musings

does anyone ever get the feeling tt u spend so much time lookin after other ppl's feelings n making sure they r alrite tt u urself forget how to live? why do we get tooth decay even when we brush our teeth? is anythg meant to be fated, or r u s'pose to grab n create ur own future? why do we always want to be accepted by others? why are there so many ppl who go out of their way to be nice to others even when they dont feel like it? is there reali smone for evryone of us out there? could there be another person who looks just like me living in another part of the world? why is it that the ppl whom u call ur frens r oso those who smtimes hurt u the most? is there such a thg as selflessness? why do we need to answer to so many ppl when its our own lives we r living? why r there so many misunderstandings, hurt n sadness btw frens? how is it tt sm ppl can just bcm a victim of others' choices? is it really true tt ren bu wei ji, tian zhu di mie? is there life after death? why r so many ppl afraid to be who they r in front of others? who has the authority to decide whats right n whats wrong? why is it smtimes the more misunderstandings tt happen the more u dont feel like clearing it up? why is it so hard to be true to ur heart. after tinking so much, after caring so much for others' situations, u end up sacrificing urself.

jielUn!!! JIELUN!!!! jiELuN!!!!!! JiElUn!!!!!!! jIeLuN!!!!

ohhhhhhhhhh i love JAY!!!!!! i love jielun!!!!! I LOVE JIELUN!!!!!he rocks!!!!!!!!! oh man!!! *swoon* my god. his concert was stupendously unbelievably outta-the-world mind-blowingly superbly fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanta marry him!!!!! oh my god. it was soooooooooooooo good tt i far surpasses the one he had two yrs ago!!! my eyes almost pop out lor! was like another jielun altogether!!! one who dances, sings, make lotsa eye contact with the audience, waved at us, leaps nimbly from one spot to another (onto a sound-blaster i believe) n cooed with his lovely lovely voice!!! my heart flutters. *contented sigh* all the females in the audience were contemplating proposing to him there n there. (the little girls behind me were exclaimin liudly tt they want him as boyfren to which an irate xtine juz declared "jielun my HUSBAND"... oh how embarrassin ahha) but seriously, i wanted to hail a cab n chase jielun to the hotel!!!! (erm not tt i am a crazy fan lah but juz thot it wld b so fun!! once in a lifetime sia!) alas but for my level-headed frens zhengyi n junjie tink i wld have gone...!!! b4 tt we were rushin like mad!! late for jielun's concert, can u believe it!!! cos we left cafe cartel too late lor! hailed cab but got this mad traffic jam tt seems to go on forever!!! n we juz had to bump into ALL the red-lights possible! were grittin our teeth n wanting to scream with anxiety liao lor! oh but chey haha it was juz as zy predicted, the concert only started at 830pm lor. haha. WHEW. the atmosphere was REALLY good!!! we started wavin our lightsticks the min the lights went off!!! n the screamin... WHOA! haha 1st time see s'poreans so wild n screamish n bu-guan-xing-xiang man!!! (oh we were amongst them too! heh) especially junjie! hohho he was screamin even more powerfully than us girls!!! *deeply impressed* n at a much higher pitch too!!! (local pavarotti man!!!) zy went mad too! n started screamin all the super shu stuff! hahaha like wat "zhou-gong" cos he tinks its so unoriginal to shout "jielun".... duh. hahaha =P

u noe, i reali tink pop concerts r the most effective way to tobe ur arms!!! all the waving of light-sticks throughout the 2-hr concert!! gosh. i can feel my muscles undergoing hypertrophy there n there! oh but of cos may end up with one arm visibly fatter than the other lah, cos right-handed mah so use more of right hand ehehe...

oh yes i suddenly remember i must complain to get this off my chest!!!! *GRRRRRR* i swore to myself tt for this concert, i will turn ah-lianish if ANYONE dares to ask me to sit down!!!! (cos tts wat happened two yrs ago! gosh. unbelievably off ppl) but guess wat!?!?!? the same thg happened again!!!!!!!!! *clutches hair in exasperation* i simply cannot understand the mentality of these ppl!!! the whole crowd is standing, swayin n jumping along to the music n u juz paid 100 bucks to sit stoically in ur plushy chair tts not even tt comfy?!?! i wldnt mind if its a bunch of adults who must maintain "xing-xiang", but the ppl who asked us to sit down with a sour-faced look r a bunch of kiddies lor... females smmore!!! *hides face in shame* i thot girls r the ones whos s'pose to go stark-raving mad at these kind of concerts when the artiste happens to be talented, cool n shuai male... anyway!!! i was quite mad! but i didnt turn lianish leh. so disappointing hor.cos i tink i dont have the voice to shout at them lah, so very dui lian if my voice turns croaky half-way ehhe. =P so... sat down lor. so sao xing!!! i was sitting on the edge of my chair lor, n me n zy were grouch-like for a few moments. bah. humbugs! then we tried to run to the front! but the very conscientious ushers quickly shooed us away! *sob*

