *headache* but i cant convince myself wat shes doin is right either, yet when i try to rationalize thgs out for her it just seems to get even more complex... hmmm. to quote her, "shit happens". but as i said, so shit does happen in life, but i guess its up to us to either duck, dodge the flying shit and flush it down the toilet bowl or to smear it on  our faces... (ok sorry guess i am quite gross) so it wasnt planned and never in her wildest imagination had she dreamed tt she will fall for a guy whos attached, but c'mon its still wrong for her to be involved. *tinktink* guess falling in love does make us irrational ppl bah, but i feel tt Boy is really such a JERK! i mean, either way he has his path planned out already. he can continue two-timing the 2 girls, or if he choose to break up with his girlfriend, theres already another girl waiting for him mah. fingers itching to slap him. (to clarify, i am normally a super not violent and passive person unless i feel strongly abt smthg) tink hes too smooth lor! hey c'mon make up ur mind who do u love? not tt i do not believe we r incapable of loving more than one person at any time in life, but hey! not being fair bah, esp since we live in a society who swears by monogamy! Girl B will be devastated to realise she has been two-timed, n will hate Girl A too and meanwhile Girl A will be upset for each day Boy and Girl B has not spilt up. *sigh* and the guy will meanwhile haf the best of both worlds!!! (ok i am itching to hum-tum him again) but yet i really find it hard to dish out advice. cos one never knows wat will happen in the future rite? wat if he really turns out to be The One for Girl A.... and if Girl A really nv takes the plunge then she wont ever really noes. but if she does, so many ppl will get hurt!!! wahhh life is full of contradictions. 

anyway, talked to Girl A abt alot of other stuff, and thru talking i realised tt i really haf alot of wise-sounding thgs to say. hmm. amazing. thoughts i nv thought i have in my mind juz spilled out easily as if i have been meaning to say them all this time... weird rite? =P

to end off, let me share yet another very meaningful quote from Tuesdays with Morrie:
Learn how to die, and you learn how to live.

" ... most of us walk around as if we're sleepwalking.we really dont experience the world fully, because we're half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do.

and facing death changes all that?

oh yes. you strip away all that stuff and you focus on the essentials. when you realize you are going to die, you see everything much differently.

... we're deficient in some way. we are too involved in materialistic things, and they don't satisfy us. the loving relationships we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted."

hmm how sad it will be to only realise you have lived all your life chasing the wrong dreams and wrong stuff when you reach the end of the journey. and worse if you still don't realise it after life passes on... wah ok sounding abit morbid liao but very very true. til then folks! =)

HAPPIE BDAE TO MY OLDEST FRIEND!!!!!!!!! *hugs*

(p.s to yi: ehh? wat ba gua??? theres no ba gua btw me n my counsellee HOR! *shakes head* pls lorrrrrr............ gossip-monger!)
 
yay!!! its ah ting's bdae today!!!! ahahah also happen to be a big wet cold day.... BRRRRR.
HAPPIE 20TH BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muahahahhahahah. i am super proud of myself today, schemed and plotted with yiqing, ivan, txl, alvin to lure ah ting to my hse for a surprise bdae gathering!!!! woohoo!!!! woke up early (had to drag myself outta bed cos it was such a nice weather to laze in bed in!!!!) and started to mentally prepare myself to pull off The Scam of the year! had to refrain from replying to ah ting's msges and answering her calls, cos i actually lied to her saying tt i signed her up for some beach-cleaning campaign today heh. the plan was to call her at the last min to say tt my eyes and lips r swollen (which i assure u is completely believable!!! happens to me ALL the time ahhaha =P) and to ask her to come n collect her bdae present... evryone arrived by 10.50am... yes even alvin who lives in punggol!!!! wahhhh *respect* then i made the pretend call. hiak. was quite exciting man!!! not easy to fool ah ting u noe... smmore i very lousy one, ppl can always see thru my lies wahhhhh. but i really REALLY put in alot of effort today!! and guess wat... we did it!!! after a few min of haggling n much reluctance, ah ting agrees to cm over to my hse (which is one busstop away fr her hse heh)... in the meantime, we ordered a feast to be delievered from pizza hut n KFC!!! woohoo!!!
then went to put candles on the cheesecake i baked (looks edible leh) and waited....
 
ah ting arrived! woohoo! i hafta pretend to look sick lah but quite weird cos my eyes n lips r so not swollen lor... but the unsuspecting ting didnt say anythg! ahah. then the rest juz popped out with the cake and started singing the bdae song... wahhhh shld haf seen ting's face! hiak. so funny, she started hoppin ard in joy? shock? delight? YAY!!! operation successful!!!! turns out tt she didnt suspect a thing... i feel like an accomplished actress, shld give me an oscar award waddya tink??? *beams* presented to her our gift of a super tai-tai-ish PINK long wallet which costs a small bomb, then tucked into the feast.... *groan* all of us almost died from overeating!!! in the end, there was one whole pizza left untouched, along with 2 dessert pies, 1 drumstick, and half-finished whipped potato n coleslaw.... ting went hm to change into her going-out clothes, then we set off for town!!
 
actually wanted to catch a movie... but then complications arised. in the end we just sat at Plaza Singapura's Gelare for a few hours taking fotos, chit-chatting n tryin to wake ourselves up with coffee!! (most of us slpt super little last nite =P)... ehhh we were quite enthu abt taking pics of our driving licences (turns out tt all 6 of us had passed yippee!!!) and kept snapping away! haha... qichang came to join us after work, while txl left with pam and another fren... due to the super fast sold-out tix, we decided nt to watch movie lah. went pastamania at cineleisure to makan n continue chattin..........
 
abt ah ting and ah li: once upon a time, in January 1991, two little girls became friends in a small clsrm in SVPS. (ok one of the girls was not that little lahh =P) and so the story begins... their paths continued to cross over the next 14 years, in which they were clsmates for 10 years with another 4 more years to go, and were cca-mates. SVPS prefectorial board, piano-mates, RVHS interact club and council, HCJC council, proj somanassa... it didnt matter tt the two girls r actually quite different in terms of personality, they became great friends! best of friends who can talk abt anythg under the sun, be it gossip or heart-to-heart talk. not tt the friendship was without ups and downs, ppl do disagree smtimes after all.. =P but now!!! best frens they still are! presenting, lim hui ting and lim huili!!! and nope, we are not twins even though we both have an older sis who share the same name lim huiwen ahahha =D) and we live so near to each other and we are still clsmates in uni!!! whoa! hmmm tink its really fate that make us frens, and this is the 14th time i am celeb ur bdae for u!! wow. time really flies eh! haha thx for being such a great fren, tink sm of ur characteristics have rubbed off me (like sense of adventure etc hee)... thx for being my listenin ear! thx for all the little notes and many bdae gifts u haf given me... thx for walking with me thru so many memorable experiences in life!!! will always cherish u, u r a great joy to have ard... stay pretty and smiley and may u find ur prince charming soon!!! *gigantic hug* =D
 
hmmm my throat's itching like mad n i'm coughing away like an old lady... better go slp liao heh. juz read an email from a friend tts making me quite confused abt sm stuff. *tinktink* need to sort out my thoughts arghhhhhh.
 
to end off, juz to share smthg from Tuesdays With Morrie (by mitch albom) with u guys, a book i have read and decided to buy for keeps:
"principle of the tension of opposites- life is a series of pulls back and forth. you want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. something hurts you, yet you know it shouldnt. you take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
 
a tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. and most of us live somewhere in the middle."
 
life is therefore like a wrestling match.
 
