rain falling in my heart

today started out on quite a bad note. i was up till 4am waiting for my sis to come home, and it was a long long wait. she did not call back, did not pick up my calls, and did not reply any of my msges... which was quite unlike her in cases when she stay out late. i was worried, yet at the same time cannot help but feel that if indeed she's simply out with her friends, then i am going to be more than a little angry. it has been like this since i came back from myanmar. she's been keeping late nights, and unless i wait up long into the night, more often than not i would not get to see her for the entire day. for she has sch in the morning while i would still be sleeping away. sigh. i was very very very relieved when i finally heard the sound of the door opening. my sis is home! yet i started crying when i saw her, anger and disappointment mixed with tremendous relief. cannot stand the stress, the waiting, the not-knowing. my sis and i have always been very close, the best of friends in fact. for her to not have told me where she's going, and not have bothered to tell any of us, added on to the fact that i'm missing her terribly cos she's always not home these days, really upset me alot. dont tink she has time to read my blogs, but if you are reading, just want to tell you we all love you very much. no matter how much we nagged at you, or scold you for always going out late into the night even if you have sch the next day, its all because we love you very very much. sometimes parents just cannot demonstrate properly how much they love their children. when you are not around, they worry abt you constantly, yet when you are around, they have so much to say to you that sometimes it is wrongly conveyed as anger. my sister sees more than her share of our parents' anger, yet when she's not around, i see the endless care, concern and worry they have of her. sis, please please take care of yourself. you are not a child anymore, you should know whats best for you. i am tired of having to remind you to prioritise, and in the process i may even spoil my close relationship with you. i do not wish to start nagging at you every time i see you, the first good talk i have had with you in days. to tell the truth, i always feel very proud to see you trying your best to correct your lack of punctuality, and making it a point to crawl out of bed to make it to sch on time. it is not that you do not know what is good for you, or what is impt at this pt in time, but u seem to have lost track of ur focus. i cry not so much because i seem to have lost my best friend, but because you are doing urself a big disfavour u know? ur health is not exactly the best, and yet u sleep little and eat little. u are going to graduate this yr, but yet u seem to be missing alot of lessons. its ptless for me to tell u to tink abt what is more impt, becos u know it deep down. i can only remind you you know? my words may go in, but you urself would have to find the motivation and courage to go on. get over the past, carry on with your life. find strength in urself, forget and walk away. the more times we fall, the less pain we feel... the more inner strength we can find in ourselves to stand up again.  you can do it dear! know tt there's alot on ur mind now, but i trust you to make the correct decisions. i know i may be a tad disapproving at times, but i have to be extremely rational to balance ur present irrationality. =P sigh. sometimes i really feel like the older sis leh.
 
i am very different from my sis in alot of ways. she's more carefree, like an unfettered wild bird who traverse the wide skies. i am down to earth, pragmatic, and to be truthful more conformed by societal expectations. shes arty, expressive, sociable, out-going while i am more introverted. hmmm mebbe tts why we get along so well, complement each other alot. my sis is a really special girl that i've always admired, and more than once i have felt sorry that she lives in such a conformist society. for one, she always places her friends 1st place. never mind that she has a major exam tmr, if her friend needs a shoulder to cry on, she would be there. for me, i really dont know what i would have done. would i have stop mugging to comfort my friend? that i do not know. its a very noble thing to do, and i seriously doubt whether i can go and confort a friend without a constant niggling worry abt my exam tmr. in retrospect, isnt exams a silly thing to worry abt? friends are suppose to be there for each other, especially in times of need. yet societal pressure demands that we do well for exams and earn a place in the next level of education. are societal values wrongly-placed then?? this has been a question that has been on my mind for a long long time. seems that almost everythg tt is considered impt is superficial, transient. values like loyalty are hardly emphasized. ppl are judged as success or failure by the schools they attend, the grades they get, the classes and streams they are in. what abt the more concrete, meaningful thgs?? i dunno. gah dont read on its one of those days i cant figure out whats so wrong with this little world i live in.
 
went to darryl's hse in the afternoon in a really lousy mood. too many thoughts on my mind. realised friends are really precious, being with them can just lift my spirits! though it was quite tiring and i feel stupid cutting up triangles to make pendants and burning the edges of papers (ooohhh discovered the pyromaniac in me ahah), just having company and not stewing alone at home was comforting. me, wes, sennie, darryl, shaofeng, mich, linus n junyang were there the wholeeeee afternoon sai-ganging! haiz. played alot of stupid card tricks and wat black magic and wat maths-thgy game and wat maaa-maaa game hahaha. so tickled.
 
oh yes, must thank wesley the parsley for being such a gd sport. present a sweetest brother award to u! xie xie ni stay up to keep me awake when i was waiting for my jie. haha n realised i missed icq-crappin with this baby bro of mine. heheh zhu-tou! always very very cheeky and can trade insults with him all night long gosh. but yet can be such a gd friend at the most unexpected times... haha, this is ur one minute of fame, i would continue to insult you the next time i see you!
 
til then. cherish the ppl ard u evryone
 
(and yes, mr anonymous 2, you are so dead. just try lah, continue leavin comments dont let me find out who u r... *dangerous look*)
 
oh yar, past midnight liao... HAPPIE 22ND BIRTHDAY ZHIMIN MAMA!!!!!!!!!! *hugs* many happy returns of the day, keep smiley all years round!!!!