I am quite used to lending my ears to friends who have all sorts of insecurities when it comes to relationships, and its always the same problems… lack of courage, fear of rejection… yaadaa yaadaa. I guess its only human to feel this way bah. But yet I met up with a friend today who belongs to the lesser known species of why-should-i-be-afraid-to-show-my-feelings human beings.

And yes. Happens to be a girl.

Haha wonder what happened to the well-drilled mantra on guys being more courageous… hmm.

I was duly impressed by my friend! She’s now like my idol lor. As in I usually feel abit put-off my girls who are too proactive but hmm I think her case is different, for one cos I know her personally. She wont go after the guy, but she wont be afraid to show her concern. (which makes me wonder why I have to take a few weeks to be able to speak normally hah)

Oh well. Even though now she’s just friends with this guy, can tell she’s really contented cos at least she knows whats happening. Sure beats guessing games.

So now, I’ve decided to encourage all these ppl whom I am “aunt-agonying” to well, just do it lah. Pride is just… a fleeting thg. Hehe.

No pain no gain.

night duty....

aha its now 1.39am!!! and I got sch in abt 7.5 hrs!!! yet I feel quite awake. Heh!

Just finished my first “night call” in AH. Was a self-imposed one lah, cos wanted to try taking blood and setting plugs. But are we unlucky! Weren’t many new cases today so it was relatively quiet. But really did have lots of fun doing night call with esther and Eugene!!! =D

At first I was abit skeptical abt doing night call with them, cos erhmm may feel like a giant light bulb. But hey! They are really so nice! At no point in time did I feel awakward or out of place! Haha mebbe it helps tt they are not a new couple lah. As in they are really sweet to each other but its seems like a very natural thg so an onlooker like me wont feel a need to look away. Hee. And it didn’t feel contrived, the way they jz chatted with me etc etc. haha and they are both hilarious!!!! They say the darnest thgs!!! (yes esther included! Don’t b deceived by her sweet look!!!) had me in stitches for quite a few times…

Oh and our HO was really really friendly! Though we weren’t from her team lah, so she didn’t really know us, but she was so open and friendly and even gossiped abt with us! We were truly taken aback (we expected the HOs to be really upset abt being stuck with us for one whole nite heh)! But of cos delighted as well lah.

We met a really cute little old lady!!! *beams* shes truly the kind of ppl u want to do more for, want to make sure they are happy, don’t wish them to come to any harm. Cos shes just so cute! She was so receptive to us and kept introducing us to her husband (cute little old man) and her son! Its hard to tell that shes unwell… sad thg was we can really tell shes yearning to go home. When the doc was examining her she kept asking if she can be discharged already. =( oh yar haha for sm reason she kept asking me if I had was attached. Hmm. And promptly tried convincing me to let her introduce me to sm guys. Arghhh!!! Ahah it was really funny! Imagining her trying to matchmake ppl haha =P I had to tell her erm no erm its ok! But its quite hard to divert her attention… gosh everyone’s trying to sell me off. So paiseh. Oh and she kept saying our hands are very soft! (looking abit bewildered, she held eugene’s hand and asked “eh girls’ hands very soft, how come urs too?!”) haha! Da shao ye woah! ;P

Oh well she really made my day. Its not always that we meet such great ppl in the wards… (guess cant blame them lah we are always disturbing them and trying to clerk them) and its really comforting to see them in high spirits even though they are hospitalized! Gambatte for these hardy souls!

If there were times I wondered why I ever decide to take this path, ppl like her give me lotsa motivation to push on. =)))) hoorays for cute old ladies!!!!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Woah. Its been so long since I met up with my friends!!! Feeling abit friendless now. =( no fun studying everyday. Yet cant bring myself to do anythg but go straight home after sch! Perpetual exhaustion syndrome. Eeks.

Hai hey txl!!! I haven’t chatted with u in AGES!!!!! Mebbe cos I am nv on msn n when I am on u r not. Bleagh. Haha anyway I bought my new phone liao. Filing for chapter 11 (bankruptcy) ahha…. *heart aches*

I think its quite hideous actually. I am still really sad abt the sudden demise of my beloved old darling phone. I cant bear to trade it in! (esp since the value has dropped from $200 to $20 overnight…. Grouch) I bought the sister phone of my old phone. Except it’s The Ugly Sister. Aha. I was all prepared to hate it lah but I jz cant put of buying my phone! Cos I felt so insecure and weird using mummie’s phone which feels totally foreign to me. But… well grudgingly got to admit this phone is not that bad lah. I have stopped shooting looks of disdain at it anyway. Haha beginning to play more with it yay!