" which side wins?
 
love wins. love always wins."

looking like a brown tomato...

argh. i am sunburnt. skin's peeling like sm cracked wall-paint, look unevenly brown as if i tan different parts of my face at different times! in other words, looking a fright. *hiak* =P not tt i care lah, have always wanted to be browner but always fail to tan, only will burn-and-then-peel-like-crazy. oh wellllllllllll....

haha juz finished baking another cheesecake! this time using a diff recipe, choc cheesecake... wowwwww smells heavenly!!! a good sign i hope!!! so tiring lor, its already 1.26am why am i awake... tink i am morphing into an owl liao... *hoot* sheesh i am typing gibberish arent i???

flag week has officially started! yawn had to wakey at 7.30am lorrr to go sch for mtging.... *grumbles* oops hope shaofeng the towkay dont see this hah! =P but quite a relief to pass on ALLLLLL my responsibilities to my dear junior m1 successors, non other than... taaaddaaaa!!!! eleanor and qin yong from my OG!!!! *clapclap* eheheeh... it feels so good to rattle on all i noe abt nussu flag-day to them, feels like i dont hafta do anythg oredi lor!!! yippeeeee!!! ahhah. and not bad, they seem quite capable of fending for themselves... *beams* so no more worries! haha. time to retire liao. whew. and great to have linus helping me and colin will b coming down on flagday to help out too! thx ppl!

met up with yiqing and ivan in orchard to... erhmmm shop for a present. heh. whose one i wont say lah its gonna be quite obvious!!! then went to chitchat at delifrance, until aiwen has to go and teach tuition.... and yiqing has to go pak toh.... =P oh yar muz mention this i saw Shortbread in NTUC tonight again! after not having seen him for donkey months... at least i tink it was him, or his brother mebbe? the resemblance was uncanny but mebbe wasnt lah, cos this guy look abit different... quite a surprise to see him, cos i was in NTUC for a total of 5 min only haha... was rushing to buy ingredients for my cheesecake!!! hmmm tink he didnt recognise me cos my hair's short and i look so chao ta!!! heh.

oh yar! i have a counsellee!!! hehe non other than qin yong hiak. =D hope he dont expect too much academic help from me... cos i am definitely not a super intelligent person!!! hah too late to change anyway teehee. quite happy lah to have a counsellee whom i can talk to freely and who is so talkative like me hehehe...

alritey hafta wakey REAL early tmr... and gotta go wrap pressies... nitenite...

 
HAPPIE 20TH BIRTHDAY MISS LIM HUITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANY HAPPIE RETURNS OF THE DAY AND MAY YOU ALWAYS BE HAPPY AND PRETTY AND INTELLIGENT!!!! THX FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT PAL FOR THE PAST 13.5 YEARS!!! HERE'S TO EVERLASTING FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!!!!
*BIG FAT GIANT HUG* 

I AM BACK!!! YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!! woohooooooooooo~*

WOW i am back!!!!! ahahahaha after 4 days of medicamp-ing..... ehhehee.... feels good to sleep for 10.5 solid hours once i got home. concussed on my nice soft bed since 12pm... woke up at 10.30pm... *disappointed* i actually thought that i can sleep for 15 hours lor. =P

first... *wipes a big tear away* thanks for missing me!!!! (mr anonymous one... izit u hahahaha??) are u back in singapore already? (if u r hahahahaha... =p) i missed everyone too! sigh. but being in camp helps lah, its a big distraction to look after so many "blur" juniors and to cheer them on! had a GREAT & TERRIFIC time!!!! whoopee! ahah...

ok now gonna write down my thoughts abt this exciting camp liao. by the way, for friends who are going to see me the next fe days, pls dont be shocked. i have FINALLY become brown! yay! ahah got sunburnt ouch. all the playing and running in the sun... whew. at least my lips didnt get soooooo burnt that they swell to the size of giant sausages like last year!! i looked a fright last year lor hoho. =D

hmmmm actually i was regretting joining the camp just before i went for the camp... was feeling very drained and tired and still immersing myself in my myanmar memories. didnt want to leave my computer for fear my friends will email me or smthing. then smmore got phobia of meeting terrible juniors who may be stuck-up and unfriendly... =P haha yep i wasnt too optimistic! was feeling quite antisocial, cos still got a teensy weeny bit of myanmar withdrawl symtoms left heh. oh but wow! not bad at all i LOVE my OG!!!! really a bunch of very very nice ppl, all unique in their own ways... GIGANTE WE ROCK!!! ahaha.... guess it helped alot that the OGLs whom i was with are all my mugging grp friends!!! ayay! xtine, cristelle, sherm, mich, shaofeng, wes, greggie, sennie, linus, darryl, kelvin lor and jing yu (hmm ok mebbe not all... heheh) haha had almost forgotten how crazy we can get when all of us are together... =p and kelvin and jing yu were very in tune with us too! like wow, when i didnt even know who jing yu was before this... *thumbs up* as for the junior m1s.... started out really quiet and quite shy abt cheering and on the whole being wild and loud like erhmm us, but was really a great joy to watch them gradually get used to each other, feel at ease and start opening up and taking the initiative to cheer and play with enthusiasm. we were all quite worried at first bah, cos evryone looks so contained and quiet and quite unresponsive to our promptings to cheer and stuff, but at the end of the camp, these m1s are ppl i would NOT have passed up to know! ruxin, eleanor, charmaine, natalie, joanna, lenith (hey who disappeared after the 2nd day!), qin yong, jian ri, sam, fu qiang, terence, colin... i am sooooooooo proud of you guys. displayed team spirit and always lose with grace (not that we lost alot lahhh) and always played games with a good attitude! no matter how dirty or yucky and eeky they are haha... *beams*

lets see, 1st day of camp... passed in a blur lah. what happened huh? cant remember much, except that we painted our flag (enamel paint!!! *faintz*) and came up with cheers... and celebrated cristelle momma's 20th bdae yahoo!!!!!! had a fruitcake and gave her a nice silver bracelet and the loccitane free gift pack that the 3 of us (xtine, cris and me) got a few mths back when we jointly bought sm stuff hehe... HAPPIE 20th BIRTHDAY CRIS!!!! thx for being such a great pal to me... !!!

2nd day was much more happening!!! started out with group games and wowee! still recall that we won 3 out of 4 games... i was very very happy for them cos last yr my OG was the erm OG with the best sportsmanship... (in other words we lost almost all the games we played hehehehe =P) though my OG didnt mind at all and still had a whale of a time, tink we are quite special in that we really didnt mind so much lah. anyway tink its a great morale booster to be able to win at least in a fair number of games! helped alot in promoting team spirit woah! xtine was SUPER, leading the cheers and really being indispensable in keeping spirits at an all time high! kudos to u girl haha... =D highlight of the day: toothpaste game where toothpaste had to be passed from body-part to body-part. ahhh. last of the line consisted of a girl-guy pair and the girl had to pass the toothpaste from her lips to... ehhh izit the belly-button area of the guy??? haha alamak sooo awkward can! must bow to the two great sacrificial ppl: natalie and kelvin!!! *bows deeply* dont ask me why, but this camp seems to have alot of this kind of games going on wahh! ok lah, as OGLs we didnt play alot, and it didnt help that ALL the female OGLs in our grp are sick!!! except for sherm who was jet-lagged... (welcm back shermy!!! *hugs*) oh but i must say i was very proud of myself in poison ball, was the 1st time ever that i lasted sooooooooooo long in poison ball! was in fact one of the last few girls left within the circle hehe before i was attacked by a ball from who else but my own OG member.... lenith!!!! *GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR* thx lorrrrrr... hah but anyway i was quite tired of running and jumping and squeaking in the circle liao, felt so vulnerable!

