Unwritten~*

2009-07-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

i am 25 years old and this is a day i feel particularly tired, exhausted jaded and cynical.

it's strange how when u were a kid u just want to grow up really fast and be out there in the real world experiencing the exicitng life of a grownup, only to realise that perhaps it was all just a imaginary picture-perfect life that doesn't exist.

i am sooooooooo tired. of everything.

of going to work.

of not having weekends off.

of meeting nasty ppl in my life.

of being expected to know when i wasn't taught.

of ppl who likes to point fingers.

of ppl who think they are sm smart.

of ppl who mismanage thgs.

of lazy ppl.

of politics.

of not having time to do the thgs i would really love to do.

of not having time to see my friends.

of not having the energy to meet up with my friends when i finally have time to m,eet up with them.

of not being able to have a lie-in on weekend mornings when the whole world is still slumbering.

of not having enough time to bring my parents out.

of not having enough myself time.

of caring for thankless patients.

of ungrateful demanding patients and family who think they have a right to treat us like dirt just cos they think we are earning oodles of money and doing no work.

of feeling unappreciated at work.

of the unequal distribution of work.

of the amount of bitching that goes on and on at the workplace.

of the fact that i am sacrificing my time and health for... remind me what again?

of the fact that we are expected to work inhumane hours if necessary.

of the fact that i don't get enough sleep.

of the people who shout at me for no reason when i make referrals to them.

of losing my love for my work.

2009-04-05T15:14:00.002+08:00

*yawn*
*stretches*

Lazy Sunday afternoon!! wah. i can hardly peel my eyelids apart. *snores*

Can't imagine i haven't felt the need/urge to blog in so many donkey yrs. to think i am now in the LAST mth of housemanship! *gasp* that's such a scary thought!!!!

looking back, the past yr has been full of ups and downs, many experiences i have had would be probably the very ones that would accompany me for the rest of my life.

Housemanship.

You covert it when you are a struggling medical student, panicking in the wee hours of the night trying frantically to get hold of your best friend at the end of the other line, practically begging for words of reassurance as you sweat over The Exams that begin the next day. You slog your guts away, look in awe and envy at your seniors The Houseman who have Passed MBBS *oh how god-like they were!) and wonder if your turn will ever come.

Next come The Results Day, when happiness mingled with a sense of relief and a teeny weeny sense of loss/regret that you are now officially an working adult. Student no more! and of course many of us would look forward to our very first pay-cheque! Hoooray! Just ten more years before we can finish repaying our debts!!! :p

The first day of housemanship will forever remain a blissfully blurry fuzzy kind of picture for me; haha i can't really remember how my working life started. er with some briefings i guess?! maybe some sort of welcome? but truthfully you don't really have the luxury to think; too much pent-up adrenaline and sense of impending doom mixed with a desperately trying-not-to-panick feeling is all that i remembered about my first day of work. Some of us have it good, what with superbly nice baby MOs guiding us along whereas some of us have to make do with the NTS MOs who, to be honest were not the best people to show us the ropes. At the end of the day, after many "scuffles" and secret "i-totally-can't-stand-working-with-you" kind of recurring thoughts, many of us eventually got rid of the demons and surprisingly got along rather well with the NTSes. hehe.

I guess for many of us, the first place we started our HO-ship will always feel like home. :D

I remember the trauma of having to change postings at the end of 4 months. The familiar sense of anxiety, self-doubt! Wondering if you will ever get used to the new system, new people, new kind of patients, newly down-sized paediatric veins that you will have to set plugs in! and of course, dealing with obsessing neurotic and overanxious +++++ parents is never a piece of cake. (many a times you will be called to see patients' PARENTS stat, only to be posed a question: Doctor doctor! my child is crying! HOW!?!?! U learn not to jaw-drop too obviously after awhile. haha) and of course at the back of your mind you always have this niggling feeling you will turn out to be the champion of all neurotic parents when you become a parent yourself.

The third posting is in a way, potentially the most enjoyable of them all. We would all have reached a stage where we are comfortabel doing changes, whining about our lack of rest but yet seasoned enough to clock 40 hours straight at work without a wink a sleep and yet do a decent day's work. Competency comes with time. And i personally feel that it is when you know that you aren't embarassingly inadequate as a HO that you begin to chat more and share more with your MOs and regs... No need to paper-bagged your head that often anymore! ahah.

The impending end of HO-ship is the mark of another chapter, another challenge, another new wave of paper-bagging for us all. And i can't help but feel very sad that i will be turning into a MO, and from then onwards my class of '2008 would be scattered all over Singapore, each pursuing our own desitinies. It is kind of sad to come to realise that no longer will you be seeing familiar faces among your fellow peers, more often than not your fellow MOs will be people you have never seen before, and who may be so caught up in their exam prep that they may not even take a second look at you. HOship has been fun, despite all the horribly long hours of work. You find joy in helping your peers who have so often offered a helping hand when you were drowning in oodles of work. You find joy bitching together about the system, about the infamously horrid bosses, about the low pay, the bitchy secretaries, the horrible food, the nasty patients. haha.

i somehow have this feeling that the houseman yrs would be sorely missed, even though we are phytoplankton turning amoebae. And perhaps being a plankton is more carefree then being an amoebae bah. At least there's always plenty of sympathetic phytoplankton willing to lend their ears for your grouses.

2008-12-20T22:29:00.002+08:00

Didn't actually realise it has been that long since i last blogged.... =)

Just came back from Korea, my first self-funded tour! =D am happy that i am no longer leeching off my parents... and I had the most wonderful time of my life there. Precious memories that I would guard closely forever.

There were many "firsts" for my winter trip to Korea (11-18th December '2008)
- my first traditional korean meal
- my first visits to locations used for the filming of many Korean dramas: Han Na Shan, Coffee Prince, Teddy Bear Museum
- first traditional Korean barbecue - absolutely yummy!
- first contact made with a real live octopus
- had my first snowball fight and the first snowball thrown at me by a Korean
- first real snowman (albeit a minute one carefully crafted by my fellow tourmate)
- first experience on skis (can't brake, had to rely on my "instructors" to catch me as i fly by)
- first time I made kimchi ( i am a-zu-ma!)
- my first time donning a hanbok and acting demure
- my first christmas parade in an amusement park
- the first time i am gutsy enough to initiate a scary ride in the amusement park (poor sister almost had a heart attack hee)

it was also during this trip that I realised with surprising clarity, that I am but young only once. The pragmatist and realist in me has always kept me in check, and I have always remained a cautious and somewhat guarded person where certain aspects are concerned. But now, I am thinking, there's nothing to lose and perhaps everything to gain. It's a gamble, and it's terrifying how vulnerable one feels. But perhaps it's time to follow my heart instead of my mind.

A Bridemaid's Tale

2008-06-08T22:22:00.003+08:00

i have finally gotten a taste of bridesmaid-ing!!!!

haah it's really gd fun! and not to mention it can pay extremely well (a few hrs of work which is FUN earns u abt one wkend call's pay at least woohoo!)

married my cousin off yesterday on saturday... *sniffles* we are all so grown-up now! felt v nostalgic as the photo montage of her life was played out on the big screen during the wedding; it's kind of surreal, seeing urself onscreen as a 2 or 3 yr old and knowing how far you have come since then! and realising how little u remember urself as a little fat thg toddling ard on ur squeaky shoes and looking absolutely hideous except for ur nicely curly hair (which by Sod's law disappears once it becomes hip to have nice wavy hair as a grownup).

was initially worried i couldn't wake up in time to take on my jie mei duties, considering i was post-post call and usually needs 16 hrs of solid slp before i begin to stir. hah but seems like the excitement of being jie mei for the first time in my life is more than the sandman's temptations! but waking up at 4am was no joke. i can't imagine how much earlier i have to wake up when my sister's big day come!!! and in absolutely no mood to prettify myself either at that ungodly and post-post call day. ahah! (i have this wish to destroy the wedding videos so tt i don't have to see myself as this white lump haggling with the brothers)

it was pretty gd fun, ganging up with 4 other jie meis (my sis, my lame cousin, and the bride's two other friends) to guard the door to the bride's hse! though i must say this gang of brothers were really.... ill-prpepared. ha! no coordination, v slow is packing the red pkts smmore! and the poor groom looked so stressed up! he win's the Most Stressed Groom award hands-down man! and i just couldn't bring myself to be too hard on him; u can't be so heartless as to tip the groom over to stress disorder on his big day lah.

my cousin on the other hand was really chill; such a cool bride! have never seen smone as cool and calm as her before; can really tell she is enjoying herself and just being her usual "garang" self! hehe wearing boots with her gown included. whoa! un conventional bride sia! a joy to watch really, since usually brides are all really demure blushing ladies on their big days! and of cos, the bride was really beautiful and radiant!

and i realised how tiring it is being a chinese bride in s'pore; run here run there, need timekeeper, need two thousand changing of gowns, have to wear the "kua"? which weighs a million tonnes (believe me, it really feels tt heavy; i had to carry it), have to have dozens of jewellery pieces hanging on u... tough life man.

it really feels like a girlfriends party, esp when we were being chaffeured around by one of the brothers, interestingly called Ah Long! haha! spent a gd long time teasing him abt his name, and i think he was really intimidated by our constant jabber. but his wife trained him well; smart enough to know not to interject when ladies are talking up a storm!

the wedding had a military march-in; now thats stylish! i think every girl secretly wish to have these well-dressed soldiers (?) crossing their swords as they walked into the banquet hall; looks really nice anyway! and makes the wedding all the more special!

a few impt thgs i learnt this wedding:
1. It's gd to discuss with pranksters how to "torture" the groom; esp if you have plenty of time to "play"!
2. ALWAYS think of what the bride may need --> fan, straw to drink water with wo smudging her lippy, umbrella in case of rain. wet wipes after gown changes when she would feel really sweaty, plasters in case of blisters, panadol, puke-bags and medicated oil for excessive alcoholic loading
3. Bring red packets! Many guests will forget to bring red packets...
4. Jie-meis should consist of really gd and loud hagglers who can bring the mood up! same goes for brothers
5. Always have time-keepers!
6. Befriend more ppl who drives; u need many chaffeurs for jiemeis and brothers tt day
7. At the end of the day, be flexible and change plans accordingly. I the groom is already so stressed up, cut him some slack! You don't want him to remember his wedding day as the most horrible day of his life!

i am addicted to being a jie-mei! Wonder if it's true its unlucky to do it more than thrice!?

2008-06-03T22:52:00.001+08:00

i miss scotland.

if only there's some nice lovely cold weather here with a nice homey fireplace to warm yourself with.

boo.

2008-05-28T21:57:00.002+08:00

i am sick

oh misery

must be the first HO to keel over and take MC

*sigh*

wondered who passed the superbug to me, my mo and my reg. all down w sorethroats!

and then i had the fever chills and rigors

superb

=(

my last wk in my ward! feeling kind of sad already. Just getting used to it and everythg... will miss the ppl and the ward.

seriously don't like myself much these days; too grumpy and perpetually have this wrinkled-up prune-like puckered dont-u-dare-come-and-bother-me-look. like a hedgehog who swallowed a lemon.

ha. sheesh! i think i am developing a bad working attitude. must learn from ganesh and "chill". no matter how much work or s**t that comes flying, i am sure i can finish it! stop being such a worrier and easily stressed up person. i wonder how come i seemed to cope better in my first wk. Becoming sick of crappy thgs that happen i guess!

nooooooo. i must get my usual self back. can't stand living with sour old prune. BAH.

and i got my first pay! and i suddenly feel myself morphing into an extra stingy person. Earning is really not an easy job man. But it does give me alot of satisfaction giving ang pows to my parents! =D heehee. although i must admit there's quite alot of heartache involved too when half your pay is gone. i shall go back to eating grass. or maybe popping D50.

oh nitecall this fri... let's hope i would be well on my way to recovery by then! urgh.

2008-05-23T21:03:00.002+08:00

Wkend is here! YAY. finally... sure took its own sweet time in coming!

been 12 days since i had a day off... lalalallala i really enjoy this free as a bird feeling!

and yes. it has been confirmed. sunday calls are really BAD. my phone didn't stop ringing till 2 am!!!! actually had lunch at 11pm. almost died from hypoglycemia and i think i was scaring all the nurses by being terribly fierce and grouchy. haah but i can't help it! hunger + stress + incessant calls + super many ECGs to review = one grumpy grouch. actually i really feel quite ashamed of my terrible bhvr but really, i was so swamped and sinking rapidly into the quicksand of depression!!! better start doing yoga or taichi of smthg to temper my mood. blah.

and i am really thankful for the ppl who fed me on call. you know, it's like when you are in this deep abyss and smone unexpectedly shows u kindness, u just want to weep (too gan dong).
1. Irene fr 57
- offered hot chocolate and pong bia at 2 plus pm after learning i didnt have lunch!
2. Yee Leng
- my half call MO from my first call who wasn't even my MO tt day! bought sandwiches and shared her green tea w us -> finally i had "lunch" at 11!
3. Nice staff nurse fr 55
- passed me kaya toast along the corridor! must go find out his name

these ppl are really too kind for words. haah and to think i was such a walking terror that day, snapping away at everyone! i really morph into medusa on calls man.

covering a certain wing that deals with certain pts and their relatives really stretched me thin. i was called over urgently as they wanted updates. i was like .......... anyway i went over under duress and was promptly treated to an impromptu shouting match btw two well-meaning siblings right in front of the elderly pt. and that was when i decided even a HO can speak up and tell them straight to pls show respect for their sick mum. *roll eyes* ah well. my poor MO. luckily an urgent call came and we were extricated from tt tricky situation. sigh

but then, it was also the first call that i got to slp! was trying to help yu chin but cldnt take it anymore and tumbled into bed. to my horror i actually had insomnia the first half hr (too much fearful anticipation of when the next call will come!)

it turned out to be a rather gd wk despite such a bad post-call slpy monday.

made peace with a certain smone who was causing me much distress, and now i feel much better. in fact, i am seeing a new side and yes i shld stop my mutinous attitude. maybe i can learn to respect this person after all. hee.

made some new friends this wk! and actually bumped into my old KE pal whom i havent seen for 5 yrs!!!! no wonder i always thought the pharmacist looks familiar! we used to play badminton together in our hall days! wow! and she actually recognises me! haha those were the fun days. i was so lousy but keen on badminton, i think these were the only ppl who can tolerate my crappy badminton skills. muahah =P

i think i will miss my ward when i leave next wk. although i am happy to be able to go back to my beloved SIP ward! and i feel so bad that my mistake caused much trouble and inconvenience to a nurse lor. hai. forgot to add mixtard to the prescription, so pharmacist called and very nicely didnt ask me to reprint for them just to amend it on cpss. which i did but it nv cross my mind to inform my SN. in the end she didn't know the insulin was in the fridge and we sent the pt to nursing home wo insulin! only got to know in the evening! and she had to bring the insulin down to the NH! felt terrible. and she won't accept cab fares! hai. i feel super guilty lah. i must really be more careful next time. =( and she didn't blame or scold me! feel even more guilty.

i hope my gd mood keeps up! doing HO1 calls next! heard it's VERY scary. shucks. haha. alamak. better start practising ABGs on my soft toys. gulp.

