stark reality

i am utterly upset over this.

and i can't understand why thgs turn out this way.

my happiness of starting work had over the period of 3 hrs degenerate into "this is just not fair". perhaps working life is just bound to be like this.

after not sleeping for 30 hrs and still being expected to function at the optimal level and have the person not offering to help you in any significant way, i really just couldn't take it and broke down. i really couldn't help it. despite many trips to the room to compose myself.

i know it really looks bad and would make it seem like i can't handle myself. but i can't help it. fatigue, a sense of being made use of, and realisation that not everythg will go smoothly even if u put ur heart in ur work did me in, and of course, the fact that miscommunication can occur just any time. you may just be doing your work, and people can accuse you of harassing them.

that really cut me deep.


i think i just have to come to terms with this. this is the real working life. as ganesh says, i must learn not to take everythg personally. but i guess a fatigued state is just more vulnerable than usual to this kind of rubbish that gets thrown at me.


at least i had a great on-call MO with me who really helped me every single part of the way. Thank you for people like Sanjay and Yee Leng.