finally after one whole day of games playing, cheering (jielun cheer!!! he-he-ha-hee!! .... go fly kite...!!!), dancing (haha hey fuqiang can dance quite well!!), the REAL fun began!!! fright nite!!! otherwise known in secret code as mambo nite!! preparations began hush-hush at 5pm, and my station's ppl (Chucky's Bride) which included huiting (mad child psychopathic killer!!!!), benjamin (dead dad), sijin (dead mum), me (dead nurse), calvin and terence started planning how eactly to scare the m1s witless. which felt quite exciting yet i was kinda doubtful abt my ability to scare instead of freaking out myself, since i was such a scaredy-cat! =P oh but not bad lah. the only hitch was i only had 15 min to do makeup!!! and i didnt have my most-acclaimed makeup artist xtine to help me, cos her station was outdoors so she had to do her makeup elsewhere... boohoo. had to do everythg myself!! which was really a tricky business since i dont even put on makeup usually when i go out. wat eyepencil lah, wat mascara lah, wat this and that lah, i dont even know how to use!!! had to trial and error in the end. was a madhouse man! evryone was in a frenzy, i had no one to helo me and no mirror to look thru so that i can out on my makeup... wah was really challenging using the eyepencil! it looked so menacing and dangerous... like one good poke can blind me for life likedat! luckily the one i found was so blunt that it was just short of being unusable liao heheh. i looked a fright when i finished! was dressed in my old RV uniform (resembles nurse uni mahhh!) and i just messed up my hair to look like a deranged crazy nurse! fun begins!

ok lah, the 1st herd to visit our station was prob not scared at all. we havent realy got the hang of scaring them yettt... but wow! second herd was FUN! fabulous. the girls were scared, and even sm guys!!! (hehehehe will never forget the look on qin yong's face muaahahahah) evry time a scared m1 exit, out entire group will burst our in laughter and had to compose ourselves before smone else comes in! (oh i actually couldnt restrain myself from shaking with laughter whenever i see smone who's super scared)  hiak. =D oh but to my horror a girl actually started to cry when she was sitting in the chair beside me and sijin came bursting out suddenly to pounce on the pair of them... wahhhh. i started to console her, wat to do?? tink it didnt help tho, she continued to cry... tink i looked too horrifically scary and ugly liao. =P the 3rd herd wasnt much fun either, cos time was running short and we had to rush through the group... wahhhh realised that ruxin was a super brave girl!!! *respect* came in alone and was so composed we didnt manage to scare her one iota... wow! u go girl!!! fright nite ended around 12am, hehe and i must admit i enjoyed myself lots! was very pleased to hear comments like how real my makeup look hahaa... heard alot of ppl said that ting and me were very scary!!! *proud* not bad sia! but i tink benjamin was very very scary too, just that he was lying down most of the time...

we finally slpt at 2.45am, after the m1s finished their campfire skit discussion. whew luckily for me i didnt have insomnia like i did the first nite (fell aslp at 4.30am, woke up at 6.30am!!!) so managed to feel reasonably rested enough for sentosa!!! yahoo! oh but it was raining in the morning... *grumble* in the end the island games were cancelled and the beach games only started in the afternoon... spent the morning playing frisbee and "do u love me baby?" game... haha once again i prevailed and didnt laugh whenever i replied "i love you baby but i just cant smile", a big accomplishment judging by wat happened last yr!

Gigante's first game was smthg "tombstone" smthg... had to bury the most number of ppl in sand in as short a time as possible, complete with aestheic judging. ppl with their whole head buried as well get bonus points, and OGLs who are buried will win more points for the OG as well! alas, me n xtine decided to sacrifice ourselves. wah!!!!!!!!! didnt know being buried in sand can be such a claustrophobic feeling!!!! they made me into a pregnant lady (hmmm was it becos i had a big garguantous tummy?!?!), thx alot kelvin and wes... *wryly* wondered y the girl OGLs joined in so garung-ly but the guys just helped to bury ppl huh!!! even threatened to bury my face wah i felt really scared! and ppl kept flicking sand into my face unknowingly and cant remember why but ppl kept making me laugh such that my pregnant sand tummy kept cracking up!! ahah... our m1s had alot of really funny ideas, like hermaphrodite tombs, lesbian lovers tombs etc... haha in the end we won! yippee! quite alot of ppl had their faces buried too... *applause* after this game i found sand here, there, EVRYWHERE!! in my ears, my eyes, my hair, and when i went to bathe, sand cascaded out of my clothes lor. gosh. haha...

we did muah chee-ing in the sand too!! the whole lot of us happily ran into the ocean, made ourselves all wet, then ran back to the beach and started rolling in the sand in a synchronised manner... ahha really looked like muah chee lor! and all to win more points for the food auction! oh must admit its really fun... =p then came captain's ball played in the sea. wow! i felt really really really very very very proud of our OG during this game. at 1st both OGs had only m1s playing, but when we begin to lead by 2 points, the other OG replaced alot of m1s with their m2 OGLs. wahhhh of course they managed to catch up! but we decided not to replace the m1s, cos after all this is just a game and winning's not the objective mah. the fact is this camp is for the m1s, so they should be the ones having fun and getting involved! who wins is just a bonus isnt it? not that the other OG is at wrong or anythg, but just tink we have different perspectives bah. in the end, it became a super exciting match. especially since our main water-polo player aka fab goalie mr lenith was missing in action alas so our OG only had 11 ppl left! (super small, the rest had 14++) MVPs include jianri, qin yong, sam, and especially the flawless coordination btw our catchers eleanor and colin!!! *cheers* well-done!!!! we felt very touched when the group held on strong in the face of fierce competition, undaunted by the skilled m2 players from the opposing team!! and emerged winners!!! really thought we would burst with pride and cry lor... =D

haha the day ended with mass game in which all 8 OGs competed together... erm. must admit there was sm, just a teensy bit of trickery involved ahah... in the end my OG had more plastic bags than the rest cos the plastic-bag distributor was our OGL (ahhh better not mention who huh!!!) hehehehe... =P made water bombs, then it was BOMBS AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! our OG's water bombs got special ingredients like raw eggs with the yolks intact inside our special high-power bombs! hehe. after tt it was back to the campsite for us.... wahhhh felt sunburnt lor!

last event of the day was campfire!!!! our OG did a super funny skit starring ruxin and sam as a loving couple with qinyong as the third party... erhmm gay lover of sam!!! haha.. in the end there was a twist... turns out tt qinyong only went to seduce sam so that he can break up the loving couple and woo ruxin who has been the love of his life since she was 5! ahaha the gay imitation was really good! stupendous performance and great on-screen chemistry btw ruxin and qin yong!! then limbo rock was played, mushiest secret-pal letters were read, pageant conducted for ms and mr medicamp... yawn. nite ended with revelation of secret pals, medicamp dance and FOOD AUCTION!!! was really cool, ting ting was a very good auctioneer! managed to bring up the excitement and the anticipation!!! not bad lah, though our OG didnt have the most points, we won the bids for 3 big oacks of keropok and a blueberry cheesecake!!!! yumyum... we then went to the 4th floor common area to chat and play the night away... last night liao so no one's s'pose to slp!!! played "who stole the cookie from my cookie pot...", fav game of curly wurly burly greggie weggie, a game that still eludes my complete comprehension and coordination til now! then most of us OGLs had to leave to settle Rag and Flag week stuff so the m1s had to entertain themselves... =P

i'm proud to say i lasted the whole night without a wink of slp! sm of us slpt for awhile, like 20 or 30 min... then it was clean up, photo-taking and then..... *drums pls* dunking of a ting!!! ahahah... even though her bdae was still two days away, we decided we should upkeep the tradtition of dunking her during medicamp... last yr my OG dipped her into a pail 19 times to celebrate her turning 19, so we dipped her into a pail 20 times this yr hiak. =P sorry a ting!!!! hahahah.... gooooo onions!!! we them moped around smmore, played our last murderer game, drew on each other with permanent markers and pen (grrrrr thx xtine and wes!!!!) and bade a fond farewell to the campsite... wahhh felt quite old liao, medicamp's over so the reality of being a m2 is really starting to sink in!!! microbio, pharmaco here i come... *gulps* oh well, que sera sera (what will be will be!)

alritey, better go and do my flagday stuff... got mtging at 9 tmr morn and its already 2.40am!!! ARGH.