It's my life

2008-05-13T22:06:00.004+08:00

As a HO

You may sometimes feel unappreciated
You may feel made used of
You may think that others are claiming credit for your work
You may wonder why there are ppl who are so helpful, and yet there are just as many if not more ppl who would rather spend time telling you what to record than do it themselves
You may feel like the stupidest HO in the world
But you may also feel like you know better than Them
Your patients and their family may love you
But the drunkard next door can shout at you and ask why the hell their chapati is replaced with rice
You would have the occasional urge to kiss the nurses who are so competent and so nice and helpful and have a wonderful humour to boot
And you would have the occasional urge to sew someone's lips together or ask them what the hell they are being paid to do
You would smtimes feel very very very wronged
Especially when thgs are not done not because you are lazy, but because it was just not told to you
You would often wonder why your pay is lower than the McDonald's night shift staff
And why some ppl like the phlebotomist can be rude to you despite your ever polite tone
You may tremble with fear when you make calls to the bigshots regarding blue letters
And be pleasantly surprised when they turn out to be really nice (like the anaesthetist who took over my plug-setting on a difficult patient)
And post-calls, when you have not had sleep for 30 hrs and still have mountains of work undone and no breakfast
You may find yourself tearing after being accused of harassing the MRI staff
This is of course, on a background of not being offered any real help other than "I can help you do the prescriptions"
When you have in fact 8 discharges, two memos, blue letters, calls to consultants to review their patients, bloods to take, MRIs to trace, records to document, and results to trace.
And when the uncle you have gotten used to seeing everyday suddenly passes away
You just have to learn to blink back the tears and face the family as a professional
And at the end of the day
You learn that you are only human
Mistakes are bound to be made
Scoldings are bound to occur
Just take it, chew it, and spit it out
And just go to sleep knowing that
You have at least done your very best.

HO life can really be a trying time. Thank god for my friends.

stark reality

2008-05-11T10:29:00.003+08:00

i am utterly upset over this.

and i can't understand why thgs turn out this way.

my happiness of starting work had over the period of 3 hrs degenerate into "this is just not fair". perhaps working life is just bound to be like this.

after not sleeping for 30 hrs and still being expected to function at the optimal level and have the person not offering to help you in any significant way, i really just couldn't take it and broke down. i really couldn't help it. despite many trips to the room to compose myself.

i know it really looks bad and would make it seem like i can't handle myself. but i can't help it. fatigue, a sense of being made use of, and realisation that not everythg will go smoothly even if u put ur heart in ur work did me in, and of course, the fact that miscommunication can occur just any time. you may just be doing your work, and people can accuse you of harassing them.

that really cut me deep.

i think i just have to come to terms with this. this is the real working life. as ganesh says, i must learn not to take everythg personally. but i guess a fatigued state is just more vulnerable than usual to this kind of rubbish that gets thrown at me.

at least i had a great on-call MO with me who really helped me every single part of the way. Thank you for people like Sanjay and Yee Leng.

salted fish HO

2008-05-07T22:47:00.003+08:00

wheeee!!!!

i think i am adapting. haha i am enjoying my work! i feel like an efficient clerk. teehee.

although i can't say i like the feeling of having a full bladder all the time and being dry as a salted fish, it's really quite fun just having two cubicles to manage!

hmm. though i wonder why i always seem to have endless things to do. bah.

feeling very upbeat today after an unexpected compliment, which made me feel really appreciated for the effort i have made! know these won't happen often... better cherish it while it lasts haha. =) and my days are definitely made easier with nice nurses and brother!!! (i still find it funny to call the nurse manager brother... haah!) and i like my team! hehehe. HOs MOs Assoc Con and Con all nice. yay.

and i am so thankful for nice ENT drs. i had to call the ENT MO like two thousand times for a patient who pulled out the first Frekas tube, and following which there were 2 unsuccessful reinsertions as the tube doubled back up the hypopharynx. but dr tan k s was really nice abt it! i was half-expecting a scolding lor. but he still readily agreed to reinsert it though he was going to be in OT for whole day! people like this really makes my day. =D

and of cos, i got "reprimanded" today for calling the blue letter registrar too late. sigh. but anyway i would have gotten into trouble if i don't know the case well enough before i called, so it's a lose-lose situation. just have to get used to this!

friday call! really really hope for gd call luck! pls pls pls *prays*

Lowest Paid Dregs of the Hospital Pond

2008-05-06T22:48:00.001+08:00

I am finally a house-officer! YAY!

No longer stuck in the stay-in-wards-till-6-go-home-still-mz-mug mode.

Welcome to the round-at-0730-latest-go-home-by-8-hopefully-and-maybe-will-have-time-to-eat-lunch-go-toilet-drink-water HOship!

Frankly speaking, it’s the 5th official day of work and I am EXHAUSTED. But in a sadistic kind of way, I am kind of enjoying my work. There’s really a kind of a home-coming feeling going back to work where I used to do SIP! Although it really is very different from the internship days when I just happily trail Liqi and pretend to look very indispensable grabbing files and filling out neuro forms hah. =P

I can’t really think of a reason why I feel like I have heaps to do! I can’t wait for SIPs to come in *rubs hands in evil glee* but then, I also dread losing face in front of them. I can just imagine…

“Dr Dr! Please ink up some fleet enema for patient!”

“Eh? Er how to write ah…” --- spastic reply.

Oh well. Can’t be bothered lah! I can only tell myself this is the year to learn! Nevermind if I seem stupid and foolish, just remain upbeat! And hope I don’t get so severely scolded by year end that I end up in ward 12. hah!

At least I have nice colleagues! The nurses, ward clerk and the med team are all pretty nice. Imagine working with someone you can’t stand… gosh. I may explode from all the unspoken words!

I finally understand why people spend so much effort making lists of their patients. There’s something really satisfying about knowing your patients well, and really, it does them a whole world of good! And it makes doing discharge summaries so much faster and easier. Oh no. I am showing signs of workaholism. I need time to go speed-dating one lor. *grumbles*

OK. THAT’S IT!
Some idiot banged my car and ran away!!!! O^##$%(^&%(#^q#$%#$&*#^q DON’T LET ME FIND OUT WHO U ARE. UI$#&*(^()$^#Q^$)&#^$*&#^Q$&*)Q#^$)Q I hope u have nightmares tonight!!!!!! GRRR.

Post-grad trip to Japan!

2008-04-17T00:44:00.002+08:00

Japan! Land of the Rising Sun!!!

Such a lovely place! let me count the ways why i love thee:

1) Japanese are extremely polite and they bow ever so often!
2) Their lovely lovely toilets!!! Seat warmers prevent you from getting a shock in cold wintry weather! And bidets to wash your bottoms! You can even adjust the water pressure! My mum was in heaven lor. I think she secretly wanted to steal one toilet home!
3) An-pans! omg. I would never want to eat a local red bean bao again. mmmmmmmmmm yummy!!
4) Superb packaging to tempt susceptible beings like me. It's dangerous to bring too much yen with you to Japan!
5) Tempura: after 7 days x 2 meals a day of tempura, I don't wish to see it for the next 6 months though.
6) Lovely souvenirs!!! But of course they cost an arm and a leg. haha
7) Chocolates!!! oh man. sinful.
8) Scenery!!! Japanese are really a lucky bunch.
9) They are so considerate! Each washroom has got places for mummies to change diapers, nice dressing tables for you to powder your nose, and seats for babies to sit on while they mums toilet!
10) They are so clean! Toilet seat covers and special toilet seat detergent available to clean!
11) I love their kimonos!
12) I love thier ramen!
13) I love their desserts!
14) I love their prettily-arranged Japanese dishes!
15) I love their samurai and ninjas!
16) I love the weather!!! Nice and cool and sometimes freezing!
17) Sakura! Lalalalala.
18) Tatami-styled hotels are really cute. Even if it kills my back to sleep on futons. haha
19) Their hotels are absolutely well-equipped. The Japanese are naturally thoughtful!
20) And of course there are a few Japanese who can give takuya kimura a run for his money. hee.
21) My tourguide is simply marvellous!!! Hahha cute oldish man.
22) I love my tourmates! They are so very nice!!!

Oh. I miss Japan already.

2008-04-17T00:41:00.001+08:00

MBBS is over!!!!

Never had a year passed that quickly! It was almost as if Time was sadistically laughing at us as we tried desperately to hold on to it, delay it. And never had the days been filled with so much stress, sweat, anxiety, loss of appetite (but alas! No LOW!!!), mood swings and numerous flashbacks of medical school.

I still remember the dilemma I had, should I even apply for medical school? I did not have a particular aptitude for the sciences, although biology is fascinating and doctoring really sounds like a potentially wei da occupation. After much deliberation I finally decided to just see where fate leads me.

Year 1 of medical school saw two crazy girls trying hard to adjust to medical school (unfathomable physiology, irritating drive-me-nuts biochemistry and mind-boggling anatomy!) while undergoing intensive training as aspiring bug-catchers of KE hall. Haha those were the days! It was pretty fun and definitely a joy to have xtine with me that first “blur-m1” years! I miss running down the corridors with her actually. And popping into peiya’s room to talk nonsense and just laugh the hours away! Not to mention listening to alex’s stories of his Europe trip and “slogging” away to prepare for hall play. Hee. And oh yes the number of hours we spent in the library with mugging gang (how unglam!)!!! to think I wasted my youth mugging weeks and weeks away! *grumble* haha still rem wes the MOB hiding under the table to escape from _____!

Year 2 seems like a blur. I only remember having library-phobia!!!

Year 3 was the start of the end of our MBBS journey. CSFC was scary. So much to learn and we were all tired out from being in the wards all day long! And alex was kind enough to stay back at night to teach us how to clerk patients! Haha. We were really scared we were going to flunk csfc. And of course that was the time when I had my chronic joint pain and everything else. Not an easy year. It was probably one of the toughest year in my life! A lot of things to come to terms with, had to fight exhaustion from hobbling around on one leg, and friendship bumps that needed some ironing out. But that was also the year we had so much fun playing LAN! Yayay starwars battlefield!!! *snipes* my LAN mates! Ahah. They rock! (except philey who always kill us off seconds after CS starts)

Year 4 was when I realized I was being a half-hearted student. Many things happened in the last few weeks of year 3 that changed my perspective on life forever. In retrospect, things really do happen for a reason. And I am thankful that I survived the ordeal and learned to cherish my family and friends more than ever before. And to take my studies seriously! It’s never easy growing up, such a painful self-discovering process!

Year 5. how do I even begin to remember this seemingly short year? It was really a time filled with fear; emotions running high, many of us felt that we would never be able to do it. Friends huddle together trying to counsel each other and amidst tears, countless motivational speeches and panic calls in the middle of the night, we pulled through. We did it guys!!!! YAY! It was really a nostalgic year, as we see the juniors from m1 to m4 happily smiling and laughing , many a times we just wanted to smack them or something (out of pure envy and jealousy that there are actually things for them to be happy about. Haha!). oh well. Lucky we didn’t act on our impulse. Hee. SIP were memorable times! And really good fun cos we had really nice seniors! Haha and who can forget chaoka team with its memorable paraphernalia and distinctive smell!? And I am really grateful for my CG. My small CG xtine and wes, and Esther n Eugene whom we met again! And of cos the 3 stooges heehee. Not forgetting the hours we spent typing WLMJ (gosh I actually learnt new things about Microsoft word and I can now type with 4 fingers instead of 2!! Ahah). Thanks guys, for all the support and encouragement!

The exams itself was terrible. And because it was such a long stretch, most of us were out of steam by the end of 1st week! And henceforth settled into a zombiefied i-just-can’t-study-anymore mode. It was really exhausting!!! I almost had an addisonian crisis the day before surgical clinicals start!!! Whew.

It has finally came to an end. Mixed feelings of anticipation, excitement, immense relief, joyousness, impending doom! Ahha. Gosh how am I going to survive my nightcalls. Yay! Luckily ahma and wes are doing the same posting! Got people to help me set plugs le wheeee!

A new chapter has begun. =)

2008-01-13T00:40:00.000+08:00

officially the big 24!!!
ancient, really.
time to secure my permanent space in the museum!

it's surprising how many old friends from the good old days still bother to wish me happy bdae, and it's really very very sweet of them. =) and to think we havent met up in eons! such is the wonder of friendship, these guys really make my day.

and not forgetting the new friends who sent their wishes too! and the sweet little girls who refused my request for a bdae song... =P hee. and yes, the one bdae greeting that really really made my day!

i guess all these ppl make turning a year older more bearable.

not forgetting my wonderful family... what i would have been without them. poor daddy mummy and jiejie, having to put up with me during this turbulent pre-mbbs period. hahah. i owe them so very much lor. these are my pillars of support!!!!

happie 24, to me =D

turning 24

2008-01-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

26 minutes more to The Day...

so surreal, i can't believe i am turning 24!!! it sounds so very OLD. haha
*count white hairs*

funny how birthdays become less and less of an important event when u age. i still remember those days when birthdays are such a huge part of my life, and not celebrating it seems like a huge waste!!!

maybe it's different when u become old and weary and trying to pass exams. gah.

not really in the mood to celebrate, but well i am still going to be rather excited that it's 24 years since the day i was born! to think i used to be such a cute little tiny bundle... my my how i have grown! hiak =P

23rd year has been a fruitful, memorable one. ups and downs, and many lessons learnt. i am thankful that i still have my good friends around, my family around, my health, my sanity (what's left of it anyway!)

i feel so old and grown up and wise. *strokes beard* haha

ah well.

had a pretty gd last dinner as a 23 yr old with xtine wes esther n eugene. hehe these ppl are really lousy actors! but i am ever so touched and grateful for their well-wishes! and i felt like a normal person (havent felt so in a looooong time) and not like a countdown-to-mbbs muggertoad as we dug up old jokes to laugh about and yes we gossiped and erhmmm share sentiments abt others. havent laughed like that for a long long time! it feels really good. =D

i hope i dont emerge from mbbs only to realise i have morphed into some shrivelled old prune with no sense of humour. as it is, i am as tense as a rubber band these days!!!

oh sanity, stay with me.

happie 24th!!! i hope it's a gd year ahead.... =D

and oh yes, i resolve not to daydream, to know where i stand, and not hope for the impossible!!!! it's time to learn.

2007-12-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

Merry Merry Xmas!!!
Even if i did got a visit from the Flu Bug... haha

Jz heard news that me cousin is getting married next yr! And i am invited to be part of the Famous Boisterous Jie Mei Tuan!

YESSS!!

haha i have never been part of a jie mei tuan before, this should be a really exciting experience! yahoo! poor bridegroom though. *rubs hands in evil glee* WAHAHAHAH =P

ah well, though mum really brought up a gd pt that i cant really stay in the sun. hmm. but i don't see why this tiny glitch should spoil a memorable day marrying my cousin away! teehee.

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah

2007-12-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

yahoo! i am in a xmassy mood!

shootz. this is not gd.

i must drill it into my thick skull tt MBBS is like what 80 days away?!?! ARGH! tt looks scary in print!!!!

haiyo.

lets see.

i only have to finish up med start on AND complete paeds, general surg, orthopaedics, psychomed, O&G.

right.

*denial*

help!

my brain is in such a desperate need to find a distraction that i have begun to notice the weirdest thgs. like how raindrops falling on the windscreen form pretty foot-like patterns...

i shall start talking to myself real soon.

2007-12-09T19:23:00.000+08:00

蒲公英的约定 周杰伦

小学篱芭旁的蒲公英　

是记忆里有味道的风景

午睡操场传来蝉的声音　

多少年后也还是很好听

将愿望折纸飞机寄成信　

因为我们等不到那流星

认真投决定命运的硬币　

却不知道到底能去哪里

一起长大的约定　

那样清晰　

打过勾的我相信

说好要一起旅行　

是你如今　

唯一坚持的任性

在走廊上罚站打手心　

我们却注意窗边的蜻蜓

我去到哪里你都跟很紧　

很多的梦在等待着进行

一起长大的约定　

那样清晰　

打过勾的我相信

说好要一起旅行　

是你如今　

唯一坚持的任性

一起长大的约定　

那样真心　

与你聊不完的曾经

而我已经分不清　

你是友情还是错过的爱情

in a rut

2007-12-08T15:48:00.000+08:00

i am so bored
i am so bored
i am so bored
i am so bored
i am so bored
i am so bored

i hate comp
i hate comp
i hate comp
i hate comp

i hate typing
i hate typing
i hate typing
i hate typing

i dunwan to make notes
i dunwan to make notes

i want to burn my books, hop onto a plane and run away!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Surg SIP: after-thoughts

2007-11-25T13:15:00.000+08:00

Surgical SIP is finally over. Though in retrospect, the four weeks really flew by! It seems like a much shorter time than med SIP. But then, being so busy sure helps time to grow wings lah.