You know smtimes I just find it really tiring to try and understand what sm ppl r thinking abt. I don’t think I understand even though I sort of had insight into the other party’s perspective. Smtimes just feel really bewildered like “hey why is this happening to me” lor. But I guess it cant be helped. Mebbe jz not meant to be close friends bah. I mean I can understand the don’t-want-to-be-too-nice-i-need-to-prevent-myself-getting-hurt part since well I practise it too but seriously! Its not like anythg is gg to happen AT ALL. Not even a remote possibility lor. Gets quite frustrating smtimes having to deal with this kind of behaviour. Well I can norm take it really well jz don’t get me on a bad day. Grrr.

i am truly in shock. this is turning out to be a really crummy day.

see, i was really excited abt getting the newest potter bk. great fan i am. so yar felt the pinch and the garguantous hole in my pocket but oh well. jz had to starve abit nxt wk.

and my phone suddenly died on me. time of death: approximately 16 min 39 sec ago.

it didnt even bid me a fond goodbye.

now i am reeling in shock.

its only been with me 1 yr 3 mths and 3 days.

what do i do now?

repair it? buy a new one?

help.

crummy crummy day.

trying to work hard heh

Another week gone. AHHHH!!!! *sigh of relief* couldn’t have bear with it for much longer! What with extended periods of PMS I really feel like I need to slp abt oooo 25 hrs a day. Sheesh. Which again of cos led me to look at guys with envy. Haha =P

Oh well. At least I managed to feel motivated for once to stay back later than I used to do in the first two wks! I stayed til 6pm one day! *impressed* I am so hardworking praise me. Haha! Oh yar lah but that was to make up for the ultra-guilt-inducing day when we all ran off early to celeb eugene’s bday by playing LAN and having dinner at billy bombers til 10pm. Argh. But to tell the truth, it felt really good to enjoy myself for once instead of simply shuttling to and from the hospital. Actually felt REALLY excited when we started playing LAN! Smthg abt starwars battlefront… great therapy for the ultra stressed-up pandas like me. =p

And yes. It was hilarious to see the kind of names we gave ourselves. Haha erm sm named ourselves after the infamous and notorious doctors in the hosp, while of cos me n xinxin just had to have mak related names. Teehee. I kept getting killed by the rest!!! *rolls eyes* it’s the first time we played with the kang brothers (haha sound like pirated version of chan bros erm ok lame) and WOW! Greg is my nemesis! (so the computer analysis concluded) Feel like sm poor unsuspecting soul who kept getting shot at! Oh but I su de xin fu kou fu, cos hes really gd lah. Dunno how guys can jz move n shoot at the same time n avoid the zillions of bullets I send flying (vaguely) towards them… ahah =P and joseph is jz as gd! Tink guys spend all their time playing LAN. and yes of cos theres philey who shoots me even if I am a team mate. But I conclude its not jz me, since he shot esther too! And xinxin… sneaky! Died in her hands more than once!

We tried to play CS too. It was… bloody. And scary. Blood spurting out everywhere! Haha and we gals spent the first half hr staring at our screen wondering what is happening. (cos of cos the guys didn’t tell us the impt thgs like we shld buy weapons so tt we can kill better… chey!) but oh well its smthg of a joke watching us play! Tink me n esther spent more time screaming at each other! Really the ultimate when we all agreed to use knives! Do u know how tachycardiac we bcm?! And when there was only me n esther left… I tink we were running ard in circles and judging by wat eye-witnesses reported, I was stabbing at the wall and running in circles on the spot all the while screaming my head off. Oops. Embarrassing. Haha. Got finished by esther in the end =( only cos Eugene told her where I was! Ahha cos she was running in circles too!!!

Yep tt must be the most fun I’ve had in days. Realized tt the kang bros were actually not quiet like I thot they were… gosh. They quickly manage to get themselves into my “top 5 enemies list” within a day! Smthg’s wrong with me lah. Even xinxin cant be depended on to be on my side always… sheesh!

Highlight of the day: our bday gift to Eugene was….. taadaaa a ….. CAKE BOX!!! Teehee. Forced him to carry it home. Haha! And there wasn’t even cake inside, we demolished it in the restaurant liao. Oh but hes really a gd sport to agree lah ahha!