*moan*

wah. i am sick. my head's spinning. im feverish. and sniffing. i feel like smone's been hurling rocks and boulders at my head. oh my head. its really heavy now. wah how can this be... im going medicamp tmr! means play, sun, eat, talk, laugh, cheer, sing all day long.
 
acutally got alot to say today. but cant remember any of them now. i just cant move my head. *gingerly* every little action feels like theres a little man hammering away inside my poor head. *MOANS* helpppppppppppppppppp.
 
just to inform my faithful blog readers, im really glad ppl actually read my blog. ahah. yes, im even secretly delighted tt there are so many "anonymous"es who bother to comment on my blog and in the process irritate me ahah. im touched. *wipes a tear away* i actually look forward to reading comments hahha... (hey xtine u tink im stewpig enuff to give u my $$$ ah? tink again... n u better decide when to rob the bank soon im sharpening my parang knife evryday...) ok im typing super slowly cos my head's still spinning like a spinning top. but im addicted to blogging so i refuse to give up. wahhhhhhhhhhhh. oh yar, thx for the suggestion, erm one of the anonymouses... but i am quite a hopeless computer illiterate, so can smone tell me how to put links to others' blogs?? haha... =P
 
oh yar for those who read newspapers regularly.... haf u read abt the rgs girl who won top placing for the commonwealth essay writing competition? its in print today... wowee tink she wrote very well! to tink i only got commendation award in the past... *shakes head regretfully* but i tink she really writes in a style tts quite unique and has the singapore flavour intact. with an essay question like this (which i tink is "what modern women want"), i would have expected more of a boring discussion and argumentative piece rather than the close-to-heart story this winner penned out. it was quite alarming to read her essay as well, cos its like having the crushing reality written out that makes evrythg seem so real and scary. my head's pounding too much to elaborate on her work, but pls go and read it if u havent... its so scary that in our later years we can actually begin to treat our parents as hindrance to our work or play etc, rather than see them as the ppl who would always be the closest of kin to us and who love us so very very much. in fact, i tink alot of young ppl will be able to relate to the story and perhaps feel a tinge of guilt and remorse tt there are actually times when we do not give our parents the utmost respect and love that they deserve. sigh, i know i felt guilty of sm stuff this 15-year-old wrote abt. *reflects*
 
as one memorable email aptly puts it.... we live in a world where "... tempers are too short... laugh too little, hate too much..." smthg like that. a quote from george carlin i tink.
 
ok i better go n slp. hopefully i will get well in a jiffy and go for camp tmr! instead of sitting in a corner rubbing medicated oil on my temples while others run abt in the sun... ahhhh. wont be blogging or checking mail for the next 4 days then... i feel deprived already! ok, beddy time for sick little girls. nite.... oh yar n dont miss me too much. *wink* (wah i tink im recovering already)

lumdeedumdum tralalalaaaaa!!!!! *BEAMS*

haha!!!! what a great great day!! i feel ALIVE today. hehe. did alot of stuff, enjoyed myself lots, feel happy-go-lucky and glad to be alive. YAY! make a guess. what happen to make this such a super duper special day.... haha from today onwards i am no longer a driver on probation!!! woohoo this calls for a celebration!!! ahah feel like juz tearing down my probation plate and flinging it out of the window or throwing it in the face of the tester (mr choo! will nv forget his name lor) who passed me so unwillingly last yr... so there!! (haha tts y they say NEVER ever offend a woman... it may be the last thg u do hiak. ) oh. but actually i'm just saying all these for fun... even if u pay me a hundred bucks i will still keep my p-plate. haha cos... i dont want to jinx other road drivers! heh. been almost three months since i last driven! tink i forgot evrythg liao lor. die lah. which one's clutch, brake, accelerator leh??? *tink furiously* haha. ehhhh can just imagine the look of horror on whoever's reading this now. i used to be quite a confident driver ok!! until i met with accident (no fault of mine, a car banged me and i flewwwww like one car's length!)... then realised that "ma lu ru hu kou"!! scary sia. so i turned over a new leaf and became more cautious and careful... ah. nv go beyond 100 km/hr lor! unlike sm ppl i know... haha. oh but tink it must be very exciting to really drive very fast! mebbe along a no-traffic-lights autobahn or in malaysia...
 
hmmm oh yar! highlight of the day! i went shopping!!!! retail therapy really works. i'm amazed. haha. cos i am the kind who likes to TINK abt shopping, but evry time i go shopping, i feel too lazy to look at the racks of clothes or to keep changing and queuing up for fitting rooms. therefore, almost always go hm empty-handed heh. today i was almost too lazy to drag myself out of the hse. haha cos ting cannot accompany me last min, so felt quite lazy and to tell the truth abit scared to go alone. =P dunno leh, izit just me or does evryone has this prob? when i go into a shop, i feel very stressed when the salesperson starts tailing me here, there, evrywhere. esp if the salesperson is a ah-lian-lookalike! i feel very intimidated leh! then if they ask me to try this try that, i always find it hard to refuse haha. so if i actually tried on any clothes and find them not to my liking, i always get very scared! cos its like if i tell them i dont want i will get the evil eye or smthg. last time i always end up buying all sorts of nonsense becos i feel so frightened! oh but today i behaved sensibly. no more rubbish-buying for me!! $$$ is very very hard to earn u know. wahhhh i walked for... 6 hrs?? must b a record for me! even now i can feel my legs wobbling like jelly... walk too much liao.  started from far east plaza and bravely went into all the little shops (yes even those without anyone in there) to take a look... wow discovered far east plaza is really a very interesting place to shop! i anyhow walk lah, didnt care if i get lost or anythg... hehe. wah this is like the day in which i face and try to conquer my fears lor! like dealing with ah-lian salesgirls, being watched like a hawk, saying "i dont want" to salesgirls... can feel myself growing up. =D ok lah, after a while it becomes much easier to say no. tink i've never tried on soooo many clothes in my entire life before!!! not to mention spend soooo much on clothes!!! (by my standards lah ahha) from far east, to scotts, to tangs, to wisma... walk walk walk. hereby i must thank all my friends who have forced me to learn how to find my way around in orchard. sincere thanks to lihui and meiling!!! (ahaha sorry xtine u r as hopeless as me...) else i'd still be trying to figure out whats the diff btw far east plaza and far east shoppin centre heh. to conclude my exceptionally fun and fruitful shopping experience, here's a list of my loot: 2 pairs of earrings (i have an earring obsession), 1 pants, 2 skirts, 2 tops. wow. sounds like alot!! DONT ask me how much i spend, i get depressed juz tinking abt it. cos i am not used to shopping. i do it once every ten yrs or so. WAHHHHHHHHHH. (eh xtine, when r u free to rob bank with me?? lets make it soon. REAL soon. tell me when u free k) thats it. i'm gonna eat grass evryday. theres some below my flat, looks quite fresh. (oh yar, to all diehard shopaholics: topshop is selling $6 cotton camisoles!)
 
