reflections of a extremely stressed m5 student

school is sooooo exhausting.
you can really tell yr 5 has started from the way students rush here and there to see as many patients as they can before they finally run home and start mugging feverishly. everyone is beginning to feel the stress! exams are less than 8 months away and there seems to be endless things to study (for me anyway! what i read leaks out really fast... must check the back of my head for a hole). SIGH! i feel S-T-U-P-I-D. nowhere near ready to start work as a houseman next yr. and there are as always the brilliant students who can ans every single ques! that's it, i am locking myself up at home to study. no more playing! dont wish to fail my final year!

paeds has been fun, the kiddies were really cute as usual! but the 7plus am to at least 6pm days were getting to me. feel like i can sleep for one whole week now. haha

there was a little boy in the wards that day that really left a huge impression on me, ying zhen his name was. he was two years all, and painfully thin for his age. he looks quite ill and malnourished. but yet i can see that his parents really dote on him. the first time i saw him, he was surrounded by medical students and really, he didnt seem cute at all. he was fretful and grouchy and was scrunching up his face.

i went to see him a second time with just one other person. it was then i realise what a sweet little kid he was! although he was weak and probably quite ill (had hepatosplenomegaly), his whole face lights up when he smiles, and your heart really just aches. he still can't talk and can walk a little with some help, so we were really delighted and proud of him when he was able to point out the correct body parts! and when he blew me a kiss (with my prompting of course) i had this sudden urge to protect him. really felt abit teary, cos it was unexpected that he understood and was able to blow me a kiss. its really sad that he was so weak, and the cause of it is still not known. i hope he will be well and healthy. at least he has parents who really love and care for him. its a small comfort i guess.

perhaps its because the paediatricians at nuh are all really smart, but this revision posting made me realise my inadequacy as a final year student. prof daniel goh was a really great tutor! very inspiring! and it was wonderful to watch how he interacts with the little kids! and our tutorial with prof yap really awed us... if we can just be half as good as her!



anyway, my two-week study break starts now. have to finish studying paeds and internal med! my internship starts in two weeks time! ARGHHHHHHHHHH. (i can just imagine myself being scolded by everyone from the nurse to the consultant. sheesh.)

nevermind. harry potter should give me strength. cant wait to dive into the book tmr! YAY!