i am sick

oh misery

must be the first HO to keel over and take MC

*sigh*

wondered who passed the superbug to me, my mo and my reg. all down w sorethroats!

and then i had the fever chills and rigors

superb

=(

my last wk in my ward! feeling kind of sad already. Just getting used to it and everythg... will miss the ppl and the ward.

seriously don't like myself much these days; too grumpy and perpetually have this wrinkled-up prune-like puckered dont-u-dare-come-and-bother-me-look. like a hedgehog who swallowed a lemon.

ha. sheesh! i think i am developing a bad working attitude. must learn from ganesh and "chill". no matter how much work or s**t that comes flying, i am sure i can finish it! stop being such a worrier and easily stressed up person. i wonder how come i seemed to cope better in my first wk. Becoming sick of crappy thgs that happen i guess!

nooooooo. i must get my usual self back. can't stand living with sour old prune. BAH.

and i got my first pay! and i suddenly feel myself morphing into an extra stingy person. Earning is really not an easy job man. But it does give me alot of satisfaction giving ang pows to my parents! =D heehee. although i must admit there's quite alot of heartache involved too when half your pay is gone. i shall go back to eating grass. or maybe popping D50.

oh nitecall this fri... let's hope i would be well on my way to recovery by then! urgh.

Wkend is here! YAY. finally... sure took its own sweet time in coming!

been 12 days since i had a day off... lalalallala i really enjoy this free as a bird feeling!

and yes. it has been confirmed. sunday calls are really BAD. my phone didn't stop ringing till 2 am!!!! actually had lunch at 11pm. almost died from hypoglycemia and i think i was scaring all the nurses by being terribly fierce and grouchy. haah but i can't help it! hunger + stress + incessant calls + super many ECGs to review = one grumpy grouch. actually i really feel quite ashamed of my terrible bhvr but really, i was so swamped and sinking rapidly into the quicksand of depression!!! better start doing yoga or taichi of smthg to temper my mood. blah.

and i am really thankful for the ppl who fed me on call. you know, it's like when you are in this deep abyss and smone unexpectedly shows u kindness, u just want to weep (too gan dong).
1. Irene fr 57
- offered hot chocolate and pong bia at 2 plus pm after learning i didnt have lunch!
2. Yee Leng
- my half call MO from my first call who wasn't even my MO tt day! bought sandwiches and shared her green tea w us -> finally i had "lunch" at 11!
3. Nice staff nurse fr 55
- passed me kaya toast along the corridor! must go find out his name

these ppl are really too kind for words. haah and to think i was such a walking terror that day, snapping away at everyone! i really morph into medusa on calls man.

covering a certain wing that deals with certain pts and their relatives really stretched me thin. i was called over urgently as they wanted updates. i was like .......... anyway i went over under duress and was promptly treated to an impromptu shouting match btw two well-meaning siblings right in front of the elderly pt. and that was when i decided even a HO can speak up and tell them straight to pls show respect for their sick mum. *roll eyes* ah well. my poor MO. luckily an urgent call came and we were extricated from tt tricky situation. sigh

but then, it was also the first call that i got to slp! was trying to help yu chin but cldnt take it anymore and tumbled into bed. to my horror i actually had insomnia the first half hr (too much fearful anticipation of when the next call will come!)

it turned out to be a rather gd wk despite such a bad post-call slpy monday.

made peace with a certain smone who was causing me much distress, and now i feel much better. in fact, i am seeing a new side and yes i shld stop my mutinous attitude. maybe i can learn to respect this person after all. hee.

made some new friends this wk! and actually bumped into my old KE pal whom i havent seen for 5 yrs!!!! no wonder i always thought the pharmacist looks familiar! we used to play badminton together in our hall days! wow! and she actually recognises me! haha those were the fun days. i was so lousy but keen on badminton, i think these were the only ppl who can tolerate my crappy badminton skills. muahah =P

i think i will miss my ward when i leave next wk. although i am happy to be able to go back to my beloved SIP ward! and i feel so bad that my mistake caused much trouble and inconvenience to a nurse lor. hai. forgot to add mixtard to the prescription, so pharmacist called and very nicely didnt ask me to reprint for them just to amend it on cpss. which i did but it nv cross my mind to inform my SN. in the end she didn't know the insulin was in the fridge and we sent the pt to nursing home wo insulin! only got to know in the evening! and she had to bring the insulin down to the NH! felt terrible. and she won't accept cab fares! hai. i feel super guilty lah. i must really be more careful next time. =( and she didn't blame or scold me! feel even more guilty.

i hope my gd mood keeps up! doing HO1 calls next! heard it's VERY scary. shucks. haha. alamak. better start practising ABGs on my soft toys. gulp.