It was a rather fun wk at the hosp too! Got a chance to suture! Yay! Though I am really quite lousy and its not the same lah doing it for real! And one of the aunties we befriended was finally discharged after staying in the hosp for more than a mth!!! We were all soooo happy for her! =D and her hubby was full of praise for our team of doctors too! I was really happy for everyone lah, and really inspired by my docs to b jz as gd as them!

But… I realized theres one single female surgeon ard. Oh no. and when I surveyed my own family, 66.6% have less faith in female surgeons (and these happen to be my mum n sis… who are females. Gosh)

Hai. Next wk’s going to be a makless week. =( I’d miss my fav tutor! He told us so many jokes this wk we are practically all so tickled by him! And we managed to have lunch with him! *swoon* haha.

blues

once again i realised tt u can be surrounded by friends, laughter, gd food. and yet feel totally detached and as if u dont really belong in this scheme of thgs.

not tt u r not having fun... but. well. its rather hard to communicate with sm friends once they bcm attached. there are the ones who treat u exactly the same as before, there are the ones u have never really clicked with anyway, then there are the ones whom u used to cling on to at functions like this but it jz dont work this way anymore.

so what happens when almost evryone is attached to each other?

feel like a sore thumb? yep smtimes. *sticks out*

bleagh.

ok i tink i am having cabin fever. time to go out have sm fun with my swinging single friends! (eh TXL get well soon!!!!!)



and this happen to be quite an eventful wk at the hospital too.

for the first time in my entire life, i saw the resuscitation process occuring while a grp of doctors and nurses rushed around with grim looks on their faces.

and i realised tt perhaps it isnt as easy to control ur own grief as i thot it would be.

the patient passed away. this uncle whom i exchanged a few words with in the morning, who was alive and healthy n well.

they say tt guys make better docs cos they r less emotional. i really dont think so. yet u cant be too emotional as to break down when u encounter this kind of thg. as time goes by, u'd prob wont think abt shedding a tear. if tt day really does come, i'd feel sad for the loss of humanity.



there was another uncle, he broke down telling me abt his wife who passed away two yrs ago due to complications of diabtetes. she couldnt have been older than 50 yrs old. really felt like crying with him then. cos he happens to have a really sad life. wheel-chair bound from an industrial accident in which the company refused to compensate him, and now he has to be hospitalised again.

at times like this, words often fail me. how do u offer comfort? i dont like to say anythg. cos i feel tt anythg i say at a time like this will be so condescending. how do u tell him thgs will get better? can only hold his hand and wait for his tears to dry.

i think i am falling sick. boo. on a friday evening smmore. how horrid. i want to puke. and i feel so giddy.

trying to keep awake while my hair drys... arghhhhh.

oh hey whos anonymous? quite surprising been awhile since i've an nameless commentor... haha. anyway... who says docs will marry docs?! if tts the case there wont be so many (i heard lah) unmarried female docs le... and hey! u need to find smone u click with mah. may not find in med.

oh well. kinda too sick to argue more.

hopefully... got time to blog b4 my wkend streak past again.

*head spins*

slacking

there's going to be a new couple in my CG!!!! place ur bets ppl!!! ahha!!! this is really exciting!

considering theres only 6 ppl in my CG of whom 2 are already a couple.... no prizes for guessing who... =P

oh crap. wat a horrid day. didnt see my fav tutor and am having sm horribly tight shoulders.

i want a OSIM massage chair.

MAK fan club

First week of sch has ended. *yawned n stretched* and already I feel stressed! But this is slacking-induced stress heh cos well my CG isn’t terribly hardworking compared to the rest. =P oh but I am really having so much fun!!! Though my official CG has been split up and me, esther, Eugene n philey joined yunxin n Diana instead. They r such great ppl!!! i love my CG!!! And the amazing thg was we all clicked really well, no sweat at all! Though I do miss xtine n wessie lah. Oh well…. Two CG outings within a wk. hmm. I am on my way to errr failing surgery posting heh.

I have always heard tt AH isn’t the best place to go for surgery postings, and in a way I guess this is true. Cos there don’t seem to be any lectures or bedside tutorials arranged!!!! *horrified* but yes, I am REALLY glad to be in AH. Cos I really think the team of surgeons my group is attached to ROCKS!!!!!! Totally awesome!