but still had lotsa fun anyway!! i had almost forgotten y i was so crazy abt jielun liao lor, cos he hasnt cm to s'pore for a loooooooooooooooong time!!! oh but he's matured as a performer!! now hes more "flirty" with the audience, n we all lapped it up n clamoured for more! he talks more, waves more, looked at us more (i tink he used to tink the floor's quite pretty eheh) n wore more funky clothes!!! n oh!!! *perpetual swoon* he played the flute AND the piano AND drums!!!! my god!!!! hes so talented!!!! n he plays the piano reali well!! n the drums!! sooooooooooooo cool!!!! oh n he flung his drumsticks to the audience after playin!!! me n zy were so disappointed cos he didnt throw them at us lor. =(

n jielun my absolute idol sang other songs too! like zhang zheng yue's ai wo bie zou!! one of my favs!! n faye's hong dou!!! u noe how singers r more pretty faces than gd voices, but jielun is both!! his live performance is reali reali good! as if he recorded it b4 hand!!! n oh our hearts juz melt when he sings!! oh he wore boots!!! hehe looks real good. n his hair!!! a part of his fringe is dyed stylishly white! oh n his side profile is absolutely gorgeous!!! tt tall aquiline nose, tt long floppy fringe, the nice cheekbones, the small but oh-so-mesmerizing eyes... *swoon again*

sigh. my gosh. i feel like a crazy fan!! n i turn to mush juz watchin a concert how embarassin!! haha oh dear i can suddenly empathise with all the bae yung jun aunty fans etc n all the looney teenagers who stalk their idol n will fly all over the world to glimpse their idol! its juz the admiration u feel for ur idol lah! n wow jielun is really so zai!! u juz feel like being part of ur idol's life eh? like it'd make u happy juz to noe tt he's glanced in ur direction or smthg! foolish but oh so true! we all started wavin feverishly whenever he glances in our direction, as if he can see us!! haha! its actuali very very fun to go mad n behave with abandonment when attending concerts! juz soakin in the atmosphere... fwah!!! all-time high lor!! as if the thousands if ppl there r united by a common adoration of jielun!! n evryone behavin like teeny-boppers haha quite hilarious leh! even us lah, 20 yrs n still screaming like 14 yr-olds! if our frens have seen us... wahah

oooohhhh qichang juz told me jielun is 1.73m tall! haha aiyah can lah want so tall for wat rite!!! haha i'd still adore him if he's 1.5m ahha *winks* eh, dont fight with me k go find ur own hubby lah. oh n xtine, u better take a backseat lah ahah =P

oh dear all my frens r gg to tink i've turn into an airhead ah lian, gushing on n on abt jielun! JIELUN!!! JIELUN!!! ahah!!!! oh but who cares.. life's too short to b overly concerned abt wat others tink lah! oh but juz wanta add a disclaimer: the writer is normally very clear-headed n clam n this is an abberant event. hahaha

i wonder how cm smone as musically talented as jielun can exist man! *bewildered* oh but no complaints hahah =P i want more! more! more!!! hope he comes back again nxt yr! i miss him oredi! n i promise myself this time i will buy the most ex tickets!!!! then i can make a big big poster n propose to him ahaha!

hope i wont go into post-jielun blues... oh man smone find me a man like jielun pls. or juz give me jielun. *dreamy*

i love JIELUN!!!!!

