what i really think about love

As I watched my current favourite Korean drama serial, I gushed and go goggle-eyed and all giggly and silly and dreamy (along with my sis and yes my MUM who seems the most besotted with the male lead), I often wonder if all these shows I am addicted to are just that --- nothing more than shows.

I mean, how likely is it for a 30 year old plump and not-so-pretty and an au naturel beauty suppose to make a 27 year old good-looking and successful rich young man fall for her?? Not when there are prettier (including man-made beauties), slimmer, gentler, richer, more demure girls out there.

I can see an evolving trend in the society. In the past, obesity was a real turn-off; those whose BMI tip the scales at more than 19 will gasp in horror, scream with fright and then promptly resolve to shed 5 kilos before they let a piece of meat slips by their mouth.

The new weighty issue is the status of attached vs the unattached.

Believe me when I say that I have absolutely nothing against the attached couples in the world. It makes me happy to see them together, some whose love really shines through makes you look forward to the day when you find a special love like that too. What I can never understand is why it seems to be a taboo to talk about your unattachedness.

Some friends make me feel like a criminal for being single.

Which is totally wrong isn’t it?

Being in love is suppose to be a natural thing, it comes and it goes. You can want it but you definitely cant force it. Some may feel the need to “lets get attached!!!!”. I am not sure why. Maybe cos it seems to say to the whole world that hey, I am lovable! Hey I am likeable! Hey I am wanted and loved! But in all my 22 years as a single, I have yet to feel unloved. Ups and downs in friendships can upset me, erode my good feelings about myself, but help always arrive. People who love me, my parents, my sis, my those few true friends who would never ever leave me. They rally, they support, they cure. But yet, at this point in time, it seems like society is ready for a brand new stigma: that of a single.

I have always marveled at how people meet, converse, fall in love. Simultaneously mind you! That is no mean feat. But how many of these happily-together couples are truly happy together?

I have always wanted to find someone who can love me just the way I am. I thought things were that simple somehow. Then I realized it isn’t. it isn’t just about two of us falling in love. It isn’t about being comfortable and happy with each other. To be practical and cynically put, its about all these and realizing that you can accept everything that comes with the person.

His background. His academic level. His career. His culture. His language. His religion.

So when the time comes for me to take the plunge and try things out, I realize it just isn’t possible. To try means to hope, to hope means heartbreak when things don’t work out. And you realize its better not to start at all. Because one single date may give the wrong idea, and think of all the heartbreak that is going to follow. A lot of people seems to feel that hey, its ok, go on a date, if you don’t like him then just let go. Seems terribly cruel though.

For instance, I know I would never be able to go out with someone who cant understand my language. Not in the he-speaks-latin-i-speak-chinese sense, but in the i-cant-understand-the-words-you-use sense. I don’t see myself as a linguist. My language cannot be more average than I know. But it we cant even communicate without me feeling as if I am embarrassing you by using words you do not know of, I can see no future.

Its better to let it go.

I would choose to say no. then the chance to go on a date, a chance to tell my friends: hey get off my back, I am doing my share of dating. Stop pairing me up with every tom, dick, harry.

I am a happy singleton. I would rather wait than enter a zillion relationships not knowing what it is that I want. I thank my friends who are worried for me (sincerely worried), and I am amused by them when they spout rubbish about me and so-and-so. But I wish that friends who are happily attached would stop making ridiculous pairings. It just puts me off. What’s wrong with being single? I feel like an item being discounted outrageously when you shove me towards this and that person. I do have a right to love, I believe?

And no, much as I love to watch my Korean dramas, I don’t believe they do happen to people like me…