i tink shopping is very very good exercise. u get so distracted by all the possible buys that u dont feel hungry. then smmore u walk so much!!! no wonder i am fat. i should shop more ahah. but then.... it burns a gigantic hole in my pocket! no wonder my girl pals are always telling me how broke they are. sigh. mebbe i should go buy toto or bigsweep! *daydream* =D and shopping gives me a surge of motivation to lose weight!!! too many slim slim girls in s'pore liao!!! *inspired*
 
when i finally got hm, WOW!!!! i got a letter from myanmar!!!! i absolutely love getting mail (other than those u-better-pay-else-we-gonna-cut-ur-line handphone bills that is...), but seldom get any other than the postcards my dear friend huiying send me regularly... yay!!! i was ecstatic. my mom tinks i'm mad hah. its from my "koko" ye naing win! hehe. wah its so exciting to receive letters, esp from overseas!!! i feel a BIG relief too, this means that my letters did reach all my myanmar friends... *beams*
 
i feel very hyperactive still leh. so locked myself in my room and started my own mambo night! haha cos suddenly miss dancing all the hwa chong and council dances after reading xtine's blog yesterday... was really surprised tt i can still remember the dances! but then, we keep dancing during those days lah so mebbe its just stuck in my head forever! then i had my own ktv session in the bathrm... eheh. was singing fish leong's songs and xmas songs. dunno why i always sing xmas songs when i feel happy tho i'm not a christian. theres just smthg very santa-clausish abt them tt makes me feel so happy!
 
yeah life is too short to put life on hold. if no $$ go ktv, sing at hm lor!!! no $$ go clubbing (which is ver smokey anyway), dance at hm lor!! feel sad and down, do smthg to cheer urself up lor!! tts my current philosophy of life! haha feel gd to have cleared the air with my sis too. =) hopefully i would get to see more of her before sch starts! then its mugging time again urgh. oh yar thx wanyen! was quite touched by ur comment... didnt know u read my blog!!! haha... actually i was plotting to eat up the choc and not pass it to my sis heh oops. hey take care k!! sch starting soon rite?? jia you woah!!
 
and yar!!! i am VERY puzzled by the large number of "anonymous"es that r popping out of nowhere!!! so, now r there 2 or 3 of u all? *confused* anyway, to the lastest anonymous, how do i cherish u if i dunno who u r? *exasperated* funny leh!!! gah. detective work is such a  tedious and mind-boggling chore.
 
signing off, a very very very very very very broke me =P

rain falling in my heart

today started out on quite a bad note. i was up till 4am waiting for my sis to come home, and it was a long long wait. she did not call back, did not pick up my calls, and did not reply any of my msges... which was quite unlike her in cases when she stay out late. i was worried, yet at the same time cannot help but feel that if indeed she's simply out with her friends, then i am going to be more than a little angry. it has been like this since i came back from myanmar. she's been keeping late nights, and unless i wait up long into the night, more often than not i would not get to see her for the entire day. for she has sch in the morning while i would still be sleeping away. sigh. i was very very very relieved when i finally heard the sound of the door opening. my sis is home! yet i started crying when i saw her, anger and disappointment mixed with tremendous relief. cannot stand the stress, the waiting, the not-knowing. my sis and i have always been very close, the best of friends in fact. for her to not have told me where she's going, and not have bothered to tell any of us, added on to the fact that i'm missing her terribly cos she's always not home these days, really upset me alot. dont tink she has time to read my blogs, but if you are reading, just want to tell you we all love you very much. no matter how much we nagged at you, or scold you for always going out late into the night even if you have sch the next day, its all because we love you very very much. sometimes parents just cannot demonstrate properly how much they love their children. when you are not around, they worry abt you constantly, yet when you are around, they have so much to say to you that sometimes it is wrongly conveyed as anger. my sister sees more than her share of our parents' anger, yet when she's not around, i see the endless care, concern and worry they have of her. sis, please please take care of yourself. you are not a child anymore, you should know whats best for you. i am tired of having to remind you to prioritise, and in the process i may even spoil my close relationship with you. i do not wish to start nagging at you every time i see you, the first good talk i have had with you in days. to tell the truth, i always feel very proud to see you trying your best to correct your lack of punctuality, and making it a point to crawl out of bed to make it to sch on time. it is not that you do not know what is good for you, or what is impt at this pt in time, but u seem to have lost track of ur focus. i cry not so much because i seem to have lost my best friend, but because you are doing urself a big disfavour u know? ur health is not exactly the best, and yet u sleep little and eat little. u are going to graduate this yr, but yet u seem to be missing alot of lessons. its ptless for me to tell u to tink abt what is more impt, becos u know it deep down. i can only remind you you know? my words may go in, but you urself would have to find the motivation and courage to go on. get over the past, carry on with your life. find strength in urself, forget and walk away. the more times we fall, the less pain we feel... the more inner strength we can find in ourselves to stand up again.  you can do it dear! know tt there's alot on ur mind now, but i trust you to make the correct decisions. i know i may be a tad disapproving at times, but i have to be extremely rational to balance ur present irrationality. =P sigh. sometimes i really feel like the older sis leh.
 
i am very different from my sis in alot of ways. she's more carefree, like an unfettered wild bird who traverse the wide skies. i am down to earth, pragmatic, and to be truthful more conformed by societal expectations. shes arty, expressive, sociable, out-going while i am more introverted. hmmm mebbe tts why we get along so well, complement each other alot. my sis is a really special girl that i've always admired, and more than once i have felt sorry that she lives in such a conformist society. for one, she always places her friends 1st place. never mind that she has a major exam tmr, if her friend needs a shoulder to cry on, she would be there. for me, i really dont know what i would have done. would i have stop mugging to comfort my friend? that i do not know. its a very noble thing to do, and i seriously doubt whether i can go and confort a friend without a constant niggling worry abt my exam tmr. in retrospect, isnt exams a silly thing to worry abt? friends are suppose to be there for each other, especially in times of need. yet societal pressure demands that we do well for exams and earn a place in the next level of education. are societal values wrongly-placed then?? this has been a question that has been on my mind for a long long time. seems that almost everythg tt is considered impt is superficial, transient. values like loyalty are hardly emphasized. ppl are judged as success or failure by the schools they attend, the grades they get, the classes and streams they are in. what abt the more concrete, meaningful thgs?? i dunno. gah dont read on its one of those days i cant figure out whats so wrong with this little world i live in.
 
went to darryl's hse in the afternoon in a really lousy mood. too many thoughts on my mind. realised friends are really precious, being with them can just lift my spirits! though it was quite tiring and i feel stupid cutting up triangles to make pendants and burning the edges of papers (ooohhh discovered the pyromaniac in me ahah), just having company and not stewing alone at home was comforting. me, wes, sennie, darryl, shaofeng, mich, linus n junyang were there the wholeeeee afternoon sai-ganging! haiz. played alot of stupid card tricks and wat black magic and wat maths-thgy game and wat maaa-maaa game hahaha. so tickled.
 
oh yes, must thank wesley the parsley for being such a gd sport. present a sweetest brother award to u! xie xie ni stay up to keep me awake when i was waiting for my jie. haha n realised i missed icq-crappin with this baby bro of mine. heheh zhu-tou! always very very cheeky and can trade insults with him all night long gosh. but yet can be such a gd friend at the most unexpected times... haha, this is ur one minute of fame, i would continue to insult you the next time i see you!
 
til then. cherish the ppl ard u evryone
 
(and yes, mr anonymous 2, you are so dead. just try lah, continue leavin comments dont let me find out who u r... *dangerous look*)
 
oh yar, past midnight liao... HAPPIE 22ND BIRTHDAY ZHIMIN MAMA!!!!!!!!!! *hugs* many happy returns of the day, keep smiley all years round!!!!