hoo boy!!! hahaha its mere HOURS to my jielun concert!!! ahhaha wowee FINALLY. have been moping ard for yrs hopin he will cm n hold a concert again soon! yippee! oh but die lah i didnt go n memorise the lyrics of songs on his new album. aiyah cos i bought fish leong's new album which was so gd tt i cant stop listenin hehe. *thoughtful look* haiyah nvm lah i got sore throat anyway! can only croak if i knew the lyrics anyway! heh. hope today's concert will b gd lor, wah i reali detest my bu zeng qi de throat, for being so contrary n juz have to feel irritable n ticklish at this moment! wat rubbish. havent been slpin well too bcos of u!!! GAH. heheh sigh my sis is in okhlohoma liao. miss u babe!!! feeling less lost than the first few days, cos she called back!!! wahaha. =P feels quite bewildering tho, cos everytime i come home i see her bunch of keys hangin n my dumbo heart will juz jump with hope until i realise she has flown. hmm. haha she got retained at chicago! hehe apparently she resembles a terrorist or smthg. *thoughtful look* perhaps she grew a beard while flying to chicago ehhe. oh but it seems quite intimidating too, poor gal. *hugz* hmm i hope i wont feel too blue not havin her ard. seems like losing my besy fren likedat. aiyah but no big deal she'd b bac in january wat, juz in time for my bdae! *grinz* time will fly one wat i tink. esp when u r preparing for %&^#%%$(&&@^&^@ ca *growl* hokie dokie gg to dress n go out liao. mtgin zhengyi xtine junjie n vincent for dinner then JIELUN!!! woohoooooooooooooo!!! lao gong wo lai ye!!! (ahah oh no oh no xtine dont bash me up) oh yar, a big thankew to all my frens who endured my grouchiness, n for understanding when i didnt feel like tokin abt it, n for understanding when i felt like toking. for respecting my need to keep to myself smtimes when i feel blue. love u guys!!! =P

yay!!! yayayayayay!!! hahah at last. i feel happier than i have had in days. *less grouchy look* a bad day with a rather good ending i would say. wat with a ticklish nose n a throat threatening to go on strike with all the bad company they hang out with (believe me, it must b staph mumble mumble) n a terrible i-have-an-elephant-on-my head feeling, its turning out to b bearable lah. oh zhengyi u rock!!! haha thx for coming to visit the invalid. heh. n for puttin thgs into perspective. else i will just sink into my little blue n depressive world n tink of becming a hermit n turnin vegan for the rest of my life. its time to not let myself b so affected by others' thots n actions. yar lah, on a bad day its hard to remain passive n cool n calm, but y let it bother me rite. its my own life! live it the way i see fit. stop brooding over the millions of insensitive remarks tt tactless beings spout. i realise i shld learn how to defend myself more. else there's too many ppl steppin all over me happily, trampling me n squashin me into oblivion into the smelly old dirt. n its time i start tinkin more of myself rather than spend my time tinkin abt all the little insignificant stuff. time to sit down n get in touch with inner me n ask myself wat i reali want in life. n go get it. no more zi bao zi qi-ing. wat will i do without frens who make so much sense. haha i feel foolish smtimes.

to hahahahahaha

u noe, hahahahaha, i am reali glad to haf a friend like u. =)

thx for ur concern.

its just tt smtimes i wonder y the things tt happen to me just had to force me to be so strong, cant stand it smtimes.

*hugz*

smtimes i tink its hard for me to keep running to my frens, cos i just like to tink i am so strong.

i am vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv tired from crying. nv had such a weepy yr b4. n i wonder if it will ever b the same again.

u noe, smtimes i wonder how cm sm ppl in this world can just b so insensitive. mebbe they didnt mean it, mebbe they meant it. but wateva the case, words spoken can never be taken back. the terrible words once uttered will remain a lingering memory in the recipient's mind. n smtimes, when the insensitivity has gone on for so long, it just stops hurting anymore. ok, mebbe not. but for me, anger has long replaced hurt. for it is far more easier to deal with than feeling hurt n vulnerable all the time. especially since the ppl who normally hurt us the most are the ones who r closest, dearest to us. this has been a very very very long wk. alot of unpredictables tt happened, sm happy, others juz plain sad. v v v v v v v v v sad. its a wonder how life can just turn topsy turvy in just one nite huh? within a wk, from depressing to undescribable happiness to the-end-of-the-world. i cannot even begin to understand how terrible tt feeling is. i can only try to empathise, but u noe wat? i tink i can nv even begin to imagine wat kind of life tt must be. be strong my dear friend. will always always b here for u, no matter wat. smtimes i feel like i am too lucky for my own good. life is juz so simple n happy, without any major bumps or hurdles i have to cross. when the biggest troubles i will ever get is pondering over results n my white hairs n my balding syndrome n my lack of prince charming. smtimes life is so unfair. smtimes i tink i am a terrible friend. to tink my fren has been suffering so much for so many yrs n tt i fail to pick it up. haf bouts of depression tt i dont even noe abt, haf serious issues to come to terms with tt i cannot even fathom was on his mind. n to haf finally accepted wat is to be, embraced life again, n then to lose it all in a twinkling of the eye. i am disgusted with the world at this moment. y do thgs haf to turn out like this. y the good nice ppl nv get their happy endings. y one's life has to be dictated by others' expectaions of oneself, y one's happiness cannot involve juz oneself. whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy. i want to give my fren a hug. *HUGZ* love u, b strong.