I have SIP withdrawal syndrome again. haha! shucks. It's quite sian to return to labcoat life! Although part of me is relieved to have time to study properly now, part of me is dreading the Big Day that is looming ever so close! Urgh. And my Leaky Brain has yet to be patched!

And I do miss working with my HOs, I guess the plus point of being in such a terribly busy team means that you sympathise with each other more and try to help each other more! Good for bonding, although this can backfire depending on the individuals involved. haah =P and my HOs were really nice lah, it's a joy working with them! Imagine if you have nasty co-workers you can't stand... I would probably ditch them and run away! Wei Da is always very apologetic about asking us to do things (although towards the end we were thrown unceremoniously to debride paitents while they continue rounding the 36 patients on our ballooning list)! And he always like to scold da bian, it's his favourite word lor. hee. and he will dole out his own supply of multivits for us to take (which for some reason are humongous pills). and for smone from a certain sec sch not well-known for being gentlemanly, he does prove the stereotypical view wrong. heehee. and he developed delusions of grandeur towards the end, he thinks I am his ya-huan. And I heard from another SIP he ordered her to get him tissue. Tsktsk. IMH pls.

and to think I actually achieved 100% success rate setting plugs and taking bloods on my last night call! *beams* (though the feat was never repeated again on the following days hiak) ah well, we can't have it all!

I kind of miss the hideous vascular bag which me and xtine take turns to carry on our rounds. And it probably has been replaced by a more posh-looking stern black laptop bag. (i think our consultanst were too ashamed to be seen with us when we carried the yellow ah-ma bag! hah) but yar lah, it is kind of weird for a vascular bag to have the words Zespri Kiwifruit on it.

And I do miss some of the patients. Hope Mdm KCL cheers up soon! It's so sad to see her so depressed. We have gotten so used to beaming at her in the hope of teasing a smile out of her. Ah well at least Mr Baa Baa has came out of isolation! On our very last day too! He looks so much cheerier and happier. =D

And our team drs are actually quite nice, we felt kind of bad when they were so effusive in thanking us for all our help! (basically we don't really do alot although we stay late!) we only do odd jobs one. sort of like robots. haha. But it felt nice to be made to feel we really made a difference. =P and Ms Chng treated us to dim sum at Imperial Treasure! The custard buns were heavenly. So good. mmmmm. *salivates*

Our last day was as usual crazily busy, but at least we all went out for a "farewell" dinner! There were so many debridements we all got to do one or two that day! It's like a parting gift to us haah. And I think i am overenthusiastic about debriding. I heard both my patients didn't stop bleeding for awhile after. Oops. *sheepish* I think i didn't really tie the dressing towel tight enough. gah.

We presented our HOs with a resus bag on our last day! These included redbull drinks for the extra spurt of energy, a rum bacardi to celebrate their impending end of this busy posting, and snacks to tide them through! (we all almost died when we ate lunch at 7plus on our last wednesday) ha and as a joke these were placed in a bag identical to the vascular bag. Sure hope they survive this coming last week! I sincerely believe all those who belonged to this team should go for an OGD at the end to check for gastric/duodenal ulcers. High possibility of it.

Time to revert to my life of normal meal-times and more decent waking hrs and more mugging time. Despite this, I will miss my four weeks in SIP. =P

2007-11-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

Third week of SIP!!!

It's almost over. Even though it has been bone-breakingly tiring and gastric ulcer-inducing, I would miss my SIP days.

There's something about working extremely hard as a team that makes you feel united! (Common goals include time for lunch and leave hospital before 8!) And I really feel very lucky to have met nice HOs for all my SIPs... heh even though my current HO Wei Da IS kind of evil. (he keeps insisting I like to zhao fan just because I banged the table at him once... xiao qi gui). Keep calling me Queen, makes me feel like a rebel who wants to dethrone the real Queen!!! Aiyo.

To think I stayed for the entire Sunday call to help him because he was falling sick. Alas. We house-elves are under-appreciated lor. But at least I was well-fed, we actually went out for lunch! (although it was an eating place just outside the confines of the hospital, it still counts lah. so exciting lor, had not been able to get out of the confines of houseman canteen for two whole weeks!) And then my HO accused me of trying to poison him with shrimp-paste chicken... (we ended up gobbling down 5 chicken wings/drumsticks EACH. and Wei Da almost lost his voice again haha) I never want to see another fried chicken wing again. I may puke.

This has actually been quite a good week. We actually managed to go out for lunch on xtine's bdae!!! and shun bian celebrate wes's bdae too. The staff at Crystal Jade in Great World City is really impressive!!! They were so nice! Must give them top marks for their willingness to go out of their way to help us! Usually restaurant staff aren't that happy when you want to sing a birthday song with a cake you bought from somewhere else, but the staff were really the kind who deserve GEMS awards! And our HOs treated us again. I feel like a leech.

And our consultant brought us all out for a meal today! Excursion! We went to Holiday Inn and ate dimsum for lunch. Yumyum. The charsiew puff, har gow and chilli were really good.

No wonder I am gaining weight despite the many missed meals. *shakes head*

It seems like many of our patients are ganging up to give us heart attacks by developing chest pain with subsequent diagnoses of AMI made. Hai. I have lost count of how many of them actually needed cardiac referrals. sigh. And it's so sad when patients deteriorate while hospitalised! I think there's something about hospitals which makes one more ill if you stay too long. Like Mr Baa Baa Black Sheep, i recall the days when he was a smiley friendly man. Nowadays he just look so weak and unhappy. Haven't seen his smile for so may days. =( And Mdm KCL, we all thought she was getting better! And she seemed less depressed too, always smiling back at us when we beamed at her. Hai but she is feeling upset again as her leg isn't healing well. I can understand how she feels. I would never be as brave when faced with the prospect of am amputation. And she is still so young!

I hope i never develop any weird conditions when I age. It's terrible to see the multiple problems that paitents already have and the new problems that crop up as the days go by.

Oh can't think straight anymore. Time to repay sleep debt.

zzzzz

house-elfery

2007-11-10T23:54:00.000+08:00

Bah. It's Sunday! And i am on-call!!!!! AGAIN!!!

Why do my HOs have all their calls on sunday...

House-elves need holidays! (hermione! where r u!)

Ok lah, actually i shldn't grumble, this has not been too bad a week. Considering our team didn't have that many changes and there was Deepavali in the middle of the week (which we only had to be around for half a day), it was practically holiday season compared to last week! And of course, not forgetting we had an honorary house-elf with us!!! (yay thx grandboss!) and we actually went home before the sky turned dark on friday! FWAH. Xtine and I were ecstatic when we saw the almost-but-not-yet-dark skies!

and our HOs treated us to a meal! haah we felt bad, really. Firstly because we haven't exactly done much for the new HOs, and secondly because we ditched our old HO on the day he needed us the most--- his birthday! I think this is his way of trying to drown us in guilt! Oops. Nah, i shan;t feel bad, considering the changes for his current team is almost non-existent and he can afford to go out and eat AND take naps!!!! *jealous*

i personally feel that i am developing Mushy Brains. i can feel my system shutting down during ward rounds... can't think. can't remember, and i am bradykinesic too. A sure sign of aging. And I guess the group dynamics is just not the same as before, we do miss our old MO who would always make us feel like we are extremely useful. (actually we aren't, but it sure feels nice to be appreciated!) and it's always nice to have another friendly face in the team.

two more weeks to go, hopefully we can have lunch at normal hours this week! and not at 6pm!

*wish and wish*

2007-11-06T21:32:00.000+08:00

i need a magic potion to keep me awake enough to study when i get home post-SIP. somehow my natural instinct of sleeping on my desk kicks in within 15minutes of sitting down to mug.

BAH.

i wished i am working already, then i wouldn't have to live in constant countdown mode!!! eugh.

the new hos are desperately trying to adjust i think. whereas we the SIPers are finding ourselves losing the energy. (wei lao xian suai) haha oops. but it seems like we are having a relatively easy week, yet we are still going home rather late... =( Grandboss is very nice though, keep helping us to do changes! (it's like having an invisible house-elf who runs around to keep things running like that! magic!) he must be suffering from maladjustment (suddenly so free)!

i want to go out and play. =(

Surgical SIP

2007-11-03T00:15:00.000+08:00

it has been a really indescribable week.

Surgical SIP has started, and lo and behold!!! i am one of the "lucky" ones to join the infamous vascular surg team!!!

my heart really sank like a stone when i knew about it. though of course i was prepared mentally to accept the cold hard truth, a part of me still wished and wished that somehow i would end up in another team.

But alas, it was not meant to be.

the hours are horrendously long, i think my entire system is in shock. my bodyclock is haywired and panicking away! imagine, we have to reach SGH at 6am to start rounds and usually go home at around 8.30pm. OMG. That means waking up at 5am!!!

i remembered the first day i woke up at that unearthly hour:
i developed an ataxic gait. couldn't walk straight the moment i got out of bed.
and the ataxia felt so REAL, i was really scared witless! i was falling right and left and having to hold on to the walls to make my way to the loo! and as i pondered upon my state of health as i sat on the toilet, i checked to see if i had dysdiadochokinesia. whew. negative.

so began my first brush with the syndrome Early Morning Ataxia.

oh well.

Despite the terrible hours, i must say i had a relatively enjoyable week. It was pretty fun working alongside familiar ppl (xtine n wes were in the same team), and my HO was really nice! yippee! i guess i am lucky despite my bad luck. hah! and so i befriended my boss's Boss, who happened to be xtine's "angel" in JC!

heehee. Sui An is so funny, i shall not embarass him by stating his erhmm mid-day habit. But it did provide a constant source of amusement to the three of us (we v bad lor, laugh at our ho! aha). Our other HO Shang Yee was on MC for 2 days! Poor girl. Was having so much GERD that one day out of the blue, the older drs in the team sprang a gigantic surprise on her and sent her to do an OGD without any prior notice! so scary!!! i would have freaked out i think. But it was lucky that she went, since there really was an ulcer sitting comfortably in the esophagus. nasty.
(and i proceeded to rack my brains to see how i can possibly get an ulcer too so that i can become slim like SY).

Ward rounds with the team is like a whirlwind. i can feel my hypertrophied calf muscles already. Imagine running around in heels! I have actually become quite adept at that! Due to the fact that my flat shoes were all killers, i can only wear my old comfortable heels. And there were days when I really felt like kicking them off and going barefoot! My toes are now in the good company of many calluses who are happily colonising my feet. URGH.

And the nurses in my ward think i am a thief. haha. the famed santa claus bag that liqi often mentioned has gone missing by the time we started out SIP. In order to keep the royal family happy during ward rounds, i took a totally ugly and unglam reusable bag from home to replace the santa claus bag. on the day i brought it with me, i happily went into the prep room to stock up.

*starts flinging dressing towels, gloves and normal saline into my bag*

a staff nurse came in with a suspicious look and said: excuse me, what are you doing?

i launched into a lengthy explanation about the need for a santa bag, but i think i have a thieving look, because she looked even more suspicious.

"You no need gloves one you know, it's outside every cubicle!"

It's hard to explain to them the expectations of royalty. alas.

by the time i emerged from the prep room, the nurses were huddled together, probably whispering about the bold thieving medical student who is probably stealing towels to use in her own house. HAIYO.

and from then on, i have to endure jibes about my less-than glam bag, otherwise known as the auntie bag. and yes, my lovely team-mates xtine and sui an love to discuss about whether i shop more at ntuc or shop-&-save. *roll eyes* tsk!

HOs are changing rotations next week, what a scary thought! With our MOs having been around for less than a week, we SIPs have become the "oldest" juniors in the team! shucks. so stressful! shall miss the old team very much.

let's see how many more 6am days i can tolerate.... *breathes in deeply*

call on sunday. argh.

Remembrance

2007-10-27T14:15:00.000+08:00

It was with shock that i read the news that a junior of mine just passed away from cancer.

I remembered him fondly as one of the juniors i had truly taken to, had liked him for his "real-ness", his unpretentious-ness, his easy-going nature, his cute chubby yet extremely likeable face. In council, there are always the nominal hip-cool-funky crowd who loves attention, and the real "background" workers who did their job in all earnestness and are contented to stay out of the limelight. He strikes me as just this kind of person.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I was extremely close to him, and indeed, I have not seen my juniors for the greater part of 5 years since graduating from JC. But it just seems like yesterday when I stood outside the council room, laughing, joking and biding him goodbye. I never did know that would be the last I may ever see of him again.

I cannot even begin to imagine what he must have gone through, and the grief his family must be dealing with now.

We live our lives in such a way that death seems a very far and abstract, even alien notion. True, I have had my loved ones passing on before, but yet this had always been associated with old age and a well-spent life. To think of someone younger than me passing on, at this age of 22, is shocking and unacceptable. Especially when he was someone I knew, liked, respected.

I would remember you always, David. Be at peace.

reality

2007-10-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

i can't believe its less than 5 months to MBBS!

where has all the time gone?

i don't feel ready at all. not one single bit.

i can't imagine how i am supposed to cram general med, paeds med, misc med (ten thousands of these), gen surg, ortho surg, obs and gynae blah blah blah into these few months.

*headache*

hai.

as i wonder around in the hospitals these days, i am sometimes overcome by this huge urge to grab my unsuspecting juniors (whom i do not know) and tell them to study hard. don't feel lost and exhausted like i did in year 3 and not study as hard as i should have.

ahhhh regrets. too late for that!

i am so going to lock myself up at home and mug. my social calendar should read like this: celebrations for bestest friends, xmas, my birthday, chinese new year. hmm which means i should have about 5 days off until my exams.

and time to find a surgeon to stitch up the holes on my brain. it's leaking terribly.

ortho revision posting is over, but why do i feel as though i know less than 10% of what i am supposed to know??? Luckily i had the most wonderful and inspirational tutor, else i may not even feel like studying for ortho. i think doing ortho posting at the prev hospital has killed ALL my interest in ortho. dr gabriel liu has managed to revive some of my interest (no mean feat. my lack of interest was so ingrained). i realised having a nice pro-teaching tutor really makes a whole world of difference. i should work hard.

time for my date with apley.

star awards

2007-10-06T00:14:00.000+08:00

i didn't realise i miss acting so much.

was roped in to be a small fry in the video segment of the annual m1 to m5 playhouse competition, and boy did it turn out to be a uproariously fun assignment!

i was Medical Student Two, and my fellow meddies were xtine and wes. it's really great to act alongside people you have known for a long time and is familiar with, and even more fun when like-minded people with the same weird sense of humour get together! i absolutely love the spontaneity with which we improvised on our "exam-fevered" crazed med students look!

xtine: had a haircomb artistically stuck into her hair, held down with a pin which altogether created a very nerdy don't-know-what-i-am-doing-to-my-hair-and-i-don't-care-anyway effect! the stylist is soooooo very creative! *takes a deep bow* heh

wes: messed up his own gelled hair with much help fr xtine, and stuck a syringe behind his ear. looks like a more tame version of the crazed meddies

me: scrunched up my hair messily and tied a measuring tape around my head! (on retrospect i wonder how dirty the tape is.... eeeeeuuuuuugh did its owner wash it and sterilise it after measuring patient's leg length!?!? argh. i don't particularly wish for a pimple galore!)

and then we proceeded to complete our crazed looks with multiple contraptions hung all over us (prooctoscope, PR gel, gloves, goniometer, tendon tapper, stethescope, measuring tapes, tuning forks.... you name it we have it!)

the most fun came when we tackled an unsuspecting passer-by (played by weeming), lassoed him (wheeee!) and proceeded to perform all sorts of unethical and unspeakable actions on him...
haha it think wee ming must have been really scared witless when we whipped out the proctoscope and forced him into a left lateral position!!! teehee.

although filming took almost 4 hours despite the short scenes we had, it was probably something i would look back on with much fondness. our last playhouse! and we shall no longer be part of the competition next year... the years do pass v fast indeed.