FRIGHT-night!

trudged to school very unwillingly today... cos my bed beckons to me. *blue* today's actually quite exciting lah, cos we are going to try our hands at ghoulish and eerie and creepy and evil-looking and bloody make-up!!! luckily its in the day, else tink everyone will just freak out...

the trial started out quite well as mich demonstrated the basics to us... like how to make a gash look life-like, how to accentuate the evil-ness of the made-up face... wow! at the end of it, xtine looks TERRIFYING. gives me the chills to look at her!!! and her make-up isnt even completed yet! then we were all given free rein to experiment and let our creative juices flow! hah! i became the guinea pig for xtine... hehehe was quite interesting to hear the various comments from other ppl as my face was piled thick with scarily white foundation, black eye-liner, black lipstick (imagine!!!) and all sorts of very cheem make-up thingies that i dunno the names of... (the pores on my face were screaming for help... i can FEEL the pimples practically competing to pop out ewww gross) their looks of "eww tt's scary" and for the more lion-hearted, their impressed looks made me itch to get my hands on a mirror and see for myself!! ahhh but xtine staunchly refused. =P say she must finish her ghoulish work of art before i can take a look at the completed effect. heheh tink she was enjoying herself lots!!! and all around us, ppl were having lots of fun experimenting and basically painting their friends' faces gleefully. ah! then a fright-night treasure trove was discovered in the medsoc room!! we excitedly pounced on a special-effect vampire blood tube of gooey icy red goo, and behold! i was turn into a blood-dripping deranged nurse (who supposed to have been murdered by huiting the deranged kid by the way hehehe)! wah. got a shock when i look at myself!

then... heheheh my turn to have fun!!! expertly wielding an eye-pencil and make-up sponge etc, i proceeded to let my imagination run wild... (which i must admit is totally not wild with respect to scry ghostly stuff since i NEVER watch a horror movie knowingly) ah. all my pretension of being an expert was exposed by the awkward squiggly lines on xtine's face that was so NOT scary. *frown* wahhh took some time before i found my hidden talent! managed to "mutilate" her face some more with a few well-placed gashes and mascara strokes... and dripped some blood (which looked totally fake the way i applied it sigh). oh well. i tried my best! =P

haha wat happened next was really funny. we went into the toilet to remove the zillion layers of makeup on our faces, and the moment we stepped into the toilet, a malay lady placed a hand over her heart with a shocked expression!! hahaha on dear we must have scared the daylights out of her... oops. had to apologise profusely!!! ahah but she's a very nice lady who saw the funny side of the situation hehe. it was a chore removing the makeup. fwah, something u guys would never understand. besides taking hours and lotsa utmost concentration and effort to put on decent looking makeup, it takes great pain to remove it! sometimes when u remove mascara, ur eye-lashes would be removed as well. ouch. and the sacrifice countless girls go to to look pretty... makeup is very expensive you know!!??! and have to buy a whole lot of skincare products to prevent pimple outbreak due to those foundation clogging up your pores... sometimes i really take my hat off to the women in the world, having mastered the art of makeup (which is soooo complicated!)

needless to say, i am sleepy again. more from lack of thgs to do than real exhaustion. anyway, byebye again! miss piggy going off... =D

(haha FINALLY know who mr anonymous 1 is... mr anonymous 2 pls give urself up NOW. *stern*)

"its gonna be another day with the sunshine..." - jang nara

just when i thought i have nothg more to write im ny blog... then i had another exciting thought-filled day!! time's now 2am, just got home after a loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg chat with huiting at the kopitiam near our hse... we met up to visit maggie, our pri sch classmate who's hospitalised as a suspected case of dengue fever. poor girl!!! actually mag is in a ting's pri sch clique, (we were in different cliques then)so we are not that close. wah quite a sombre thing, to visit a friend in hospital. she was put on drip, and no medicine has been given as the blood test's results were not out yet. had fever for abt a week already, and was only warded yesterday! as me and a ting talked to mag's parents, jaws dropped. (our's) cos we were told horrifying tales of how the nurses do not respond when the patient press the buzzer, and how mag's meals are always served to her last. wah, outrageous!!! hehehe can see a ting blowing up with indignance!!!(like puffer fish heh sorry v late liao feeling corny) and she promptly stalked to the nurse station to lodge a complaint after hearing that mag's rashes has become worse but no one's doing anythg abt it... i meekly followed haha. wahhhhhhh there we realise the inefficiency of the care-giving system. we were directed from one nurse, to another nurse, to yet another nurse, to yet yet another nurse... and then told to wait. we waited, paced along the corridors acting fierce and impatient, then were told to go back first the nurse in charge would be told of this matter... 15 min later... no news! went back to the nurse station, finally managed to grab hold of a nurse. then a ting assumed her no-nonsense tone of voice and rattled on abt mag's rashes and how come it took so long for a nurse to answer a patient's call... nurse looks uncomfortable, then went off to get calamine lotion. later we had a analysis of why the system is so inefficient. turns out that there are only 4 nurses taking care of 44 patients!! and all the nurses looked rather harrassed and overworked. wahhh how can. in this case, the needs of all patients would not be well taken care of, what if it's a matter of life and death??? it really doesnt count for much if the surgery is successful but a lack of manpower causes the patient to die of some other unjustifiable reason. hmmm food for thought. in dealing with nurses, mag's parents told us most of them turn a dear ear and blind eye if you cannot converse with them in english. you can pester the nurses for hours, but they would still not come and see to your daughter. seems like only the more ang-moh ppl get served. cos in local context, english is sort of a social standing marker. to many, english=educated, english=more well-off. i beg to differ! what nonsense. this is especially unfair to the older generation (my parents' generation) who studied in chinese schools!! i've seen alot of ppl who take pride in the fact that they speak lousy mandarin or cant speak at all even though they are chinese; i totally look down on these ppl. if you are chinese, you should know how to speak chinese!! why pretend to be someone you are not? or worse yet, feel ashamed of your own heritage? personally, i feel that most asians look towards the west with awe and admiration, associating them with progress and wealth. sorry lor, you are what you do. it doesnt say much if you are a purely english-speaking chinese who only knows how to put on nice accents and pretend to be upper-class! i mean, whats the point? its not as if our forefathers were only less respectable or hardworking than the westerners lor. if we look down on ourselves, who would look up to us?? bah. oh yar sorry to digress so much. in dealing with nurses, sometimes really have to act fierce and demanding so that they would pay heed to the patient's needs. there are some really caring nurses, but tink some are also so tired of nursing that they normally bo-chup the patients. quite sad, imagine you are sick and your friends and family are not around and the nurse ignores you. we decided that if we ever do become doctors, we must always ask our patients whether the nurses are taking good care of them. yar lar, sometimes patients can be overbearing also but i tink that nurses play a very very impt role in getting the patients back to health.

after leaving the hospital, we went makan in a 24 hr kopitiam near cck mrt station. ah had sinful laksa and fried carrot cake yummmm.... we can feel our tummies growing bigger urgh. (mine's 5 mths going on 9 *swoon*) had a good girly talk. heh abt shopping and image revamp! yahoo. gonna chuck my always-wear-jeans-with-brown-shirt-and-bring-deuter-bag go to sch outfit. seems like the whole world noticed i always wear them same clothes, day after day, week after week, mth after mth, year after year... u get the idea lah. time to shop haha. but i always feel very contradictory abt what to wear to sch. on one hand, i dont wish to stand out, on the other hand its fun to dress up once a while to go sch! instead of wearing jeans everyday... same old brown stercobilin shirt... big schoolbag... just feel very lazy to match clothes n tink of what to wear leh. appointed a ting the fashionista to shop with me this sat! yay! havent shopped for eons... time for retail therapy! =D

we migrated to the kopitiam near our houses. yakked on abt... what huh?? alot of stuff lah. from soma trip to the ppl we met to the type of ppl we r... and throughout the whole conversation, we were interrupted by large-as-kittens rats happily scampering to and fro among the tables and chairs, sometimes scampering towards us and we would do the reflex action of lifting our legs in unison. funny man! quite exciting too... like detective hafta keep keeping a lookout for possible rat sneak attacks... wah didnt know s'pore got rat problem. the rats are so FAT!! rounded, big, the cat looks like it can be eaten up by the rat lor. and the tail... ewww. we agreed its most disgusting. very long, hairy, looks like a worm. no wonder hamsters are cute... very short tails. =D

we stopped yakking at 0145am... not bad!! was a good talk. very productive, very know-more-abt-myself too!!! should do this more often... of yar ting passed her driving!!! ehehehe congratulations! *drums pls* treat me hor thx hahah. =D

(NOTICE: ehhhhh, why got another anonymous leave a comment huh!?!??! wah gg crazy lah!!!! pls i very old liao, dont keep me guessing... young ppl nowadays tsk tsk)

nostalgia!