=D

i am haPpIe HaPpiE HaPPie HAPPPIEEEEEEEEE haPpIe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahhaa lumdeedumdumdum!!!!!!!!!! gosh my heart seems to be burstin with joy!!! ah cant take it. hahah cant stop grinnin either...!!!! today's such HAPPY GORGEOUS DAY!!! i am too excited to slp ahahahaha =P oh swoon.

lumdeeeeedeeeeedummmmm~

i am veryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryveryvery tiredddddddddddddddddddddddd........ its no fun walking for the whole day in heels!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH. sm kind soul, pls, chop them off. *look of bravery mixed with regret* having an extremely interestin conversation with a good fren now... hahaha hmmmm. u noe who u r lah huh!!! *beams* well... love is tricky business bah. BUT dont indulge in self-denial if u really like a person... never mind if its a crush or just a passing fancy. (hee cos i noe u r not the kind to do anythg abt ur crushes... like most of us! hah) just like lor, go with ur feelings!!! n let nature takes its own course! bu yao xiang tai duo woah, u will only make urself miserable i tink... understand perfectly ur concerns hahah since i got a teeny weeny suspicion its the same as mine!!! wahahhahahahaha =D aiyah but dont go out of ur way to not tok to him lah... its like deceiving urself likedat leh... =p "zhen zhi de you yi bu xu yao cheng nuo, zhu ding de yuan fen bu xu yao yue ding yin wei shen ming zhong de ren he ji yuan, dou shi na yang de ke yu bu ke qiu...." oh well. lets have an agreement!!! if we r not attached by hmmm 26 yrs old! hahaha then we will make the 1st move!!! heheheheeee... oh but so embarassing. i will prob juz marry off to vietnam (i figure all the vietnamese women r marryin to s'pore, so there shall b a serious lack of brides there rite? hehehe) to save face. else i will nv b able to face the world again! ARGH. hahah erm ok lah u can join me when i go vietnam heh. sorry lah i dont haf a brother who is nice n lovely n devoted n caring n sincere n funny n romantic to intro to u.... *regretful little shake of my head* oh if got i will marry him myself who cares abt incest! hahaha =P *yawn* ok i cant go on. no strength to write abt my walk in orchard with xtine... then i bumped into ah ting, yiqing, qichang (feng nu ren!!!!!), hopey n then ivan.... hahahahah oh no i am delirious from lack of slp. forgive me folks. i am gg to drool over my keyboard soon (oh yuck!) hahaha so tataz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! baabaa black sheep jump over the fence.... one... two.... hundred.... (ok cant count for nuts hhahaha =D)

bLoAt BlOat BloAT!!!!!!!!!!!