It's my life

As a HO

You may sometimes feel unappreciated
You may feel made used of
You may think that others are claiming credit for your work
You may wonder why there are ppl who are so helpful, and yet there are just as many if not more ppl who would rather spend time telling you what to record than do it themselves
You may feel like the stupidest HO in the world
But you may also feel like you know better than Them
Your patients and their family may love you
But the drunkard next door can shout at you and ask why the hell their chapati is replaced with rice
You would have the occasional urge to kiss the nurses who are so competent and so nice and helpful and have a wonderful humour to boot
And you would have the occasional urge to sew someone's lips together or ask them what the hell they are being paid to do
You would smtimes feel very very very wronged
Especially when thgs are not done not because you are lazy, but because it was just not told to you
You would often wonder why your pay is lower than the McDonald's night shift staff
And why some ppl like the phlebotomist can be rude to you despite your ever polite tone
You may tremble with fear when you make calls to the bigshots regarding blue letters
And be pleasantly surprised when they turn out to be really nice (like the anaesthetist who took over my plug-setting on a difficult patient)
And post-calls, when you have not had sleep for 30 hrs and still have mountains of work undone and no breakfast
You may find yourself tearing after being accused of harassing the MRI staff
This is of course, on a background of not being offered any real help other than "I can help you do the prescriptions"
When you have in fact 8 discharges, two memos, blue letters, calls to consultants to review their patients, bloods to take, MRIs to trace, records to document, and results to trace.
And when the uncle you have gotten used to seeing everyday suddenly passes away
You just have to learn to blink back the tears and face the family as a professional
And at the end of the day
You learn that you are only human
Mistakes are bound to be made
Scoldings are bound to occur
Just take it, chew it, and spit it out
And just go to sleep knowing that
You have at least done your very best.


HO life can really be a trying time. Thank god for my friends.

stark reality

i am utterly upset over this.

and i can't understand why thgs turn out this way.

my happiness of starting work had over the period of 3 hrs degenerate into "this is just not fair". perhaps working life is just bound to be like this.

after not sleeping for 30 hrs and still being expected to function at the optimal level and have the person not offering to help you in any significant way, i really just couldn't take it and broke down. i really couldn't help it. despite many trips to the room to compose myself.

i know it really looks bad and would make it seem like i can't handle myself. but i can't help it. fatigue, a sense of being made use of, and realisation that not everythg will go smoothly even if u put ur heart in ur work did me in, and of course, the fact that miscommunication can occur just any time. you may just be doing your work, and people can accuse you of harassing them.

that really cut me deep.


i think i just have to come to terms with this. this is the real working life. as ganesh says, i must learn not to take everythg personally. but i guess a fatigued state is just more vulnerable than usual to this kind of rubbish that gets thrown at me.


at least i had a great on-call MO with me who really helped me every single part of the way. Thank you for people like Sanjay and Yee Leng.

salted fish HO

wheeee!!!!

i think i am adapting. haha i am enjoying my work! i feel like an efficient clerk. teehee.

although i can't say i like the feeling of having a full bladder all the time and being dry as a salted fish, it's really quite fun just having two cubicles to manage!

hmm. though i wonder why i always seem to have endless things to do. bah.

feeling very upbeat today after an unexpected compliment, which made me feel really appreciated for the effort i have made! know these won't happen often... better cherish it while it lasts haha. =) and my days are definitely made easier with nice nurses and brother!!! (i still find it funny to call the nurse manager brother... haah!) and i like my team! hehehe. HOs MOs Assoc Con and Con all nice. yay.

and i am so thankful for nice ENT drs. i had to call the ENT MO like two thousand times for a patient who pulled out the first Frekas tube, and following which there were 2 unsuccessful reinsertions as the tube doubled back up the hypopharynx. but dr tan k s was really nice abt it! i was half-expecting a scolding lor. but he still readily agreed to reinsert it though he was going to be in OT for whole day! people like this really makes my day. =D

and of cos, i got "reprimanded" today for calling the blue letter registrar too late. sigh. but anyway i would have gotten into trouble if i don't know the case well enough before i called, so it's a lose-lose situation. just have to get used to this!

friday call! really really hope for gd call luck! pls pls pls *prays*

Lowest Paid Dregs of the Hospital Pond

I am finally a house-officer! YAY!

No longer stuck in the stay-in-wards-till-6-go-home-still-mz-mug mode.

Welcome to the round-at-0730-latest-go-home-by-8-hopefully-and-maybe-will-have-time-to-eat-lunch-go-toilet-drink-water HOship!

Frankly speaking, it’s the 5th official day of work and I am EXHAUSTED. But in a sadistic kind of way, I am kind of enjoying my work. There’s really a kind of a home-coming feeling going back to work where I used to do SIP! Although it really is very different from the internship days when I just happily trail Liqi and pretend to look very indispensable grabbing files and filling out neuro forms hah. =P

I can’t really think of a reason why I feel like I have heaps to do! I can’t wait for SIPs to come in *rubs hands in evil glee* but then, I also dread losing face in front of them. I can just imagine…

“Dr Dr! Please ink up some fleet enema for patient!”

“Eh? Er how to write ah…” --- spastic reply.

Oh well. Can’t be bothered lah! I can only tell myself this is the year to learn! Nevermind if I seem stupid and foolish, just remain upbeat! And hope I don’t get so severely scolded by year end that I end up in ward 12. hah!

At least I have nice colleagues! The nurses, ward clerk and the med team are all pretty nice. Imagine working with someone you can’t stand… gosh. I may explode from all the unspoken words!

I finally understand why people spend so much effort making lists of their patients. There’s something really satisfying about knowing your patients well, and really, it does them a whole world of good! And it makes doing discharge summaries so much faster and easier. Oh no. I am showing signs of workaholism. I need time to go speed-dating one lor. *grumbles*





OK. THAT’S IT!
Some idiot banged my car and ran away!!!! O^##$%(^&%(#^q#$%#$&*#^q DON’T LET ME FIND OUT WHO U ARE. UI$#&*(^()$^#Q^$)&#^$*&#^Q$&*)Q#^$)Q I hope u have nightmares tonight!!!!!! GRRR.