(ATTENTION: who is anonymous who left a comment on my blog yesterday huh??? abt y aung hein got no hugs n no cookies on his bdae... pls surrender urself NOW. haha dont keep me in suspense! i'm v old already cant stand this kind of excitement...)

PLS NOTE ALSO: i've added more photos to my previous blogs!!! yayayay... *beams*

haha those who read my blog would be super proud of me today. i do NOT feel sleepy for the first time in oh.... a zillion years!!! wow. i am surprised at myself too!!! ahah. went to the sembawang campsite today to check out the different locations for the fright-night station, was raining... hee me being the blur sotong who never knows how to get anywhere, i became a parasitic passenger of cristelle momma who was guided by curly wurly burly greggie weggie poppa. wahh feels very good to just sit in the car, look at the scenery, feel blissfully happy and mind was a total blank. was squabbling with them throughout, keep complaining abt child abuse and lack of pocket money... and greggie promptly launched into a long drawn-out lecture in chinese! my goodness. nightmare... me n cris just erm hhaha shut our ears (sorry greggie teehee) =D

at the campsite, got to see many friends that i havent seen for donkey years!!! wesley parsley was back from his amorous trip to europe, linus shi-fu from his month-long missionary trip to macau, and sennie from malaysia! haha was one big gathering for us! except sherminny bikini wasnt back from germany yet... and sheldie's still in m'sia. *sigh* anyway, linus and me started reminscing abt one year ago when we were still young, innocent, carefree, wrinkle-free, smiley, non-muggerish freshies who met in medicamp as Dorthonions!!! (better known as onions... =P) ahha it feels like a long long time ago. was it really only last year? seems like ALOT has happened during the past year, its been so exciting and everything was just so alien and new! we even managed to recall the exact arrangement of the tables and where our OG gathered when we just reached the campsite heh. ahhhh we had an evil plot to dunk huiting again during the last day of camp just like we did last year!!! heee even though her birthday does not fall during the camp this year.... oh well too bad tradition cant be broken k!!! *evil glint in eyes* muahhahahah!!! started remembering alot of funny happenings during the camp, esp fright-night!!! went in with a guy who's as scared as me, if not more scared hahah... must protect his reputation, so lets just call him mr t. remembered we were stuck in the container toilet!!! we were quacking with fear and our legs were all wobbly like jelly, and we just didnt want to open the toilet cubicle doors for fear that someone would jump out at us!!! in the end we spend such a loooooooonnnnnnng time searching for the thg we were suppose to take out that the station master got quite impatient hehe... i was frantic! close to tears lor... cos got eerie background music and our imaginations were running wild! almost went stark-raving mad. ahhh but tink one of the scariest was the janitor's toilet! dunno why, i always find toilets very spooky... *shiver* wah this one even more terrible! had to open all the cubicle doors and one had a guy sitting on the toilet bowl. me and mr t were trying to close back the door cos we very scaredy-cat, then didnt want the janitor to come out and pounce on us mah. in the end i was trying to crab-walk (walk sideways) out of the toilet, then when i pass the cubicle the janitor was in, tink he thought it very funny that i was so scared that he actually smiled lor. wahhhh cannot make it!

tinking back, frightnight really didnt seem so bad after all lah. i was lucky to have mr t go in with me for all stations, though must admit haha sometimes i tink i'm even braver than him hohoho!!! (sorry mr t...) some girls actually had to go in alone, but cos i was the most scared so they let us go in pair haha. then remember sennie also, always screaming at ghosts!!! tink he frightened all the ghosts instead of the other way round!

time really passes by very quickly, wah i feel super duper OLD. soon i would be 30 years old, then 50, then 80. wat a depressing thought! how come likedat huh, once you reach 20 the years just race by!!! tick tock tick tock =((((

i feel like an old woman!

a pig's life

woke up at 4pm today... what a pig! cant help it! was seriously feeling very panda-ish from severe lack of sleep... woke up at 12pm actually, but fell aslp almost immediately after brushing my teeth.

just met up with huiying at lot 1, one of my primary sch friends that i remain close to. what will i do without her!! always there to listen to me and my hundred and one problems, which always come up to ALOT cos we dont get to meet up often... i'm always mugging my days away (tinking back i regret mugging so much... results are so-so anyway heh) and shes always flying here and there! thats why its so surprising that we can always continue where we left off... can dont meet up for a few months and still feel completely at ease with each other! wonderful feeling! tink friends like that are hard to come by...

wahhh just read an email from okkar!!! he passed his job interview, will prob be coming to s'pore within the next 2 to 3 months! YAY!!! ahah so exciting! said he will introduce his girlfriend to us too! and got an ecard from kaung zaw as well, wah really glad that still can keep in touch with all my burmese friends... =D

right. time to get cracking on frightnight stuff... hope i don't spook myself out... hope a ting pass her driving test!!! u go girl!

zzz

i am soooooooooo tired. dont even feel like bathing. i can fall aslp here lor.

wahhh.... i survived a 5-hr letpabya debrief. *gulp* almost died of hunger and urgent need to go ein thar. alot of ppl said very meaningful things abt their feelings for the trip, but i cant remember liao too sleepy. smthg abt its the intangible thgs that count alot too?
went a-ting's reastaurant with sijin today to makan. yummy pineapple rice. ting's colleagues r quite unfriendly (the girls). a waiter asked y we never give tip ahah. quite funny.

ok shld go sleep. dont tink i'm making much sense.

happie birthday sijin!!! *hugs*
happie birthday aung hein!

no stars tonight. =(

Live your dreams

no mood to write abt what happened in my drab dreary life today. =P it's of no consequence anyway. me having writer's block, big time!

"So what do you do when your dream dies? Do you sit down and cry, do you give it up and let it die, or do you give it one more try?"

watching a video on the internet now. a council friend (manting) i havent seen for ages sent me the URL, and it seemed quite interesting. these words were spoken by a very dynamic speaker. were his opening words. sort of just arrest your attention doesnt it? hmmm. just feel that its smthg worth tinking abt. life's too short to simply let it go in a blur, only to realise at the end of the day that for our whole lives, we've been pursuing the insignifacant nitty-gritty. bigger house. higher income. climb the social ladder.


"The older we get, the more we give up on our dreams."

i remember my very first dream. hehe was to be an artist! though must admit i cant draw to save my life haha... the faces i used to draw when i was young were always square and yellow teehee. then was the dream to become a pilot. then was to become an actress. then to become a psychiatrist. then was to be a hotelier. then was to open my very own cafe. somehow along the way, these dreams were dropped. sm becos the society deems unrealistic, sm becos my dreams have changed. i remember panicking after getting our a-level results, so what exactly should i study in university?? when i was young, i NEVER thought of becoming a doctor. to me, doctors are, nicely said, money-diggers who care nought for their patients and the only thing that really matters to them is money. "show me the money..." i can imagine seeing this in all the faces i see in clinics. wahhh dont ask me why i become so disillusioned with doctors, i have no idea! mebbe through experiences my parents used to tell me bah. sm doctors would automatically assume a suspicious attitude and say nasty things like "you want MC is it? i won't give it to you, you don't look sick to me." wah. the injustice of it all!!! i just cannot imagine why people of this calibre decide to become doctors. luckily i met a few genuinely nice doctors when i grow older, and the wisdom i've erhmmm acquired throughout my life allows me to tink for myself: hey wakey, you dont have to be a nasty doctor you know? you jolly well become one of the most caring ones around.

so there it goes. though i;ve always been stronger in arts subjects like literature and history, i chose medicine as my 1st choice. was quite tough deciding i tell you! was having an internal struggle whether to choose business or med. then decided to let fate decide, que sera sera, what will be will be. anyway i didnt take triple science, so mebbe they wont want me anyway. but now one year down, five more to go, had quite a stressful mugging year but still going strong. =) make me realise that as long as you have the passion for it, you will survive. never mind that you are not acing your subjects, never mind that yo do not have a photographic memory. never mind that there are unbelievably smart ppl who only need to put in half the effort you put in to get double, triple the results. cos the human touch is what differentiates a doctor who treats and one who heals.