hoo boy. i feel BLOATED. hahaha call me bloat the blob from now on! *big silly grin* i have like, oh mebbe 20 pieces of durian happily nestling in the warmth of my roomy stomach now. Wahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! today's reali been a GREAT great day! havent had so much time for a long long lonnnnnnnggggggggggg time! lets see, we were s'pose to accompany xtine to geylang today to protect her from slimey creatures pretending to be human, cos it was her 1st tuition lesson with a thirty-smthg yr old businessman who wants to learn colloquial chinese... but in the end, he flew overseas for business! but we decided to go ahead with our durianing trip lah ahahah to my utmost relief! but since evryone had smthg they want to do b4 tt, me, xtine wessie cristelle n greggorie weggorie went off to ikea to walk walk. heh oh poor cristelle n greggie were very traumatised by the 3 of us squashed at the back of the car, cos we were making a huge ruckus! in their own words," its like bringing three three-yr-old kids out!!" haha oh which is quite true since they r my daddy n mummie n wessie is my little bro... n xtine must be the youngest then! ehehehehe =P ikea was wonderful! like a mini castle with lots of hidden nooks n crannies and lots of homey scenes.... esp now tt its nearing xmas!!!! wow all the xmassy feel in the air, its almost tangible ahha! wah i love xmas though i am not a christian... er-hmm by the way tt means i hope i get lots of xmas presents!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps with joy* oh but stupid wes The Stingy One declared tt xmas is too near my bdae, so i cant haf any xmas gifts... *growl* wat a tight-fisted terrible *hi* com *abia* hahahahaha =P we found sm reali oh-so-soft beds tt make u want to slp there forever!!!! *swoon* me n xtine were practically sinking into one of the beds wondering if beggars ever thot of coming in to slp at ikea....actuali make sense rite? they nv did put up threatening "DO NOT lie on the beds pls" signs that practically scream "else u will get it.....hiak" mah, if i were homeless i'd slp in ikea in the day n then roam the streets at nite. oh ok i digressed haha. anyway throughout the walk thru ikea greggie kept donking our heads with a cute kiwi fruit-like soft toy that we discovered n tt he named doobit. hahah doobit the stupid! (hey it rhymes! hiak) while wes the pest kept pushing me into sm makeshift toilet or try to suffocate me with huge cushion.... wah i tell u ah, smday i will haf my revenge! warn u countless times NEVER to incur the wrath of a woman, esp NOT me! (yes, haf nightmares abt how i will exact my revenge on u hehehe n break out in cold sweat tinking abt it wahahhaahhahahahahahahaa *evil glint*)

we FINALLY made it to geylang.... but not before an absoultely harrowing experience in cris's car whereby the only person who didnt "bully" me was cristelle. yes, even xtine joined in the lets-be-mean-to-huili game tt greggie so love to indulge in! *fumes with rage* hahaha so i had to declare i wasnt tokin to anyone except cristelle. just treated them like sm pesky mosquitoes buzzing ard my ears n pretended not to hear them when they speak to me! until greggie n wessie reali started saying "buzzbuzzzbuzzzzzz" to me..... DUH. hahaha oh dear my friends r reali..... erm..... ahhh.... interesting huh? gosh. so old yet so childish.... tsktsk

YAY! we started on our food trawl after meeting up with shaofeng the mong, mich the fish n sen the bend. haha. quite scary, my 1st time going to geylang although th rest said tt we r going to a relatively safe part. oh but feel quite ok oso lah, i mean i purposely wore jeans! n even debated smearing sm fright-nite fake blood to disfigure myself heh. (oh but guess tt will freak myself out too! haha) first stop was at a place where the rest ordered beef hor fun, frog-legs porridge and oyster egg.... all of which i dont eat! (i can hear the nagging coming from them already.... esp feng the mong who is firmly convinced i only eat mixed rice =P) n to tell the truth, my stomach was curling up with disgust as i watch them slurping down the porridge. ewww. poor froggies. cant imagine eating tt. oh gosh. had to put up reali strong resistance to prevent them from force-feeding me ahaha...

then.... we went on to eat yong he tau huay! haha hmmm slurp yum!!! i love tau huay!! oh but quite sad there wasnt enuff sugar syrup n tt takes the joy out of eating it... had to exert real strong will-power to say no to fried dough fritters! (sigh i hate diets.) n then... finally! durian time!

haha oh it was quite scary walking the streets to find a durian stall where we can sit n eat.... of cos the guys simply ignore our safety n walked like 1 km in front of us, with xtine n me bringing up the rear... !! *rolls eyes* just as we were muttering under our breath abt the uselessness of guys, sen was nice enuff to walk behind us. hahah lucky he did! we were one step away from goin into a black magic shop n sticking needles into voodoo dolls. (or i was anyway heh)

oh here comes the exciting part! *rubs hands in glee* we passed by sm women who were just standing by looking as if they were waiting for smthg. at first didnt tink much of it until i realise their blouses r reali reali low-cut, and sm sleazy characters were chattin them up! gosh. bits of interestin titbits of conversation we caught:

"i dont anyhow let women touch me one you noe... " proclaims an eighty-yr old uncle who was leering at the lady in front of him.