2007-09-22T00:40:00.000+08:00

S.H.E: 触电

风走在我们前面　甩裙摆画着圆圈花美得兴高采烈　那香味有点阴险
你在我旁边的旁边　但影子却肩碰肩
偷看一眼　你的唇边是不是也有笑意明显
明明是昨天的事情　怎么今天我还在经历
一丁点回忆都能惊天又动地
想问个愚蠢问题　我们再这样下去你猜会走到哪里

但请你不要太快揭开还沉默的情话
先让我多着急一下再终于等到解答
太容易的爱故事就不耐人回味啦
像这样触电　就够我快乐熔化
我们就耐心培养萌芽不要急着开花反正有长长的日记等我们去填满它
在被全世界发现以前先愉快装傻就这样触电　一直甜蜜触电　直到爆炸

像一年四个季节　都被你变成夏天我才会在你面前　总是被晒红了脸
像一百万个秋千　在我心里面叛变被你指尖　碰到指尖　我瞬间就被荡到天边
明明是昨天的事情　怎么今天我还在经历一丁点回忆都能惊天又动地
想问个愚蠢问题　我们再这样下去你猜会走到哪里

但请你不要太快揭开还沉默的情话
先让我多着急一下再终于等到解答
太容易的爱故事就不耐人回味啦像这样触电　就够我快乐熔化
我们就耐心培养萌芽不要急着开花
反正有长长的日记等我们去填满它
在被全世界发现以前先愉快装傻就这样触电　一直甜蜜触电　直到爆炸

但请你不要太快揭开还沉默的情话先让我多着急一下再终于等到解答
太容易的爱故事就不耐人回味啦像这样触电　就够我快乐熔化
我们就耐心培养萌芽不要急着开花反正有长长的日记等我们去填满它
在被全世界发现以前先愉快装傻就这样触电　一直甜蜜触电　直到爆炸
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dead-beat

2007-09-21T23:15:00.000+08:00

i am having the sniffles.

doing Infectious Disease posting now, hope i don't get any funny bug that decide to leech on to me! but i have localised the bug spewer, must be xtine! better stay one foot away from this girl. ha.

ooo gemisya are you syahida?!!? hello! ha =P

this has been a rather crazy week, i wasn't mentally prepared for ID to be a fierce kind of posting, i was happily imagining myself sauntering home at 2pm everyday, imagining a life of napping and tv shows. boy was i in for a shock! perhaps all these wonderful illusions were fueled by seniors' reassurances that ID was "nothing to do one, very slack, can go home and study! don't go for clinics not useful one!". *gloom* in the end, the ID tutors have caught on to the fact that there were virtually no med students around. we are now despatched to separate hospitals and allocated personal tutors each AND given a log sheet for tutors to sign just so to ensure we do not perform our favourite magic act (disapparation). sigh!!!

ok but don't get me wrong. i really love my ID posting thus far. SGH ID tutors are fantastically wonderful people! well, at least two of them definitely are! my tutors dr kang meiling and dr tan thaun tong were such enthusiastic people! it's rather rare to see tutors who want to give us tutorials everyday and in fact, engage in little "time tussles" between the two of them to see who we should follow first. hah! aw. my group felt very loved. hah! and the teachings were good too! we learnt alot about internal med, not just ID alone. and it was more of an approach-based teaching, so it really got our rusty brains working. the rusting process has been temporarily halted. however, much as i love my ID tutors, i can't see myself as an ID physician. barely a week has passed and i am developing serious itch! reminds me of derm posting! i think i have a psychological aversion and paranoia of germs.

i realised there are many people who have retroviral infections who are just among us. it may be the uncle/auntie you sat with on the bus, the canteen vendor, your neighbour... it suddenly hit me that it's really not a disease that's endemic only on the other side of earth. hmm. i do pity them, it's really a "death sentence". and somehow the disease is so stigmatized i believe public consensus would be to adopt a disdainful attitude towards these people. however, there are people who are just unlucky lah. not all infections are associated with promiscuity after all...

i can never remember the different bugs antibiotics cover. seriously it's so confusing. i wish there was a wonder pill that eliminates everything and that no bug is resistant to! argh.

i am suffering from severe sleep deficit.
early in the week just as i was trying to get over the shock that ID is not a slack posting, my dad developed an irregularly irregular heartbeat which really scared me witless. it's terrible! and my mind just blanked out there and there. it's really not a feeling i care to experience again. and you know the thing about parents is, they really do behave like kids sometimes. no amount of cajoling or scolding of gentle persuasion could convince my dad to go to A&E. i was really frustrated by then. and furthermore he was spiking a fever and had a warm erythematous knee joint! haiyo. it was only when i threaten a cold war did he accede.

sometimes i wish my sis was around more. i feel the stress of trying to make sure everyone is healthy and happy. =( being a kid was so much easier.

2007-09-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

reality check!

i am officially the microbe again. a labcoat-wearing microbe. sigh. shucks.

i have develop Labcoat Aversion, a serious case of it. i can't even remember where i chucked it. it's probably happily growing some mould from ?8 weeks of disuse. CDC here i come!!! (so ulu, probably no food to eat!)

finally went out with the girls today... basically we just planted ourselves in menotti and started talking non-stop. and how exciting! ml is actually going to saudi arabia for 2 weeks! for some work-related thing. she has to go arab street and buy some exotic head-dress that the arab women wear (the black thing that covers you from head to toe, leaving only the eyes) wah. i didn't know it's so strict! i heard women are not allowed to walk alone without a male companion, and if they do get raped when they venture out alone, it's considered their fault. what?!?!

ok culture shock. hope ml takes gd care of herself! so scary. but quite exciting to go to such a different country! wah we are all growing up fast. felt it especially when i look at my friends, see how grown-up their dressing is, and when ml actually bought a suave-looking well-tailored pant-suit. *nostalgic*

time for anti-ageing creams.

decadence

2007-09-16T00:26:00.000+08:00

yippee paeds osces are over! *do a little jig* muahah

the two weeks of "study break" sure flies by. and i fell sick a total of three times: sorethroat -> diarrhoea -> really bad flu. hmmm that must be a new record for me! maybe i should go check my T and B cells levels... ahah. ohh thanks EN i think we are all recovering! ahah but i have this sinking feeling i am barely holding the flu bug at bay... sigh. darn!

went to brewerkz for lunch today with the mugging gang... havent hang out with them in a long time! there's a nostalgic sense of familiarity... i guess you don't really realise how much you miss people and their little idiosyncrasies until you see them again. shared a pepperoni calzone with cris (my first ever calzone!!!! it looks so cute! like a giant curry puff!) wow can you imagine, me the fusspot eating something new for a change... i have decided to stop being so boring-safe-fussy, and try new things slowly. start with the normal-sounding ones first. heh. just dont ask em to eat sashimi. or snake. or brinjal. or rabbit. or deer. or... ok you get the point.

a conversation with greggie left me feeling rather disturbed! he was telling me that the percentage of guys who frequent geylang for you-know-what is more than i think. His estimate was a 20%. WHAT!??! that's shocking. and apparently there are people whom we both know who go to these places. wah. ok. alright. didn't know it's so rampant. looks like i need to hire a PI to keep an eye on my husband if i ever get married. *shakes head*

went out with vic to go shopping before we meet the hos for dinner... haah ended by walking around raffles city and gossiping and chit-chatting! i think our hearts weren't really into shopping oops. anyway i wonder how vic can still look so awake and chirpy, having only slept 2 hrs!!! wow. oh and i think i saw someone from my past whom i haven't seen in a long long time and was so surprised to see him that i didn't recover my sensibilities in time to call him. ah well.

the sip-treat-ho dinner was at curry favor, a place that serves japanese curry. sigh liqi couldn't make it at the last minute! poor girl was sick, i think it's due to ill-treatment at certain vascular dept in certain hospital. oh dear. and she is on call tmr still! this is scary. junior doctors are overworked, underpaid, and has no MCs. pathetic. at least the consultants are overworked and adequately paid (i think). sigh, the lives of unicellular organisms...

ha i think the restaurant is doing a roaring business! they managed to squeeze us in although they have an existing reservation of 21, and we ended up sitting in a really special place which makes it a very unique dining experience: the corridor (the back-alley). ok well, it's not the kind of sidewalk in front of the restaurant where customers usually dine, but the back of the restaurant! it looks suspiciously like we were plonked unceremoniously at the back cos there was really no more space... although ok lah it wasn't too bad cos it was air-conditioned and clean and didn't really look like a back-alley. i am just rather amused. hee. and i realised all the hos were feeling miserable at their respective postings! heard so many horror stories! everyone misses NUH! i can foresee them making NUH their permanent home in the near future...

after dinner was a nightmare; the whole world is out on a saturday night! there wasn't a place that could accommodate all of us, in the end we walked and walked and jay-walked (with lots of screams and excitement) and ended up in ---------------- thai express. haha i know very duh right! but that's the best place we can find! and by the time haagen dazs called to tell us they have seats for us, we couldn't extricate ourselves anymore. Cos the thai express waiter was hovering around waiting to take orders, and we have already drunk their water. oops. i wonder what would have happened if we upped and left. bloodshed i expect. ha =P

there was a mini scuffle at the cashier when i tried to pay for the drinks. and i lost! *wails* haha joline (despite being ill and sniffly) tailed me to the cashier and managed to convince the cashier to hand her my card and take hers instead!!! wah i feel like such a failure *buries face* but i will learn. stealth is the only way to prevent the hos from paying for you. haah really, i wonder how they earn any money at this rate! i feel soooooooooooo bad.

by the time we left, almost everyone had zonked out. vic has this glossy-eyed appearance and was giving the impression of listening except that she confessed nothing was going in! and laurence was turning glassy-eyed too! (incidental finding: laurence's mum used to own a bookshop in my neighbourhood! what a small world!) hee. and almost all the hos were either pre- or post-call!!! oh man, feel so touched that they turned up despite their busy schedules! must find another day to treat our ho though... i felt like an abandoned child today without my ho!

ok time to sleep. and forget about all the calories that i have chalked up today. it's really time to start gymming again, urticaria or not. anyway my dr has given me the go-ahead, with the caution to take it slow! no more fast run on the treadmill then. i shall crawl. haah.

2007-09-12T19:15:00.000+08:00

OMG. EARTHQUAKE!!!!!

my house is shaking! for the past 5minutes!!! and it's not just niggling tremours, it's "i-feel-dizzy" tremours!!!!

help!!!!

portuguese egg tarts!

2007-09-12T18:53:00.000+08:00

hah hey thx for ur concern girls! i am ok liao. er txl i think dehydration is negligent. haha it wasn't explosive diarrhoea... shall i give u my stool chart!?! HA!

haiyo time is running out. today is the first day i have not stepped out of the hse to do weird things like cut hair buy hp send my daddy to the dr. aiyo now becoming a little panicky. *takes deep breaths* but seriously! getting kind of tired of studying for the sake of exams! shouldn't we be studying for our interest instead or something...

ok v random, but i am officially a singtel subscriber! YAHOO! *dances around* finally. have been agonising whether to ditch m1, and well i have always been reluctant since i really do like my hp no. but hey! now can retain number so no problem! eeehaaa!

was one of the last customers in hello singtel... and hey! what a coincidence the salesperson was born exactly 1 day earlier than me! and we were both born in KK! (we were prob fellow cribmates or something hah!) it's weird how people establish rapport rapidly over silly things like that! i was so blur that day that i forgot to ask him to help me transfer my contact list. sigh. in the end, i spent like 2plus hrs typing in the contacts stored in my old hp. sheesh. i really should take a tech course or something. it turned out the salesperson didn't photostat my IC! so my application for number retention was booted out by M1 unceremoniously. ha i think his blood must have turned cold when he realised it. Something similar happened to my colleague when i worked in Nokia before i entered NUS, and boy was the customer mad!!! (he lived really farrrrrrrrr away...) but it was ok since he came to get it from me... no time to go out anymore! and i got free portuguese egg tarts! haha he must really feel quite bad about the mistake. goody, i do love egg tarts. (my mum is going insane trying to gobble all of them up, she thinks they are really good. alright, let's all join TAF club together!)

hmm. my whole family is sick/on the brink of illness. ARGH. time to move house. er, friends?! any space!? haha

d-i-a-r-r-h-o-e-a, ramblings

2007-09-09T16:53:00.000+08:00

WAILS. my tummy is soooo punishing me for overeating. sigh.
i think it has turned neurotic, fancies itself as a washing machine. must be, else why does it keep churning...

have decided to really get down to studying, but was visited by the Bug Fairy who bestowed me with her friends Flu and Diarrhoea. sheesh.

i get easily distracted nowadays. can no longer sit down and mug feverishly away! have to keep blasting some music to keep morale up! =P

i wonder, if i am not studying med, where would i be now?

ahhh, childhood dreams.

at the bbq that night, one question was asked: what is your dream?

hmm, plenty!

for instance, i have always wanted to act in a musical! it all looks so jovial and fun and exciting! no sad soppy musicals for me though, give me the laughs anyday! have only ever been involved in one musical in my life, and that was primary sch. passe. haha. and i didn't even get to sing! only the single female lead got to sing... it's my own fault lah, who asked me to be built like a man when i was in pri 6! all tall and strapping and STURDY. urgh. with REALLY short hair somemore. so naturally i got to be the King instead. *shakes head* there was a real shortage of male actors, i think they secretly think it's very unmacho to act. not even the beautiful fake ermine velvet coat was much comfort to my wounded soul. luckily i grew into my role. ha.

and when i was young, i did have the most dirt-common dream of being a popstar, entertaining billions with my music. heh. maybe that's why i joined choir in pri sch, except that i came to realise there were like gazillions of young people having the same dream. too unrealistic.

and i dreamt of being a hotelier, a hall manager who greets patrons by their names and indulge in personal chichat which places them right at home! i love hotels! don't know why... it's just all so grand and pretty.

and then i thought of being a pilot, to fly to every nook and cranny of the world, how exhilarating that would be! until of course, i realised i can't manage without my motion-sickness pills (which would make me too drowsy to see the skies)

i wanted to be an artist, to be able to draw brilliant pictures and have people going ga-ga over my pure genius and talent. but them i realised i never did get fabulous marks in art class. (although i guess kindergarten art class can't be the be all end all of judgement)

there was a teeny period in time when i wanted to be a musician! but i ditched that thought real quick; i just didn't feel i have the talent. tinkering the ivories became a chore when daddy restricts my going-out with friends until i have practised for a stipulated amount of time. anyway, my jie was much better at the piano, i can't even sight-read properly.

if i was born a pint-sized petite pretty little girl, perhaps i could have been a ballerina! (this just seems like one of the must-have dream of little girls) too bad. too late to start dancing on my toes now...

then there was the period when i really wanted to be a world-class baker! except of course they have a classier name; what's that? pastry chef = ...... shootz. can't remember. and this was fueled when i watched My Lovely Samsoon, and the female lead was putting out real beauties in the form of exotic cakes... but then i am not the best baker. ha.

and my most recent dream, to be a photographer! i would hobnob around the world, just me and my camera (of course it would be state-of-art and costing a bomb), taking pictures of scenery and people in their everyday lives. hmm guess love of photography must have been inherited from my dad. i love it when stunning breath-taking scenes are translated into a tangible form. but of course, i don't see how you can effectively capture the feelings, emotions.

it's funny how none of my childhood dreams involve science or medicine. hmm. i have always been more "arty". funny how things change when you grow up. if i had really gone to vjc to study theatre, i may have become a struggling actress now, auditioning for stage productions and mixing with the artistic types! such a drastic difference...

nevermind, i shall continue to be a home-baker and a bathroom singer. zuo ren yao zi zhu chang le =P

2007-09-06T23:13:00.000+08:00

the weighing machine would soon start yelling at me to have only one person standing on it instead of two.

