blues

once again i realised tt u can be surrounded by friends, laughter, gd food. and yet feel totally detached and as if u dont really belong in this scheme of thgs.

not tt u r not having fun... but. well. its rather hard to communicate with sm friends once they bcm attached. there are the ones who treat u exactly the same as before, there are the ones u have never really clicked with anyway, then there are the ones whom u used to cling on to at functions like this but it jz dont work this way anymore.

so what happens when almost evryone is attached to each other?

feel like a sore thumb? yep smtimes. *sticks out*

bleagh.

ok i tink i am having cabin fever. time to go out have sm fun with my swinging single friends! (eh TXL get well soon!!!!!)



and this happen to be quite an eventful wk at the hospital too.

for the first time in my entire life, i saw the resuscitation process occuring while a grp of doctors and nurses rushed around with grim looks on their faces.

and i realised tt perhaps it isnt as easy to control ur own grief as i thot it would be.

the patient passed away. this uncle whom i exchanged a few words with in the morning, who was alive and healthy n well.

they say tt guys make better docs cos they r less emotional. i really dont think so. yet u cant be too emotional as to break down when u encounter this kind of thg. as time goes by, u'd prob wont think abt shedding a tear. if tt day really does come, i'd feel sad for the loss of humanity.



there was another uncle, he broke down telling me abt his wife who passed away two yrs ago due to complications of diabtetes. she couldnt have been older than 50 yrs old. really felt like crying with him then. cos he happens to have a really sad life. wheel-chair bound from an industrial accident in which the company refused to compensate him, and now he has to be hospitalised again.

at times like this, words often fail me. how do u offer comfort? i dont like to say anythg. cos i feel tt anythg i say at a time like this will be so condescending. how do u tell him thgs will get better? can only hold his hand and wait for his tears to dry.