"wah, you don't know what i have been through in my life man... i have tried everythg..." boasted another uncle with a shifty look abt him. (oh haha this is based on my imagination based on wat xtine told me heh)

aiyo!!! i mean aiyo!!! so scandalous!!!! me n xtine were staring at each other in wide-eyed disbelief even as the blind-as-bat sen walks placidly behind us. didnt even notice anythg til we alerted him to the fact! FWAH. haha n nosey wes's eyes immediately lighted up when we mention a sexy lady, until we told him she works in the red light district. eheh. hmmm actuali reali quite an eye-opener lah, i have nv seen this kind of thg in my life b4 lor...

last stop: durians! i had a huge craving during cas but my mum refuses to let me near durians... heh. oh man!!! the whiff of durian smell is enough to turn my knees into jelly! hmmmm!!!! haha xtine n i practically pranced up to the stall n started smelling n choosing durians as if we were the experts... sen was s'pose to help us pick lah, but in the end the uncle helped us choose... not bad! we ate 3 for $10, 2 for $4 n 3 ultra good ones at $20!!!! oh heaven. and gosh u wldnt believ this. this durian had palm-sized pieces of durian flesh!!!! it was SO HUMONGOUS it looks disgusting haha. n erm dunno which smart alec referred to it as tumour. i mean, wateva appetite there was for the garguantous pieces was killed with tt reference. haha oh but i referred to it as fibrous! actuali which it was lah cos i tink the peripheral flesh prob aged liao haha. eeeugh it was quite gross watching everyone eat the impossibly gigantic durian!

oh the after-feeling was terrible. i ate so much it feels pain to sit! argh. was walking ard in a daze, feeling my temperature climbing n a sore throat developing. n cheeks have tt i-am-drunk rosy appearance! intoxicating. haha. was quite grossed out during the mrt trip home by sen who kept sending toxic fumes into the air whenever he laughed, which was like non-stop ahha. n wes was tryin to avoid the chemical warfare desperately as he was smack in the line of fire. teehee. oh n the best part was xtine!!! hahah tink she got drunk on xo d24 durians, she referred to my humerus as my GLOMERULUS!!!!!!! n we all promptly burst into fits of giggles. oh no xtine!!! n was teased mercilessly by feng who kept poiting to her head etc n naming them nephron, tubules etc. the whole world is mad. haha

yawn. finally another gone! looking 4ward to the 5-day break, plan to reali relax n njoy myself! ahah. meanwhile no more lunch for me tmr! i haf ingested enuff calories to last 5 days. *guilty* aiyah... die lah i am so weak-willed!!!! oh but i must work hard. if i dont lose 6kg i am gg to demand wessie pay me $2000 as compensation since he's the president of my slim-down club hahah! oh but if i do accomplish tt i get a free lunch! (hehe ritz carlton woohoo here i come!!!) alrite man towards my goal, wo yi ding xing! oh pls evryone, stop offering me food.

"Do Not Feed The Pigs Pls, Thank You For Your Cooperation. "

the return of ME!!!!!