*burp*

i feel like ChompChomp the monster. *munch munch*

went for the neuro ward nurses' bbq today! (yes somehow my life evolves around eating now) shootz. *pinches my cheeks* looking more like a chipmunk lately! darn. my own fault. have been single-handedly polishing off all the goodies my dad's students baked for him! ARGH i am hopeless. i think i am falling sick from choc products.

liqi didnt make it in the end... poor girl! when i called her at 7plus, she was still in SGH waiting to review post-op patients who have yet to come out from the OT!! .......... ok. remind me never to choose SGH surg as a posting... and she didnt manage to go post-call the day before either! oh dear.

it was good to see everyone again! almost all the drs were present, most of the nurses, and the ward clerk kala(?)! ooooooooo and dr teoh brought his wife!!! i heard she's japanese... dunno if it's true... but she does look the part, v fair and pretty!

i can't believe i miss not going to NUH. ha. and there was sooooooooo much food! and there was a small hill of otah! for some weird reason, i have been having loss of appetite with funny cravings. otah is right up my alley! *drools*

it was only when we were tucking in when i realised this is actually pearl's last day... she has resigned! it's so sad watching them say gdbye. hai. she's going to work in the US instead... and she's from myanmar! wished i had known earlier, would have so much to chitchat with her! i love burmese, they are such nice people. =D and we met the new HO of neuro! it's actually chee siong, i didn't know he was taking over from liqi! i thought liqi was just showing him the ropes so that he can start work smoothly... oh dear judging by what i hear looks like he has it bad. if it were me i would prob feel v stressed! imagine, u are a malaysian and u studied med in ireland, and now u have to work in singapore! it's a hypertension-inducing combination man. luckily he seems to be hanging in there...

played silly games at the bbq, and really makes me feel like a freshman again! havent play such games in yrs! haha ooooo i think i sprain my rigid back when we had to cross under a rope limbo rock-style... i have never been able to do that properly before! it's just like asking an elephant to ride a bicycle lor. haha looks like tmr i need CRIB. and a mountain of medicated plasters. *oww*

sigh. hope we would still be able to hang out like this next time! i really hate my self, i show many signs of premature ageing!!!! brought my camera today, so determined was i to take photos with all of them, in the end. i discovered to my horror that i did not bring my SD card!!

*bangs head against the wall*

let me be.

i am the silliest thing on earth. GAH. i can't stand myself.

and i realised today that while being in love can seem like a very enviable thing, almost everyone has a sad unrequited love story to tell (yep including myself!). and being in love seems to bring with it countless sad moments too... sigh. if only everything is clear-cut, simple. but humans are complicated creatures, don't know what they are thinking of sometimes (ok i am speaking like an alien hah). harrummpphhh. so confusing.

2007-09-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

i feel guilty.

*shakes off guilt*

BAH.

went ktv-ing with qingyuan, huiling and her younger bro kangyang today... sang for 4 hrs! *whispers hoarsely* taadaa my new sexy voice. hah. it was pretty fun to go ktv with a new bunch of ppl, the songs they pick were really different from those i usually sing with my ktv kakis! and i realised switching allegiance to class 95 means my knowledge about chinese songs that appeared in the past 4 yrs is almost non-existent... unless they are REALLY famous. heard a song which i really liked, by mayday i think! "zi zhu" - meaning be contented with what you have. the tune and lyrics really tug at my heartstrings... ok i know my hanyu pinyin not fantastic, sure get scolded by ZY if he ever sees this...

i wondered if kangyang felt left out, since the three of us have pretty much to talk about but he is sort of a newcomer in the group! and we have generation gap, we are all of the same age but i think he's only 18. WAH so young. i feel ancient. *hunchbacked* hmm. haha but i guess he must have had a gd time lah, he sings v well!!! v Superstar standard! *thumbs up* and all the difficult songs seem like putty to him, make it sound so easy to sing... so it was pretty funny when he suddenly lost his voice towards the end of our ktv, ha =P
and huiling has a very sweet voice! great for singing those very romantic love songs... ahah! actually they can form a brother-sister team lor. i can be their groupie. hee. *waves placards*
and qingyuan! u need to listen to more chinese songs!!! hah ok lah for a rafflesian you can sing chinese songs not bad liao... but tsk why u know only jolin's songs... (ok i am totally ruining ur reputation!!! ahah)

huiling sneakily went out to settle the bill while we were all still warbling our hearts out. (i think we medical students have a "treat us!" face recently! everyone is scrambling to pay our bills! must be our poor tattered clothes heh) HAH! so sly! but thanks for the sweet though girl! lucky we managed to treat her to dinner, else i would have to send QY to stick the money inside her mailbox liao...

chatted quite alot over dinner, and that's when i realise that things aren't always what they seem. as a SIP student, the working world still seem quite alright... but hearing stories from the horse's mouth really proved how naive we are. SIGH. there seems to be politics in every little nook and cranny, it's omniscient! so scary right. i have never ever like politicking. hmm. looks like i should just become a GP, no politics! so much simpler, makes life so much happier... =(((

we were having a fun discussion about names; and guess who shares the same initials as me and huiling?!?!

gosh. i didn't make the connection till today! when huiling told me... it's none other than our current prime minister!!! LHL!!! hah

and huiling's bro's initials: LKY

FWAH! ahah their parents sure gave them good names! =P

it was a gd feeling to stand in the open, enjoying the night breeze and the just looking at the cable cars bobbing about...

ah well. i am officially voiceless. shall not talk tmr. argh looks like i shall not eat bbq tmr. nurses' bbq! gg to see liqi woohoo! and hopefully the rest of the drs will be there too.. hee. argh tired.
time to snooze.

*snores*

2007-09-03T15:32:00.000+08:00

the sky is overcast, gloomy, grey. raindrops are pattering outside, gently and soothing.

a fitting scene.

Mdm N passed away early this morning, just heard from huiling.

most unexpectedly, and i don't quite know how to deal with this. she has always been one of those we all thought would be well enough to go home soon. just yesterday, she was still cheery, insisting on going home, asking me why she can't go home. i remember laughing with her, and feeling apologetic when her dialect became too extensive for me to understand.

she was a very cute auntie, cheerful, optimistic, loves her grandson, enjoys chatting with us, and never fails to say thank you even when we do things she doesn't particularly like, like setting plugs on her.

it is something else when a patient you have known passed on, as compared to a pt whom you have not known before. her daughter must be really upset; just yesterday she was chatting about auntie fondly, recounting how auntie likes to add one yr to her age everyday she is in the hospital. she doesnt seem to know how old she is, but she does like to say she is in her nineties (when she's in her eighties).

i feel so tired. no more tears le. i just hope, fervently, that auntie knew that she was loved and liked. and that she had gone on to a better place.

life is about sleeping like a log, eating like a pig

2007-09-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

*oink*

hah its 2012 and i just woke up not to long ago.

*cat stretch* post post-call, still tired! i guess they were right to say post post call is tiring.

hey i changed my blogskin! thax huiling for painstakingly smsing me all the steps! (see jie, i also know how to change! haha u can't laugh at me now!) it feels abit funny to part with the old blogskin though, after all i have used it since i had a blog...

today was a rather creepy day. was rudely awakened in the midst of a deep sleep, as i thought i heard my alarm ringing.... first thought i had was that my alarm sounded different today! but i thought it may be the other alarm ringing (i set two clocks so that i don't oversleep) so didn't think much about it. as i shuffled to the bathrm to wash up, i glanced at the clock. 5.30am.

WHAT?!!

shook my head, rubbed my eyes, it was still 5.30am!

so i shuffled back to my room to stare at my alarm clock, only to see it has been set for 6.20am. hmm.

had an uneasy sleep afterwards. really wondered what happened. *shudders*

and when i went to sch later on, my mummie suddenly called me for no apparent reason. when i got home, she told me she thought she heard someone calling her mummie, and it sounded alot like me! that's why she called to make sure i was still in sch. wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so scary. time to hang some garlic around my neck.

it was the first day post-sip today, but i went back to nuh. have to say my goodbyes after all! in the end only told my mdm K that i was leaving. hmm she was not having a good day, looked so weak and sallow today! sure hope she isn't deteriorating just before her endarterectomy!!! sigh. she claims she wasn't afraid but i guess it's just bravado. how can anyone not be afraid!? hope she hangs in there!

it was a rather forlorn feeling back in nuh today. the ward was so empty! weren't that many ppl around, and no other sips in my ward! it was a lonely feeling. and many of the nurses weren't around either. =( liqi bought a nice big choc cake for the staff in w57, and it was really pretty!! and not to mention yummy. i think i am developing cake facies after all the cake i have eaten the past few days.

i felt dreadful when i walked out of w57 and up the hill, knowing that SIP really is over. ok, serious case of post-sip depression!!!!

gosh. i am still blue. i shall not blog anymore on this horrid day.

bah humbug!

SIP cold turkey

2007-09-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my old bones are c-r-e-a-k-i-n-g. *squeak*

SIP is officially over! 1st September sure came really fast. hai. oh yar Happy Teacher's Day to LiQi and Huiling! and my papa.. aha =P *gives imaginary card and gift* =P

didnt have time to blog the last three days... really feels as if time has wings and is hurrying me along, i have exertional dyspnea le! currently having body-brain dissociation. ha. my brain is awake but my body is still asleep... *snores*

our HOs took us out to dinner on thursday! whee! it was a really fun outing, i think the good thing about SIP is you really get to know your seniors, quite like Medicamp! The day didn't start out too good (i walked into my bedroom's door and bumped my fingers and toes, so tired was I from the previous day) but luckily it ended well! We went to Riverside Indonesian Restaurant, and i actually felt quite brave that day! Drove in the end under duress! aha. though none of us who sat in my car actually knew the road we got there just fine. blame it on our impeccable sense of direction. *smirks*

it was a really good feeling to hang out on a weekday night and do nothing more stressful than talk rubbish! the food was good, company was excellent! i felt sooooooooooooooooo hungry i thought i can eat up the entire bbq platter! (thanks to the lacklustre free lunch we had that day... bah so disappointing! thursday free lunches used to be really gd =() i dunno why i have been labelled perpetually hungry by liqi... i protest! it's qingyuan who's always hungry at 12pm! ha. anyway we discovered a new bottomless pit among us! taadaa let's give a warm welcome to our bottomless yet slim miss esther leow! ha she practically polished off the entire plate of leftovers! while the guys just sat there and insist they couldn't eat another bite... tsk. i was helping to eat too! what's wrong with the world today... no wonder i am getting fat!

we wandered into a place called asylum after dinner for some drinks... and boy do i totally understand why it's called asylum!

u go in sane; u come out nutty.

the service was really really horrigible! (horrid + incorrigible) gosh! i think i can list it top of my list for really substandard service! hmm maybe it's a ploy they use to ensure they dont get many customers! so sneaky! *suspicious mind goes into overdrive* the timeline goes smthg like this:

0 min: ordered drinks
15 min: chatting away
30 min: some of us started fermenting
40min: generalised fermentation of the gang
50min: distillation of ethanol
1hr: discovered beer orders were taken and for some reason not registered on the asylumist's mind. GOSH!!!! perhaps it was taken for fun.... *roll eyes*

haiyo!!! poor ppl who ordered beer. think they were all rather sian about that! i was wondering why the alcoholic drinks are the last to come! my ice chocolate came much much much earlier... and yet this was more of a pub! *faintz*

it was during this asylum session that i discovered my chinese isn't that great after all. let's have a quiz: what do u call ur fringe? see below for answer.

for my entire life i have been referring to it as fringe. hahah correct what! i have never known what it is known as in chinese! and horrors of horrors, vic actually knows! ok er great. none of us from rv knew, not me not esther not lionel. let's all dig a hole and bury ourselves in shame. esp me, since dad teaches chinese. oops. when i came home and asked my sis, she didnt know either! so it's not my fault, i wasn't taught. must be my parents, never teach me tsk. haah my mum has totally horrified that i didn't know! she sneered at me lor. so bad!

carpooled back home at elevenish that night, it was the first time i drove so many ppl home! felt a great sense of responsiblity! luckily didn't have to put toothpicks in my eyes to stay awake! it's quite fun to go home together, eheh got ppl to chitchat with me! was really dead tired when i got home, and liqi threatened me with death if i were to blog that night... (me qingyuan and her on call the next day) ahha!

the last day of SIP didn't feel like the last day. Guess i didn't have much time to think about it as such. but i started feeling sad when nitecall started. it's my last call! didn't manage to follow liqi after all... cos clement decided not to turn up and liqi didnt feel good taking me away from delice and not giving her a replacement... started call at 7, and the first thing i remember doing is resus! wahhh... and this resus was more serious than the 1st one i saw. this poor pt has disseminated salmonellosis, he was prob vvvvvv sick already. sigh. SpO2 was dropping and he was bradycardiac and hypotensive! luckily he had a femoral catheter and so i was just standing there doing what i can do best: squeezing the normal saline fast! and it was during that when i noticed the patient had a drop of tear that was running down his face. really broke my heart. i wondered if he knew he was v ill, and whether he can actually hear us speaking. was it a coincidence? or was he feeling ill? or scared? or sad? or regretful? i have no clue. there was little i can do to offer comfort except to squeeze his hand. i wonder if he even knew we were there. really do hope he makes it in the end in ICU. =(

it was a crazy crazy crazy nite! we didnt manage to sleep at all! i think delice was vvvvvvvvvvv stressed, her hp rings every time she hangs up a call!! it was scary! it was almost as if the patients made a pact to be ill that day and came to the hospital hand-in-hand! i was quite scared when my ho and mo had to leave me to set a plug and take ultra super alot of blood from a lady... they had to go to another ward so i wasn't going to get any help if i had trouble! and it turned out to be quite a memorable experience:

the auntie was a very nice auntie, but i made the mistake of making small talk before i set plug.

"Hello auntie! Have to set plug ok! Take some blood from you also... you scared of pain?"

"YESSSSSSSS! VERY!!!"

heart flopped onto the floor and languished.

"Auntie! Injection ok! dont move!"

at the word injection, my patient gave me a huge fright. she started screaming! gone was my calm, reasonable, conversant and normal looking patient, replaced by a screaming lady reminiscent of a banshee. oh gosh! i was under tremendous stress! and joline's words popped into my head: it's worse when the curtains are drawn and the pt is screaming! Cos other ppl would be wondering what u are doing!