Dr Mak: our head consultant, one of the most amazing doctors I have ever met in my 21 yrs so far. The first time we met him, he offered us a smile and a handshake. That’s already quite rare! And he went on to show us some shortcuts we can take to certain places. That had us sitting up and taking notice of this exceptionally nice surgeon already, smone who doesn’t seem to have any airs although he’s the HEAD of his dept!

During OT: gosh. I really respected the surgeons after that five-hr long operation. In eclinics the ops I witnessed seem so easy peasy! I thot surgery didn’t seem extremely exciting after the first ten minutes of novelty-induced interest. But hey! The abdominal-perineal resection of the sigmoid colon and rectum really was a major op (in my opinion at least!) and thru it all, the surgeons were ever so attentive and hard at work! No toilet breaks, no tea breaks, no lunch breaks! And the OT nurses too!!! Always at hand to assist the surgeons! Wont go into details (erm tink it may not be very acceptable for non med frens ah) but there was a lot of bld. Gory. And rather messy. I really admired the surgeons!!! Imagine having to endure ur hunger ignore the calls of nature and having to teach pesky students like us at the same time while paying full attention to the op at hand! This is really multi-tasking! And yes, Dr Mak was so nice and encouraging to all those who scrubbed out to help! He always exudes this kindly and sincere and patient air abt him, we just cant help liking him so much! And he’s sooooooooooooooo very charming!

And so… we founded Mak Adoration Klub (MAK). HAHA!!! Aren’t we ingenius!!! *clapclaps* president’s me!!! Vice pres is xinxin! Dianasaur’s secretary! Esther’s er avid fan! Eugene’s in the subclub Mak Appreciation Klub. Haha and philey… wellllll he’s in DLC (for wat it stands for pls approach me directly heh! *winks*)

In SOC, we were totally bowled over by our Dr’s bedside manners. He’s simply WOW! I have never seen a doctor who’s so warm and approachable to his patients! I have seen plenty of nice doctors, but they always seem jz a tad too impersonal. Dr Mak’s different! As the patient walks in, he’d happily address him/her by name, and throughout his whole conversation, he’d sit facing the patient and listen. Really listens. With this look of utmost concentration and attentiveness. And his body language is telling the pt :hey don’t worry u can confide in me”. Oh gosh. I shall resolve to be as gd a doctor as him! And he’d always bother to ask if they have any questions. And if either the pt or their family have any queries, he’d always explain everythg very clearly and unhurriedly! His patience is amazing. =P

His status as our current idol was secured when he suggested having a tutorial by the fountain. Haha! So funny! Though we didn’t get to do it in the end since it started raining… so we went to the cafeteria and he TREATED us to drinks!!!!!!!!! *swoon* if not for the fact tt he’s happily married with 3 kids, I tink there’d b hoards of girls going after him lor. (btw pls don’t get the wrong idea he’s in his 40s I tink… we don’t have tt KIND of crush on him lah!)

And the rest of the team, like Dr Reyaz and our HO Sze Ching, they r so nice too!!! I am in seventh heaven. I tink its not so much the knowledge they impart tt really matters to us at the end of the day, but the fact tt they really don’t mind us and are willing to teach us! They really make me look forward to going to sch everyday!

But now there are rumours we may have to change teams after 4 wks… I am devastated!!! I cant bear the thought! To be fair I guess its smthg other grps will want (those who got the bo chup tutors) but I personally tink it takes time for us to warm up to the tutors n vice versa so we shldnt change teams!!! (yar but then I’d b singing a different tune if I got horrid tutors lah to b honest). WAH!!! But I tink I’d sink into depression! And my sentiments are shared by all my CG mates. Sigh. Pls grant my wish n let us stay on with our team of surgeons!!!! =(((((((((((((

Hai. Wkend is here. But we still have sch evry Saturday. I am feeling kinda panicky. I don’t see any free time for myself!!! Theres SOOOOOOOOO MUCH to read up during the wkends! And I still hav to go for my amore lessons. I have to reject so many bday party invitations n chalets and I still don’t seem to have enough time. Argh. And I feel so bad having to say I am not going! But seriously. Theres too many parties le. I still have to take care of mummy whos sick. Practise driving else my dad will b mad at me. Gah.

And I need sm time to myself!!! To rest. I am feeling so tired. Having to go AH n then still hafta mug. 5 hrs of slp isn’t enuff!!! I am having a really bad slp withdrawal syndrome. =P

Helppppppp.