hullohullohullo blog!!!!! *hugs blog* wow its been a loooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg time since i have seen u!!!! hahaha must've missed me rite....!!!!! *beams* i must MUST announce to the world: my CAs are OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *whoops with joy* ahahhahahahahahha tralalalallalalalfglallalalalalalalalalaldumddeeeeeedummwoohoooooooooo!!! *dances with joy* rolls ard in delight* i mean, is tt good news or is tt good news!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like a NEW man!!!! reborned!!!! a butterfly out of a pupa/larva (oh wateva) spreading my wings for the first time!!!! like WOW! (erm ok sounds abit cheesy heh) the feeling is.... indescribable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its like having a permanent house-cum-library arrest whereby the most exctiting tt happens in my daily life was going to nus co-op!!!! (lips tremble with emotion over thoughts of my faithful stoic buddy The Co-op) hahahaha me n xtine will ALWAYS traipse to the co-op to act as an excuse to delay our muggering no-life daily routine. (looking back i wonder how i managed to preserve my sanity!!!!!) n now i am free again!!!! hahahaha n none the worse except for erm sm excess pounds n severe alopecia (new word i learned: hair loss!!!!! WOW!) some suspicious stringy black threads are masquerading as my used-to-be luxuriant head of silky, smooth, soft hair!!!! *disgusted* oh i tink the sink will get choked sooner or later if i continue to have such terrible inhumane 6-tests periods in my life!!! hmmmm no wonder yunnam n beijing 101 the professional trichologists r doing a roaring trade.... bet all r medical students hahahahaha =P (oh yar sherminny was hypothesizing tt the co-op prob has shares in these two companies.... the money-eaters grrrr) now tt the most disgustingly stressful periods of parvoviruses n wat weird nipah virus n wat stupid macrophages r OUTTA MY LIFE! (at least for a few wks heh!) i am ready to...!!!! eh. erm. aiyah DO SMTHG! ahahahha get back to my watch tv like theres no tmr, n start memorising my jielun's lyrics for his concert in just 20 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *excited grin* oh gosh i cant wait!!! so long since i had anythg so fun to look 4ward to!!! oh yar, n my new resolution! evryone pls hold ur breath. this resolution is do-or-die! great impact on my life!!!! WEIGHT-LOSS!!!!!! like MAJOR weight-loss smmore. hahaha i am determined to tell the whole wolrd so as to make it very embarrassin if i dont lose weight. which means i will prob b more determined due to i-must-save-face mentality! yay! n COFM says to increase self-efficacy, one must self-talk. so pls ah, my dear friends, be warned. dont bundle me up n stuff me into an ambulance bound for woodbridge if u see me muttering under my breath with the occasional dramatic fling of my hands or clutching of my hair hor!!!!! oh yes!!! y leh? aiyah cos i got reali scared by COFM notes. like wat disease blahblahblahblah, all related to unhealthy lifestyle n high BMI!!!! was horrified. veins were practically poppin out. dont wanta regret it when i am 60 n hooked onto all sorts of weird contraptions needed just to sustain me in a better off dead state! cos i wanta b a bubbly old lady pottering ard the house when i am old, playing with my grandkids (aiyah hopefully i get married!!!), touring the world with my hubby!!! an old lady who ages in a dignified way n with a smile on my face!!! heh. although i must say this reason may not b strong enough to motivate me leh. cos i am a very typical myopic youngster who cannot see myself as being so unlucky to have so many diseases! oh but i also want to look good lah. which = losing weight = feeling more confident = carry myself better = less self-conscious = less fearful of trying new things = more exciting life = more fulfilling life = less discontentment n regrets!!!!!! n having battled with this leech-like stress-related weight problem, its time to get rid of it once n for all! n since marie-france is out of the ques.... (sigh!), just gotta do it the good old-fashioned way of diet n exercise then! aiyah. smtimes i reali tink i am very weak-willed. n also have the unfortunate tendency to eat more when i am stressed. so unfair! most ppl lose their appetites when stressed, so they bcm nice n thin like sm walking chopsticks while i just start looking like a bowl! *groan* n i am also v stubborn! always tink if i try to lose weight i will b conformin to societal pressure, which i refuse!!! so u c its reali hard to convince myself to lose weight! oh but i am DETERMINED. must lost 6 kg b4 my 21st bdae!!! its my bdae gift to myself. +D oh but which means i have like two mths to do it! gah. must realli steel my mind liao! no more temptations!!!! no chocs no blueberry cheesecake no durians (except this mon when we go geylang heh) no buffet no sun moulin no nothg!!!! grass for me n nothg else! *brave look* I CAN DO IT! haha. oh. but so many bdaes coming i will prob feel reali tempted. =P hit me smone, anyone!!! if u see me putting anythg non-grass into my mouth!! smtimes i wonder abt girls. amazing how they can just shed kilos bcos they want to look good! *utmost admiration* i am nv vain enough to see tt as a valid reason to starve myself n bcm a pale, whitish , paper-thin version of my former self. hmm but its so sad if i spend the whole of my life tinking n feeling n being fat! its juz a thg i hafta do for myself, n its now or never! haiyah. must reali jia you woah. *steely glint in eyes* hey those who have good weight-losing tips, pls tell me!!! haha =D i need to set up a help-huili-lose-weight! help group.... any interested members? privileges include the right to take away my chocs or any other food in my hands, right to scold me til i cry if i am weak-willed, right to take away my spending power if i keep buyin chocs.... yadda yadda. so fun rite! haha =P ok i am tired. a result of lack of bloggin practice!!!! hahaha promise to blog more often now! yay! oh i got an email from meiling!!!! hahahaha what a wondeful surprise! to which i wrote a 50min worth reply which promptly got lost during the sending process. tell me y comps hate me pls, smbody. ARGH. alrite gg off to cuddle in bed with a good book! yay! miss reading books tt r NOT textbooks hahahaha! wish for myself to have a sweet dream tonite! ;)