How true.

so while my patient was screaming murder (it was already quite late at night), i was trying to set a plug. and being from a neuro ward i really don't have much practice and my success rate isn't that great in the 1st place.. had to take a calming breath, mentally blocked out her screaming, stabilise my trembling fingers (i think i have underlying plug-induced parkinsonism) and jab. and throughout the entire time that i was taking 25ml of blood from her, she didn't once stop screaming!!!

when i finally ended, i thought," this is it. i am so going to get scolded! to have caused so much pain!"

imagine my delight when my normal lady came back, and started smiling at me. oh gosh. and instead of scolding me, she beamed and thanked me! actually told me it was not that painful but she was just vvvvv scared of pain! and she was really happy that i only attempted it once. wah!!! auntie!!! u traumatised me u know!! i had a near STEMI! and i think she felt v apologetic. began to recount her horror stories, including one about a "i think it's a student" who had to poke me many many times. and in my heart i was thinking, oops, i am a student. ahah better dont let her know! she felt really bad for traumatising me i think, so much that she even called me a pretty dr when i was looking like smthg out of a toilet bowl, with my hair sticking out in all directions and my scrubs already bearing battle scars of the night (a gigantic iodine stain adorn my R knee region courtesy of a blood culture). Ha! but i really felt deliriously happy after that! imagine! i set a plug successfully! on a first try! under such trying circumstances! i was mighty pleased with myself after that, felt like superwoman! *flexes muscles* me=invincible. hee

1030pm brought me a surprise; esther actually came back to nuh to bring me cakes from coffeebean!!! so sweet of her!!! i have no idea why she is so nice, spoiling me! ahah. aw. felt really touched that she came back especially, and even brought it the the ward i was in! soooooooo very touched!!!! i felt very loved and pampered. haha. very paiseh that her parents drove her back to nuh... for the whole night after that i kept thinking of my cakes; yet i didnt have any time to eat them at all! wanted to share with liqi delice qingyuan they all, but there wasnt even time to drink water lor...

the night took a turn for the worse after that. so many so many cases to see! it all passed in a blur. there were many things to do in ward 61 alone! and my hairstyle just got more and more artistic and wild as the night wears on, and i keep having to don the nasty N95 masks! (my face is too fat; pls make bigger masks!) at around 4am, i was stuporous. trying to preclerk a case for delice, so i was plonked right in front of the computer and trying to pry my eyelids awake. can't remember how long i was there, but i only manage to write three sentences. and i counted: i nodded off a total of 8times! gosh! when delice took over, i inched to the table to rest my head. took off my specs to hold them in my hands, and the next thg i knew i almost dropped them cos i fell aslp. wah! it was really bad! i was tired, VERY hungry! i would have given anythg to sleep. in my deepest darkest hr, liqi appeared! armed with my fav iced milo! YAY! i could have kissed her feet. i was so thirsty my lips were cracking. really woke me up, cos liqi for some weird reason was still v awake! despite her busy social calendar... and she chop-chop went to take the bloods that i was sposed to take. sigh. what will i do without my ho. and then the nurses in the ward must have seen that i was sleepy, they started to gossip with me! and in the 5min gossip we had, i realised a startling truth. which of cos cant be mentioned. ha. it was truly an insight into the nurses' world..

daylight brought with it a weariness i couldnt describe. struggled to brush my teeth lest i become the cause of a resus case. ha. and then it was rounds! funnily enough, i became v wide awake while chatting with all my aunties. i shall miss them! couldnt bring myself to say it was my last day, and that i wont be seeing them anymore. sigh. Mdm N is actually smiling a little each morning now when i greet her, so sweet! and Mdm K is gg for an op on tues, i really regret i wont be around to be with her that day. i became zombie-fied when dr teoh finally came to round with us. i was a walking expressionless puppet. i was no help at all i think. i felt "valproated" haah. didnt even have strength to go take photos! in the end managed to take one with dr teoh and dr raymond.. we were all in blue! the 3 of us in scrubs and the drs in blue shirts. ahah.

hmm. i think i will go back tmr. one last round with liqi, and to say gdbye to my aunties. dont want to disappear without a word. SIP ended! i can't believe this. it must have been one of the most memorable times in my life.

ans to quiz: fringe=liu hai

i am algae (unofficial term for slave)

2007-08-30T00:35:00.000+08:00

HAPPIE BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also currently known as "guano" -> bat's droppings. haha dont ask me why... heehee.

its our 3rd last day of SIP today. hmm. mixed feelings, dont really know what to day right now. brought my camera to sch hoping to take photos with all the nurses and the drs, but didnt have the chance! a very unexpectedly busy day...

Mdm SRF had to have a lumbar puncture today, and it turned out that hers was extremely difficult to do. adrian, leonard and dr raymond all attempted but failed. can see that she was in extreme pain, but was still trying to be brave and cheery about it! felt really sorry for her when she finally teared when they declare the procedure a failure and said they would not attempt anymore today. SIGH. poor thing. i would never want to have a LP done on me. all my adipose tissue would prob get in the way and i would end up being poked many many times. =P

today harry and dobby gave us tutorial! wah our mos are really nice lor. (except that dobby told us bluntly that we do not qualify as amoebae, we are only algae status) took us through two cases, one a pt with ascites and cushingoid features. diagnosis? chronic renal failure with renal transplant done, cushingoid due to steroids for immunosuppression, with gouty tophi as the impaired kidneys couldnt excrete uric acid. FWAH. *jaw drops* it's amazing how nicely everything fits in!! the 2nd case was a rheumatoid arthritis, and needless to say, yours truly has all but forgotten everything about RA. stress! did an extremely poor examination, haha oops! luckily they were kind and didnt lambast me too badly. wah but the way they presented the case was excellent lor. i think i may never get to their level. aiyo having a case of "i feel stupid" again!

as i went past the high-dependency ward today, i saw relatives crowding around a bed, sobbing quietly. one of them was a JC student. and it dawned on me that they were the relatives of the extremely ill Mdm E. sigh. i have never seen the patient awake and conversant before, so i guess subconsciously i didnt feel really upset for her, as in i feel pity but it doesnt really register that she had been a wife, a loving mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, to someone in this world. seeing them around her, crying, it really pains me. Mdm E was but 50 yrs old, and although i am but a student, i think her prognosis isnt that great. i can't imagine how i would feel if my loved one is the one lying there, fighting for her life. Life is indeed very fragile. We must all cherish the people around us.

On a happier note, we went out with the team today!!!! as dr teoh said," Slaves are seldom paid but are often fed," wise words indeed! dr teoh, liqi, adrian and leonard all went, and EN QY and I went as well! also had dr kanna (?), who is extremely funny although there were a few occasions when i didnt know if i shld laugh or "strangle" him... heh. quite sad that dr raymond and dr amy did not go though, sigh! nor did dr vijay. =((( but it was quite a lovely dinner, dr teoh brought us to Streeters on keong saik st, nice spanish tapas! yum. this first time i am eating tapas lor, it is quite delicious! supposedly this street has some brothels one. and thats when i realised my mos know quite alot about brothels!!! *suspicious* hah ok no lah it's because they were actually brought into the brothels as part of COFM in the med sch yrs! not fair! how come i didnt have! seems like an interesting thing! haiyo wasted. had a nice chat with the mos, and i discovered adrian and leonard were both from hcjc too! ha so qiao! must say they dont strike me as hcjcians though... and best of all, adrian gave us a ride home! luckily he stay so near, else i have to take cab back to celeb my sis's bdae liao! (but i feel bad; imagine a multicellular organism giving algae a lift...)

ooo ok. looks like i gotta sleep. hopefully we will get to go out tmr if the post-call ppl arent too tired!!! plsplspls dont be tired! ha. yay! next week go ktv with shi-fu! have to stock up on nin jiom liao...

of drunkards and amoebas

2007-08-28T22:12:00.000+08:00

wah today has been a seriously atypical day! i am in shock. *resus trolley pls*

firstly, the extremely torrential downpour in the wee hours means that i was almost driving blindly, not a gd start to a day!

then, when we got to the hospital, it seems like the whole world is getting admitted into the neuro ward! never have i seen so many new faces streaming in, and two of them straight into high-dependency!

and almost everyone needed a CT or MRI scan, and miraculously everything got done today.

and for once, the cardiac centre didnt tell me my patient has been listed for a december echocardiogram, but instead gave me a date for tmr.

and the fish stall auntie piled egg and seawood into my bowl as if they were free; i think theres something about my face she likes today...

and the computer system sprang another surprise on us! now instead of the just having the extra trouble of keying everything into the computer, we have to go the extra trouble to print out special stickers to label the blood tubes!!! what the....! i am going mad. seriously.

and the most atypical thing was: i was verbally abused!!!! my god. at least the previous uncle who hurls abuse at the doctors was always cordial to me, this terrible drunkard (his name was listed as "unknown acs") actually scolded me when i tried to find out why he is in the hospital. he told me to go to hell!!! what the (%^@(#^%@%^#(@%#(%#!!

ARGH!!!! the GALL of this this this erm insane drunkard!!!

and to make things worst, he was obviously NOT drunk anymore. the emergency dept noted that he simply wanted a place to sleep... like hello! *roll eyes*

i was so mad i was ready to start screaming back at him (believe me, i erupt like a volcano in the face of unreasonable ppl). but of course, i recall that i am an amoeba in the hospital hierachy, so i wisely stuffed a fist into my big mouth and stalked out of the cubicle.

spoil my day. GRRRR.

sigh. but i guess i shouldnt be affected by idiots like that, it's their right to behave badly and all. i shall concentrate on the happier things, like some of the cute cute patients we have! Like the auntie who will wave happily at me and tell me it's night-time (when it's daytime) and actually recognises me! and our reluctant patient who always tell me how shuai my consultant is... and how she doesnt mind staying longer as long as he asks her to... HAH! and mdm S, a patient who was actually so sick at first that we werent sure she was ever going to wakey, but hey! just this week she opened her eyes when i called her and actually could understand what i was saying to her! i was so excited that i ran outside and shouted for the nurses, only to realise that she had been improving over the weekend. so heartwarming, really felt vvvvvvvvvvvvv happy for mdm S!!! *waves pompoms to cheer her on* jia you jia you! kind of miss my young patient who was discharged on sunday. hmm i may see her around my neighbourhood though, heh.

SIP is ending soon! i feel a sense of loss and sadness. i shall miss my ward 57, and everything that comes with it.

i shall miss my ho of course, my boss! so used to bugging her every now and then because there's still so many things we do not know!

the nurses!
huiling, the very first nurse who befriended us on our first day. Aka my shi-fu in blood-taking. hah except every time she is with me when i set a plug, it just cant go in! (i realised today that i will only succeed when i am alone. must be the stress!)
ivy, who feeds us haw flakes on the sly during ward rounds! hah she is really very ke ai...
syahida, who speaks mandarin!!! and she is soooo funny. ha will miss chatting with her during nitecalls about korean shows and such.
sew peng, who offered to let me set plug on her for 5 bucks then backed out... chey. hah
joyce who would go to the trouble of finding me blankets and pillows to settle down for the nite!
syaiful, the thorn among the roses! i seldom see him smile initally, but he is smiling more these days...
nur! the vvvvvvvvvvvvv pretty nurse!
and many many many more.

i feel v at home in w57. *beams*

oh and of course the team! will miss them. dr teoh (the dr my patient is gushing over) invited us to the team dinner tmr!!! OMG. what an exciting thing! but i gotta gobble up the food and hightail back home (my pigheaded sis's bdae!) harry and dobby are leaving us tmr! so sad! to think we wont be working with familiar ppl in our last two days of SIP. sigh.

am rather glad i went through SIP, and it really was good fun! and i got to know some of my clsmates better... like EN! haha never did have the chance to chitchat with her before, but now that i do, she is actually very expressive! *recalls her "disgust" when i told her a thought of mine today* hahah!

and of course i know qingyuan's dark secrets now. hah. tsk.

and shaun. ES=evil shaun. but he happily interpreted it as ES=extremely shuai. WAHHHH!!! *faintz*

ok i better conserve energy. tmr got team dinner and sis's bdae, thurs liqi bringing us out to dinner! YAY!! friday got nitecall.... fwah. looks like the zoo would have a new panda to stay soon..

a wonderful call

2007-08-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

26th august'2007

POST WEEKEND CALL!!!!

haha yay! i survived the long wkend call. *gives myself a pat on the back* to tell the truth it was much more fun than wkday calls! i think having free dinner supper AND breakfast helps! =D

still feeling very woozy now... funny how i always dont wish to slp on nitecalls and yet zonk out once i get home! slpt from 1plus pm til 7plus jz now! still not enough. haah. pig is my middle name. (anyway i am born in yr of pig so i guess i am living up to my name huh!)

some things i learnt during my call:
1) Hepatitis A CAN be transmitted sexually, contrary to popular beliefs.
why? via erhmm oral sex. this piece of knowledge courtesy of my mo dr jimmy.

2) It helps to have supper to look forward to, it REALLY brings morale up!! YAY! joline brought nydc pizza and cake for us in the middle of the night, so sweet! aw. i really feel like a pampered child! i think our hos probably spend all their earnings on us while we are doing SIP lor... the pizza is gd. YUM!

3) Lionel has tapeworms. HAH! sorry i made that up. Cos he is perpetually hungry! its quite funny to watch him eat and eat and eat... wonder why he isnt fat? blame the worms!

4) HOs may turn hysterical in the middle of the night. Lionel and Joline started laughing non-stop in the midst of clerking a patient!!! Luckily the pt zonked out (she was sooooooo tired and sleepy that i was surprised she didnt try to sweep us out of her cubicle when we tried to examine her!)... Lionel totally lost it, had to get out of the cubicle a few times to laugh. haa. i think... he made friends with the drug addict in his ward.. =P

5) I can't read ECGs. So demoralising! the number of things i can't do and don't know seems to be PILING UP! GULP. But luckily i think i sort of understood how to approach the ECG after some pointers from my mo and ho...

6) My memory cannot make it. Long-term storage seems to be missing! HELP!

7) Liqi is so evil! Msged me "auntie" just before she slpt! I protest!!!!!!!! I AM NOT!!! haha but ok lah, the yummy donuts she bought for us made up for it... i want more! *greedy*

8) Qingyuan is a teeny-bopper. HAHA! The singers he like are sweet young things and boybands heehee. sorry qingyuan, i am destroying ur reputation...

9) I love my ward nurses!!!! I want to hug them and tell them how great they are lor. Joyce gave me tonnes of blankets and pillows and Syahida was chit-chatting with me when i was wandering around in the night! sigh. i shall miss them so very much.

best call ever!

2007-08-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

yay! i am sitting comfortably in ward57 resident room now... its 11pm! wow. i am actually free. not bad!

and *gasp* i realise i have a comment from EN! omg EN u put me to shame! i am a really incompetent person. serious. i cant read ECGs, i cant take a good and fast history, i cant read doctors' handwriting, i cant set plugs!!!!!!!!!!ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so pls dont say i am competent. i want to bury my head and hide. but anyway, it's nice of u to say this, though i really dont agree. hah. aww.

today is my first wkend call! and the longest call so far... spose to start at 11 but i only joined my ho at 2pm... my ho is lionel, and he is SUPER nice!!! feel safer taking bloods knowing that the ho would be on hand to help if i screw up... (which er is quite often i think. sigh.) and we had a resus case! ok not really resus lah, no need to intubate or CPR, but this is the closest i have ever gotten to see a "A&E" case! but luckily the patient was stabilized... then sent to ICU. whew. i sure hope he does ok!!! poor uncle. had to fluid resus him which means he was poked multiple times by different people... in the end he had 4 drips running at the same time!!! and he was writhing and groaning in pain all the while too... poor thg! it must have come as a shock to his family, cos he was supposed to be well enough to go home today... hai. jiayou uncle!!!

ooo and i think weekend calls allow for more bonding time with ur ho and mo... somehow for me nitecalls always pass in a blur! everyone just wants to chopchop get thgs done and go slp... so no small talk/chitchat/laughter. so it was pretty fun today! the mo jummy relegated me to do PRs... i think i convinced him that i was too lousy at taking bloods.. hah! so i did two or three rectal exams lor. sigh. cannot make it right... THEN! this auntie called out to us when lionel and i were done seeing a pt...

"auntie! auntie ah!!"

i shook my head. tried to clear my head. all the while thinking i must be hearing things.

"auntieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

lionel inched forward. i hung back.

and she ignored lionel, looked straight at me, and called me right in the eye; "AUNTIE! wo ai ga li gong wei!!!"