"We got so busy chasing our incomes that we forgot about our life. About living our lives and chasing our dreams." thx man-man, for giving me smthg to tink abt =)

...

i. cannot. believe. it. my computer. hates me. confirmed. the blog that i have written, is gone. gone!!!! just like that. with simply a "cannot detect network settings", my thousand-word blog is gone. *stunned* i'm too grieved to rant at the comp.

i am too traumatised to reproduce what i've written.

ok at least should try.

watched "mean girls" with a-ting today... after a calories-full big sinful meal at swensen's!!! yep we r on the brink of bankruptcy. it was a super bimbotic show which we enjoyed lots hehhe =D cos there was a moral-of-the-story. all the bitchiness and back-stabbing aside, there was alot of parallels to real life that makes the story smthg both of us could identify with. there was sadness through all the comic laughter, friendship amidst all the facades. hmmm one part of the movie i especially like: "we do not become slimmer by saying others are fat, we do not become more intelligent by saying others are stupid..." indeed. why do we bad-mouth others?? i am no angel, must admit i did my fair share of behind-others'-backs talk. mostly abt ppl i do not know but had bad impressions of. but in retrospect, really cant figure out why i did it. although the comments i make r not the "fat", "stupid" kind, i tend to judge and classify ppl easily. like "she's so superficial", "he's so egotistical" etc...i tink many ppl tend to do tt. hmmm but mebbe its all one big misunderstanding? realise my first impressions r almost always changed when i finally get to know these ppl in person. wahhh is it really human nature to talk behind ppl's backs?? sounds terrifying.

today was a day of reflections. was tinking of friends. who do we count as friends? i define friends as ppl who r there for me when i'm feeling down and in the pits, who r there to share my joys, who r sensitive to my feelings and will not hurt me intentionally through flippant remarks. but i tink there r sm ppl out there who have a very blurry fuzzy idea of what true friends r. and those who have their own personal hidden agenda would probably never have true friends. friends are not ppl you hang out with and share the happiest moments with, tink u can sift out who r the real friends by tinking abt who r those who were there with u through the bad times. its so easy to be a fair-weather friend, anyone can do tt. but to offer comfort, to lend u a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, tts not smthg evryone can do. i tink true friends need not be those u see evryday or even feel very close to, but they r those who care abt u, and cheer u up with little sweet notes when life looks bleak. friends r not used to boost ur status, or to be made use of so that others brand u as the in-crowd. they r not here to complement ur popularity, or for u to make use of to climb the corporate ladder. smtimes i feel that friendship is a gift that is often offered, but not always cherished or accepted readily. many ppl view friends as a networking sort of thg, so tt u know the right ppl and have friends from all walks of life. i find it very tiring to tink so much when i make friends. why bother??? its like another meaningless and never-ending task to add to an already complicated life... its like having to calculate how well i should treat so-and-so, judging by how much use this person would be to me. so... pragmatic and cynical!!! not to mention draining and i bet it would ultimately turn u into smone who's absolutely disillusioned with life.

hmm smtimes i tink i would love to stop time forever at the time when i am 5 yrs old. things seem simpler then. just eat, play, sleep.

i wanna dance with somebody.... =P

whew! what a long and tiring day... just finished helping my dad write his school report that's due tmr... hmmm i really tink its very unfair to make chinese teachers keep writing and handing in reports that have to be written in english smmore!!! especially for chinese teachers from my dad's generation, that have near to zero contact with english! the school system is changing really fast, there were no need for reports in the past. sigh tink my dad's super stressed up!! what with tuition classes in school, chinese orchestra to set up, lessons to attend, books to mark, reports to hand in... =( poor lao pa has a headache since afternoon!! my gosh i wonder how my dad stands it. have lessons in the morning tmr and still has not finished working at 12 midnight.... and he's not exactly very young any more. once again realised we really owe our parents alot...

woke up this morning full of resolve not to be so sluggish anymore!!! ahah so early in the afternoon, packed my bag and went all the way from choa chu kang to sengkang to look for my long-time-no-see buddies!!! (luckily had my discman to keep me company!! was happily listening to a compilation of all my fav songs lumdeedum) yay!! lihui (otherwise known as my twin cos her name's the opposite of mine heee) was working in rivervale mall, and meiling and xtine lived in sengkang. hai but since i was the only slacker who's jobless, i didnt get to see meiling and xtine who were both working hard!!! so in the end only managed to catch up with lihui!!! had lots to tell her abt, hee what else besides my myanmar trip... (tink those of u who read my blog must be utterly sick of hearing me mention it!!! oops) since she was manning a redemption counter, we were able to sit down and chit-chat... cos there weren't many shoppers on a wkday and only one actually came up to redeem the free gift while i was there!! lihui was bored to tears due to the lack of activity hee poor girl!! bought yummy durian puffs and old chang kee sweet potato for her... wah, quite scary cos her boss actually came to her counter while i was there!!! hope i didnt get her in trouble... *guilty* cos usually when her other friends go look her up, they are lucky enough not to meet the boss... wahhhh must be me lah, bad fengshui or smthg... sorry girl!!! tink she's a superwoman lor, tmr's her supposed day off but she's gonna attend dive-club meeting, go give tuition etc etc... in other words, her day off is a pseudo one! don't overtire urself k miss liang!!! too bad i couldnt stay long as i had to go KAP and attend a fright-night brainstorming session... realise i really missed my friends alot!!!

5pm found me back on the lrt, then mrt, then bus again to go KAP... wahhhhhh the photo albums really feel like a small elephant!!! so heavvvvvyyyy thought my arms would drop off or smthing... the takashimaya carrier i was carrying them in is about to just rot away already! finally made it to KAP!!! met up with cristelle n greggie to plan for 6 fright-night stations for medicamp... aiyoyo!!! so freaky!!! me n cris definitely r not those garung watch horror-movies kind of ppl, and erm ahha greggie was quite freaked out too!!! it was really quite... disturbing to tink of how to scare the m1s when we ourselves are not that lion-hearted!! haha didnt help that the aircon was sending cold chilly air down my back... *shudder* oh but now that i tink back to the fright-night i went thru last yr, it didnt seem so bad after all... though i was shaking like a jelly last yr!! helped tt i know i'd be doing the scaring this yr hehehehe *grin* erm, tt is if i don't freak out! wonder if i'm up to acting, seriously. tink i wouldnt mind if my station got ALOT of ppl with me!! wahhhh hope i dont get sent to the tunnel, heard it's really pitch-dark and creepy. =P the three of us were feeling really sympathetic towards the m1s ahhaha... in the end we left KAP at around 10.15pm, and i was feeling kinda spooked out! hopped on 67 and was trying to bring myself back to reality... luckily it was still quite bright where i have to walk home whew!!! tink i hafta watch lotsa cartoons and comedies for the next few days to get the scary scenarios out of my mind! (times like this i really feel a super enormous amt of respect and admiration for ppl like huiting who can sit thru spooky movies, scream and enjoy themselves thoroughly!!! * bows deeply* idol!!!)

hmmm time to check mail and roll into bed liao... *YAWNS* vanakum!!! =D