MY GOD. i am soooooooo traumatised.

i am an auntie at the ripe old age of 23!!!!

no wonder i have no bf.

time for cosmetic surg. er, dr woffles?! haha

sheesh!!!! thanks ah po. and my ho was totally unsympathetic! argh. thx lionel...

had dinner at kopitiam, sigh i seriously wish there were smthg new to eat! i am having loss of appetite from eating the same old food! and ooo my ho treated me!!! feel v bad, all the hos always treat us! they teach us, treat us, and all we do is give them trouble. haha oops. and i realised lionel is fr rv and hcjc too! were exchanging stories of infamous teachers... and the highlight was: we saw the auntie who famously offered lionel ginseng tea! gosh. auntie killer, this one... he tried to shove some money to the auntie, then the auntie resolutely got up from her chair and came to find him! like playing hide and seek lor, cos then he went running... haha! so the auntie pounced on me and forced the money on me! (i feel like the coconut tree... imagine two indians dancing around me... *starts growing leaves and coconuts*

and now qingyuan aka m5 and me are holed up in our w57! (i am so evil, qy is "scolded" by liqi for fighting for the sofa with me! though i am the intruder! cos i am not covering this ward one haha =P) ooo and we bombarded liqis blog and started talking rubbish! haah so fun! YAY liqi is bringing us donuts tmr! yumyumyum. my tummy sure overnourished this few weeks lor... morning teas, nice buffet lunches, liqi bringing us out this thurs, suppers sometimes when u have nice registrars who buy BAGS AND BAGS of mcdonalds for EVERYONE, and hos who treat u on calls! ok. gotta settle my cholinergic urticaria thg SOON and start jogging!!!!! hello fats. byebye waist.

and i am so jealous. liqi is off today and she wrote a nice long blog on going to orchard. WAILS!!!

i am torn btw liking SIP and wanting to be a carefree student. dilemmas dilemmas!

ooo i am bored. i hope theres smthg to do soon!!!

(qingyuan is glued to the comp watching.... TAADAA jolin tsai and rainie!!!! gosh. tsk. and boybands lor. hah)

clumsy oaf i am

2007-08-24T23:34:00.000+08:00

wah!
i hate technology.
this blog ate up my last entry!!! which was painstakingly written during a nitecall while i was using toothpicks to open my eyes. SIGH!!!
nvm.
one shall look ahead.

oooo. i see that my friends are enjoying my bloodthirsty blog entries! ahah.

its the end of my first week with neuro stroke team!! sadly, dr vijay has left! (alas. i have nv followed his team before, but he is always so nice! he even taught me once! jz happened to see me loitering around and he started talking to me! awww. such a nice dr!) but anyway! i still love the team! dr seet, also popularly known as AC raymond, is very nice too! at first i thought he may be quite strict, but hey! he's actually very easy to talk to and he even gave us an impromptu tutorial! (despite the fact that a weird patient scolded him for no concrete reason and kicked up a big fuss over his "forced" discharge!) and dr adrian, who likes to teach, makes a good pair with dr leonard! (nah i dont mean that kind of pair, i mean they have alot of mo-qi!) their play-acting of harry potter and dobby really tickles me alot... mauahahah =D

and i am finally working with liqi! YES! no more wondering around in strange wards alone to do discharges! i am safe, cosy and happy in w57! i love having a ho to leech on to! cos i dont feel so lost anymore. heehee. YAY!

and i realise the nurses in my ward are FANTASTIC. my gosh. they are like angels lor, so very nice! quite unlike some of the nasty nurses i have met before as a medical amoebic student! am beginning to remember most of their names... aha. and they taught me how to set plug today! so touched can. but of course i was so stressed by the fact that three experienced nurses were watching me and the fact that the patient is the wife of someone impt that i failed. SPECTACULARLY. ahah. and in comes huiling to the rescue! within 5 seconds the plug was in! FWAH. *dumbstruck* idol! (sets up fan club for huiling) haah =P and then we adjourned outside, and she demonstrated how to set plug using one hand.... our model? an inflated glove. heehee

so i took home some gloves and started jabbing at them maniacally just now. maybe, by some miracle, i would have perfected this technique by tmr! (yar right)

okies
nite call tmr, my first wkend call! and my 2nd call of this wk! no wkend liao. boohoo!

night owl

2007-08-15T04:15:00.000+08:00

0415 hrs
haha i am awake! today is my second night call, and i just had my dinner. i am surprised i have not yet fainted from hypoglycemia yet (last bite of food was around 1.30pm, not counting the life-saving mentos my ho gave me).

not a particularly fabulous day, as usual started at 7.30am, then had two hos teaching us at 6-8pm, THEN went up to the wards to help take a blood culture, THEN bumped into the ho i am following and just didnt have time to eat dinner. had many many many admissions today! i think my ho was rather exasperated haah and seemed rather agonised that so many people were getting admitted to the wards he's in charge of. but it's been an exciting night for me!!! my ho jieli was really nice, so i got to do the many procedures that have eluded me for the past weeks. i did
1) my first ever blood culture
2) my first ever ABG (femoral and it was successful! YAY!)
3) my first plug for this SIP posting.

*smirks*
happy. =) maybe now i can psycho myself into thinking i am not that bad at taking bloods.

ooooo yes i have to praise the hos who taught us today!! joline and lionel (i think). i am really very touched that our seniors are so nice and willing to share their knowledge with us! especially the ho lionel, i heard he was post-call yet he stayed back til 8pm just to teach us! i doubt i will be so wei-da next time... sleep is going to feature really BIG in my timeline. hah =P not teaching bratty juniors. (so evil rite)

have to wakey at 6.45 to take more bloods, i better dive into my makeshift bed for the night!

YAWN. SIP is actually quite fun. =P

2am on National Day

2007-08-09T02:05:00.000+08:00

time-check 2.07am, i am stoning in NUH doing my first night call.

zombie-fied.

my HO is Dr Khine, a very nice doctor from myanmar (got conversational topics since i have been there before)... she just told me to come and rest ahah =P

third day into SIP and i feel... very out of place still. it's really very tiring to start your day at 7.30am and leave the hospital at 7pm. AND you practically stand the WHOLE day. my god. can you hear my feet screaming... have worn flats and not heels and yet i feel like i just want to walk barefoot to save me from the agony of trudging around in my shoes. URGH. (by the way, i think the friction has rubbed off all my skin from my two last toes. i am officially as skinless as the plucked cooked chicken on the table).

the neuro team is a rather nice bunch of people, and i especially adore my HO liqi! she is really very willing to teach and ever so helpful, always making sure to check on me when i set off to take blood alone. and i realise another trait about the hos; they seem to have mastered the art of not going to the toilet and not drinking water. they are like pseudo-cacti! at the end of the day i always feel as dry as a bone. dehydrated, wrinkled, shrivelled. maybe our bladders wisely expands themselves when they realise the day is too short for time wasted on toileting.

have yet to do any successful procedures other than venepuncture. =( although so far it's rather heartening that none have failed yet! did an ABG just now, failed to draw any blood. my heart sank. aha especially since there were four pairs of eyes (patient's and relatives') staring at me while i tried to do it. witnessed a blood culture, looks really tough to do! and i have yet to set a plug. GAH. at this rate i am never going to fulfill all the basics...

my ho just informed us today that we have to come back weekends. byebye lovely saturday and sunday. i shall become a SIP slave.

ooo. it's freezing in this room. and there's no bed to sleep on. and i haven't bathe. life is sad. my hair is greasy, my eyes are puffy, my tummy is rumbling, my lips are cracking, and i probably smell nasty. pooey.

a "Do Not Resuscitate" patient passed away just now. it's terrible watching the grief of the relatives, no words of consolation come to mind.

brrr. freezinggggggggggggggggggggg freeziiiing freezingg freezinnng frozen.

pre-internship

2007-08-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

yahoo!

starting my internship tomorrow, at a neurology ward in NUH.

time to drop off the surface of the earth for the next 4 weeks!!!! having FIVE night calls!!! (OMG) will be post-call on national day so at least i can go home after 2pm i think... SIGH. what a sad national day!

pretty excited now! but i bet i would be crying before soon... ahma told me she cried post-call because she was just sooooooooooo tired! and didnt manage to eat both dinner and breakfast too! wah. (looks like it's time for me to slim down haha)

welllllllllll, fervently hope that all the procedures i do like blood-taking and catheterization would be successul! i don't want to traumatise any patients! and i don't wish to be scolded!

i know nuts about neurology! hah. although i did three weeks of neuro in scotland and it was really very interesting... shucks! hope the consultant don't think i am stupid or what. trying to cram neuro knowledge into my tiny brain now.

ok! i shall read this post one week from now and probably wish i was back right at this moment. haha =P

NUH here i comeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! (byebye earthlings cya in 4 weeks)

2007-08-01T14:19:00.000+08:00

hmm i wonder what the world is coming to!!! what with news of bogus charities canvassing for funds from unsuspecting kind-hearted people and the Taleban detaining and killing off big-hearted korean missionaries who wanted to HELP the Afghan people...

SIGH.

depressing.

they are on a killing spree eh? a second korean has just been killed. and he's only 29 years old. sigh.

i wonder why cant the Taleban regime sees sense. do they really want to be alienated from the rest of the world, including those who wish to lend a helping hand? it must be so hard for the victims and their families, a long 13 days it has been. and who knows what may happen next. i can understand the government's reluctance not to bend to Taleban's demands, as it would only set off a bitter vicious cycle of more kidnappings to bargain for the release of Taleban members. yet, i can't bear to see these young, compassionate beings being slaughtered senselessly in a war which does not concern them.

the greatest loser? possibly humanity. that we have to resort to this mindless killing of the innocent to attain our goals.

i am not a christian, but i sure feel like praying for their safety. it could easily have been anyone of us, each one of us who have ever ventured to foreign lands to lend a helping hand.

2007-07-25T18:51:00.000+08:00

of the many unfortunate events that have happened to me thus far, one more appears to have emerged...

frankly, am getting rather tired of discovering the many ailments my body appear to have, it's like doraemon's treasure pouch, intended to surprise at every moment.

experienced yet another attack of urticarial rash today, right after i stepped off the treadmill. that's two consecutive times!!! so instead of maximising my $2.50 worth of gym time i am forced to pop a pill and drive home. sigh.

please tell me this is temporary. have enough of lifestyle restrictions as it is.

is someone up there testing me? i fervently hope not...

2007-07-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

*licks fingers* i love durians. funny how i can never get the smell off my fingers even with soap though.

wah louis! u say i have weird taste!!! *glares* thanks!!! (strikes u off my "friends" list) haha i happen to have impeccable taste can, and i am rather exacting about the quality of potter movies... !!! unlike erhmm some erhmm people. ha =P

hope u are having fun teaching!! you and zhengyi can commiserate about your students together... =P

harry potter and ali baba

2007-07-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

i never thought that i would still be known as ali baba 12 years since the day the nickname was coined for me... haah it certainly made me feel as though i am a primary schooler again!

went to watch the much-anticipated harry potter movie today with my perth tourmates... and my fav two little girls came along!!! its so funny watching them run all over the place, it seems like there are two energiser bunnies sprinting around! admire them for their boundless energy lor... (i feel very much like an ancient relic) haah =P and tingting really does remind me of my penguin PJ who is currently perched on top of my bed... so cute!

particularly enjoyed my swordfight with them at toys'r'us! (thats the good thing when u hang out with kids, no one will think you are nuts or too old to play with toys HEE =D). i think i have a deprived childhood, never did visit toys'r'us when i was young! kids nowadays are very xing fu...

and now its time for me to grouse about how lousy and disappointing Order of the Phoenix is! *great big sigh* its really quite bad. no climax! the most exciting thing must be the weasley twins zooming around the exam halls setting off fireworks! i feel embarassed on J.K Rowling's behalf, and i feel cheated for having spent 9.50 bucks on this movie lor. and to think i was partly responsible for all of us watching harry potter... i just want to dig a hole and hide my face in shame. ha. SIGH. i really hope they do the last two movies justice!

am feeling kinda sad. tmr is the start of study break. SIGH. so much stuff to catch up! and i have to start exercising!!! i feel like a lump of lard. *pokes at my fats* hope i dont get cholinergic urticaria again!! my last run in the gym with ahma two weeks ago brought out an attack of hives right after my run! i think i shocked ahma and bobby with my rapid onset of rashes. look positively hideous! lucky bobby's house was in bt panjang so i was home in a jiffy! sigh. see, not i dont want to exercise k, i always have funny things happening once in a while. GAH.

ooo. i am craving for durians.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

2007-07-21T22:47:00.000+08:00

i really want to kiss J.K Rowling's feet, for having given me such joy over the past 10 years for the magic she wove with her words.

it's really sad that there is not going to be anything to look forward to anymore. =( i do feel a sense of loss! it's almost as if i grew up with harry, ron and hermione!

was up real early this morning after much deliberation last night over which is the best time to start queueing up at singpost like the true-blue kiasu singaporean i was. imagine, i actually wound up my alarm to wake me at 6.30 on a no-sch saturday!!! and i was of the house by 6.40am, clean teeth and all!

imagine my trepidation when i realised there was already a queue outside popular bookstore. i sped to the post office and....

CHEY. not a single soul!!! YAY! i am first in line! *rubs hands in glee*

haha i was right after all in my deduction that singpost would have almost no queue! heehee. *pats myself on the head*

but of course it would have been pretty fun to bask in the excitement alongside other like-minded potter fans... imagine if i were at Borders or London! my god. the excitement must have been palpable! i could have dressed up as a witch to collect my book lor... that would really have been fun!

started reading at 7.20am i think, was sorely tempted to skip the gathering at guorui's house so that i can finish the book in peace! but alas, it would have been very rude of me. so i went! and brought my book along, and proceeded to be really anti-social at his house! (buried my nose in the book for two hours, not even bothering to eat lunch)

ah well, i did emerge after i begin to feel to anti- socialist. heh.

and so, after a fragmented 9 hrs read, i finally finished the book! it was wonderful! a befitting last book to a series of such wonderful stories.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!! THOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

i am really relieved that the trio of best friends remain alive! i would have been devastated if one of them didnt make it! i am sure legions of fans would be rioting in the streets right now lor, the book being the worldwide phenomenon it is!

its so sad that hedwig and dobby had to die. SIGH.

i wish J.K Rowling could have added even more suprises in the tricky relationship harry shares with his aunt's family! dudley was quite funny. hah never did think he would have it in him to miss harry!

the suspense and the many twists and turns and gazillion facts J.K Rowling threw at us really delights me! i feel like i am on a treasure hunt lor. although i feel abit lost sometimes, but i think it's great to discuss the story with other like-minded fans! so fun!

i wish the book was thicker. 607 pages only. abit disappointing considering the last three books were so fat!

i cant wait for the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they better do this book justice! even if it has to be a 4 hr movie!!!

ok. enough raving. i shall go read it a second time. heehee.

*maniac muggle fan*

reflections of a extremely stressed m5 student

2007-07-20T21:28:00.000+08:00

school is sooooo exhausting.
you can really tell yr 5 has started from the way students rush here and there to see as many patients as they can before they finally run home and start mugging feverishly. everyone is beginning to feel the stress! exams are less than 8 months away and there seems to be endless things to study (for me anyway! what i read leaks out really fast... must check the back of my head for a hole). SIGH! i feel S-T-U-P-I-D. nowhere near ready to start work as a houseman next yr. and there are as always the brilliant students who can ans every single ques! that's it, i am locking myself up at home to study. no more playing! dont wish to fail my final year!

paeds has been fun, the kiddies were really cute as usual! but the 7plus am to at least 6pm days were getting to me. feel like i can sleep for one whole week now. haha

there was a little boy in the wards that day that really left a huge impression on me, ying zhen his name was. he was two years all, and painfully thin for his age. he looks quite ill and malnourished. but yet i can see that his parents really dote on him. the first time i saw him, he was surrounded by medical students and really, he didnt seem cute at all. he was fretful and grouchy and was scrunching up his face.

i went to see him a second time with just one other person. it was then i realise what a sweet little kid he was! although he was weak and probably quite ill (had hepatosplenomegaly), his whole face lights up when he smiles, and your heart really just aches. he still can't talk and can walk a little with some help, so we were really delighted and proud of him when he was able to point out the correct body parts! and when he blew me a kiss (with my prompting of course) i had this sudden urge to protect him. really felt abit teary, cos it was unexpected that he understood and was able to blow me a kiss. its really sad that he was so weak, and the cause of it is still not known. i hope he will be well and healthy. at least he has parents who really love and care for him. its a small comfort i guess.

perhaps its because the paediatricians at nuh are all really smart, but this revision posting made me realise my inadequacy as a final year student. prof daniel goh was a really great tutor! very inspiring! and it was wonderful to watch how he interacts with the little kids! and our tutorial with prof yap really awed us... if we can just be half as good as her!

anyway, my two-week study break starts now. have to finish studying paeds and internal med! my internship starts in two weeks time! ARGHHHHHHHHHH. (i can just imagine myself being scolded by everyone from the nurse to the consultant. sheesh.)

nevermind. harry potter should give me strength. cant wait to dive into the book tmr! YAY!

07/07/07

2007-07-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

i love forrest gump.

never had the chance to watch it before, but have heard of its famous tagline since long long ago. and had felt that the tagline was indeed a very apt description of life indeed.

finally watched the show tonight, alone at home thanks to cheesie who remembered me saying i have yet to catch that show.

true, it doesnt have the gimmicky lighting and fantastic props and special effects of modern-day movies, but it has a heart that many movies fail to capture or incorporate.

i wonder if somewhere out there, there really is a kid like forrest gump, who is born special and somehow manages to go on and on and on, getting past all obstacles and finally making it good. i know it may sound far-fetched, but i like to think there is someone like that out there.

there is something about forrest gump, that is so real and frank that makes you feel like a jaded old cynic. what most people care about, like wealth and social standing and good looks, is the least worries for him. he knows what are the most important things in life, like kinship, family, friends, and being true to yourself. sure makes you wonder why you always dream of being a big star or making lots of money when you were young.

i wonder how many of us actually hug or tell our parents and siblings that we love them. or for once, even ask how their day was instead of misinterpreting their concern for ceaseless nagging.

and indeed, my life has been a chocolate box. like what sam-soon said in the korean show, i have had many bitter ones and i hope its all sweet ones left now! (this explains why i never particularly care for dark chocolates!)

see, i am growing old. growing all soppy over a movie!

went to attend the graduation ceremony of one of my bestest friends today. lihui graduated with honours today! looking at her, all grown-up and pretty and intellectual-looking in her graduation gown, i cant help but feel that we are all growing up too fast!

seems like only yesterday when this sporty girl was cheering me on at the OBS 5km run... haha. *nostalgic*

MuSic pLeasE

2007-06-30T10:51:00.000+08:00

"I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" - Scissor Sisters

Wake up in the morning with a head like ‘what ya done?’

This used to be the life but I don’t need another one.

You like cuttin’ up and carrying on, you wear them gowns.

So how come I feel so lonely when you’re up getting down?

So I'll play along when I hear that special song

I’m gonna be the one who gets it right.

You better move when you're swayin’ round the room

Look’s like magic’s only ours tonight

But I don’t feel like dancin’

When the old Joanna plays

My heart could take a chance

But my two feet can’t find a way

You'd think that I could muster up a little soft-shoe gentle sway

But I don’t feel like dancin’

No sir, no dancin’ today.

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

Even if i find nothin' better to do

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

Why’d you break it down when I’m not in the mood?

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

I'd rather be home with the one in the bed till dawn, with you,

Cities come and cities go just like the old empires

When all you do is change your clothes and call that versatile.

You got so many colours make a blind man so confused.

Then why can’t I keep up when you’re the only thing I lose?

So I’ll just pretend that I know which way to bend

And I’m gonna tell the whole world that you’re mine.

Just please understand, when I see you clap your hands

If you stick around I’m sure that you’ll be fine.

But I don’t feel like dancin’

When the old Joanna plays

My heart could take a chance

But my two feet can’t find a way

You'd think that I could muster up a little soft-shoe gentle sway

But I don’t feel like dancin’

No sir, no dancin’ today.

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

Even if i find nothin' better to do

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

Why’d you break it down when I’m not in the mood?

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

I'd rather be home with the one in the bed till dawn, with you,

You can’t make me dance around

But your two-step makes my chest pound.

Just lay me down as you float away into the shimmer light.

But I don’t feel like dancin’

When the old Joanna plays

My heart could take a chance

But my two feet can’t find a way

You'd think that I could muster up a little soft-shoe gentle sway

But I don’t feel like dancin’No sir, no dancin’ today.

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

Even if i find nothin' better to do

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

Why’d you break it down when I’m not in the mood?

Don’t feel like dancin’, dancin’

I'd rather be home with the one in the bed till dawn, with you

school has started! and i am feeling BLUE!!!

Hence the need for a perk-me-up song.

*blasts music*

YAY! haha funny how this song make u want to jump up and start dancing crazily when it states the opposite.

*dances out of the room*

back-to-school blues

2007-06-22T21:12:00.000+08:00

*WAILS*

it's just to cruel to whip me back to school after i had the most fantastic five weeks of my life!!!! i feel totally liberated and for the first time in my life i can hardly remember what medical school is about!!!!!

it's all about to end. *gasp*

ah well. it's amazing how travelling can make u a totally different person. i feel like i have taken coke (cocaine) can, i am like perpertually on a high! (even my msn mates have asked my why i am so high)

i feel like i have broadened my horizons alot these past weeks! i feel like a globetrotter! and it's sad that this is all in the past liao.... *sobs* byebye scotland, london, paris, perth!

ok. since my cannot-make-it computer totally swallowed and digested my pages-long essay about wonderful scotland, i can't possibly remember what i typed so many days ago. i shall try to dig out those fond memories.

SCOTLAND
this is a most wonderful stupendous country! i love everything about it! (ok minus the sandwiches URGH gross things) the people are just wonderful, so friendly and helpful and smiley!!! i think they must be the Western Land of Smiles... even smilier than the Thais! and thats saying something. i love the way i can walk along the streets and smile at strangers and not have them stare at me in bewilderment... it's wonderful how a smile from a stranger can make u feel right at home! and the grandpas and grannies oevr there are really very lovable... they love to tell jokes and sometimes i can't help but feel sad that so many old folks are staying alone. =(

the nurses in scotland are simply great! it's as if they grew up on sunshine, they are always so nice... even to lowly medical students like me! and they go out of their way to help, which is more than i can say for most nurses here who somehow treat us like roaches. beats me why. of course there are always the nice ones lah. but it's really a nice change especially when u are in a foreign land! gives my heart a warm fuzzy feeling. =P

and the doctors! it turned out that the people did not assign any tutors to me and i had to find one myself! what the (^%^$%#$!(!%^&*!%*!^!!! luckily i met the nicest doctor ever! dr chris! he's a life-saviour... and soooooooooo charming!!!!! absolutely adore him. haha too bad he's married. =P and he's probably hob-nobbing in the himalayas now!

i guess the most memorable thing would always be the fact that i actually drove my friends around in a foreign land! looking back it seems so easy-peasy, but i was really scared and sceptical that time! luckily yq is so grown-up and matter-of-fact about it all, that i somehow felt reassured. kudos to yq for taking over the manual car at times even though she drives an auto car! the girl has guts man! and to ht and yq for doing such a marvellous job manouvreing! and ahma for er singing her er nice oldies... and cheesie for her pda music! (which saved us from ahma... heehee *evil*)

i suppose the reason i love scotland so much is partly because we are living among the people instead of just zooming through... it's such a lovely quaint place, with its absolutely stunning olden age architeture and cobble-stoned streets! and a castle in the middle of the place! enchanting. and the apartment we rented had a fireplace! its like celebrating christmas everyday! i almost wanted to hang up some xmas stockings... haha and its super fun to have 6 girls living together under one roof! really got to know them very well... like

how ahma can eat and eat and eat and not get fat. oh and of cos, she's perverted. (but then it's a well-known fact! =P) i love taking "lesbian" fotos with her... bobby dont faint! i am not stealing your gf!

how cheesie can bathe for one hour and likes to sleep-talk ("it has 4 valves"... i think she's talking abt the heart)

how yiqing, despite being rich, likes to do things like wash dishes and cook...

how clara, whom i didnt know very well, is actually quite chatty and fun to be with and looks out for her friends!

how huiting.. er wait. i know her too well already. nothing more to discover. haha! my 17 years friend!

i adore my housemates. some of my best meals in scotland were cooked by them! if not i may have died. haah. sandwiches poisoning! i am severely allergic to sandwiches now.

and of course, the scenery in scotland is just breathtaking. its no wonder many great writers hail from europe! if i were immersed in this kind of mystical dreamy mountainous regions full of valleys and lakes, i can conjure up Harry Potter too! every turn in the road brings new surprises, new oooo and ahhhhs from us... and we saw two or three rainbows! and a double rainbow too! its hard to feel stressed up about life when you are surrounded by nature's wonders.

not forgetting the "Eaton"s we saw in Scotland... eaton= cute guys. haha not alot. but there were a few!

and urgh. i tried a minuscule bite of haggis. lets just say i am not a fan. *gargles mouth*

LONDON
to tell the truth, london was abit of a shock after nice, clean, organised, smiley scotland. as the train chugs towards london, we can feel the hostility in the passengers mounting and the friendliness fading away... mind you, i am not joking! it's almost like being in a totally different place! so it was not a great way to start learning about london. and the tube didnt make things better. sooooooooo many stairs!!!! i feel like i was living in king edward VII hall again! except this time i have 30kg +++ amount of luggage to carry around! *faint* i tell you i was totally bushed by the time we arrived at our hotel! and i wanted to cry. (i had biceps by the time i arrived back in singapore. this is how bad it is!)

london was fun in its own way... at least i enjoyed madame tussuads (ooo my will smith and captain jack sparrow) and the musical greatly! if i were a londoner i would go for a musical every week!!! its so enjoyable and the audience were so very appreciative! we watched Wicked, which is about the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz except its not the original story. loved it! it was extremely funny and the cast was fabulous!!! wouldnt mind paying more for front row seats! sigh.

ooo and of course we went cambridge to find cheehow!!! good old cheehow, who had to play boatman to us girls!!! YAY! thank god cheehow is strong! punting is such a popular thing over there, so the river (or whatever it is) is pretty crowded... i was the only hum chee one who couldnt stand up in the boat! yq n ht were scrambling around like hamsters lor. haha but well i did try to manouvre but since i was too hum chee to stand at the end of the baot i failed miserably. had a few collisions. ahah! sort of regret it now... but i may have fallen into the water if i did! nvm. too much for my weak heart!

ooo and we had a hall dinner! courtesy of yq's friend kezheng. it was a very nice hall! harry-potterish. charming! except the waiters were rude n like to whisk food off before you even finish it! i think i gave them a rude shock when i loudly proclaimed i wasnt done with my chicken when they made a grab for it! ahah =P

in london i had the best meal i have had for a loooooooong time! thanks to good old watson who brought us to this really really good chinese restaurant!!!!!! mmmmm. yummy!!!!! even though it was expensive by my standards, i think its worth the money! and considering it is london, its super cheap liao! its good to meet up with old friends man. and wats gave us a box of thorntons chocs! *weeps* too good to be true lor. THANKS WATS!!! the box saved our lives when we were too poor to eat! haha

and of course, london wont be complete without a trip to Harrods! the things are terribly ex! but i loved my krispy kreme! yummy!

PARIS
i finally understand whats all the fuss about when it comes to frenchmen. they are without a word perhaps the most charming men on earth! maybe it's their spontaneity and their roguish winks, but they just come across as ladies' men! i recall an incident when i was trying to take a photo of the Eiffel Tower and suddenly a head popped into my viewfinder! (a passing frenchman decided to take a running leap and with a great jump inserted his head into my field my vision). haha i was so tickled! very amusing actually! and of course, we met the most good-looking and charming waiter in the creperie near our hotel... sighs. dreamboat! and the salesman at the chocolat shop! *swoon*

i love paris for its crepes!!! yummy things. i can never have enough. i finally got my appetite back there! and oooooooo the pastries!!! i didnt have much room for food, but i did managed to try a palmier, a strawberry tart and a monsieur croquette (or something like that) and it was pure heaven. MMMMMMMMM. slurp.

highlight of the trip was surprisingly not the louvre or the notre dame or even the Eiffel.... it was....

LOUIS VUITTON!!!!

crazy!!! the people there bought LVs as if they were veggies!!! no need money one right... we only went in cos yq had to help her aunt buy a bag! and it was an eye-opener man! but thats also when i discovered the impeccable service is a facade. for more details ask ht. haha. but yar we felt really rich afterwards when we strolled down paris with a few LV bags! (i was scared of robbers actually!) and we went into all the branded stores! wheeeeee! rich man's life!

i think the Eiffel Tower is overhyped. but i did saw a marriage proposal!!!! eheheh which i felt was a must-see on my trip to the place of romance... but it was rather disappointing. too many people! i felt claustrophobic! especially since many tourists were rude and were shoving people away from the view. urgh.

PERTH
perth was a great trip, for the nice tour mates we had, and the great tourguide and bus-driver!

i quite love the farmstay.. was the first time i had a farm stay and wooohooo! an eye opener! saw a full arching rainbow right across the sky! and the ends of the rainbow were in sight too, near enough to touch! and the starry skies were something i want to remember forever. night-hunt was exciting! but not when i realised we were after rabbits. =( it was quite gruesome to watch, and i cant help feeling sorry for the rabbits. born at the wrong place, at the wrong time. sigh. although the kids were really excited about the skinning and the urgh nevermind. they even kept the rabbit tails. ew.

there were many many kids in this tour group! and they were really adorable! tingting, tongtong, gerald, jason, kevin, yexuan, yewen... haha. i quite feel like an oldie beside them! but its great when kids start telling u stories of their lives... they are just so guileless! and if i were much younger i would have gone after the boys... =P nope i am not paedophilic! i am ali baba to the kids.... and i think they were very tickled by it... ahah! still, only jason remembers the story about ali baba and the forty thieves! to tell the truth even i have forgotten the story. just went to popular to read it the other day again! hehe.

and of course not forgetting my poker-card mates! my sis, ivan, sebas, jon, zhihui! we played cards til 3 am on the day i was especially unlucky. keep losing at Old Maid! but was very touched when ivan completed my forfeit for me... yay! so rare to find such a gentlemanly and nice 17 year old! (sorry ivan i dont know anyone of your age to intro u to) hehee. really felt deliriously happy on this tour! hope that we would keep in touch man. our age range is from 13 to 26. hahaha! although i must say sebas and zhihui are simply too tallllllllll for their ages!!! and i absolutely thought zhihui was abit older, cos she looked so well-dressed and nice! and ooo nice dimples too! =D (scandal btw zhihui and sebas, which we cooked up. poor zhihui =P)

oooo and i love sandboarding! almost didnt go cos on my suay day my sunglasses broke for no reason and the sand was absolutely blowing in all directions! was scared of mum scolding me if sand gets into my eyes... so was watching my sis and the rest sandboarding and feeling quite left out! my fault lah, but didnt want to accept jon's offer to lend me his sunglasses, it would be bad if other ppl got sand in their eyes! (i tell you, the people in my group are too nice to be true man) in the end... i bravely went! without any glasses! ahah. mz thank desmond my tourguide for urging me to go. shiok man! so exciting! wished i could have done it a few more times! ahah=P and i realised u must start doing this kind of exciting things when u are young, once u age (like me!!!) its hard to be brave liao. advice to all daddies and mummies: let ur kids try EVERYTHING.

and so, my holidays have come to an end. 5th year is starting! i have to pull up my socks and get down to some serious mugging now. argh!!! reality! hurts man.

fond memories of perth

2007-06-21T16:12:00.000+08:00

i am back from perth!!!

it's pretty fun to visit so many countries in one shot. shiok. haha but well i am absolutely tired. hols are ending!!!! ARGH.

it has been a good trip, thanks to the many lovely beings who were in my tour group... so many kiddies! and its a real ruckus when they all start jabbering together, each saying their own things!!! kids would be kids.... *fondly*

and my conclusion for this trip is: the eiffel tower is overhyped. please dont propose there! its soooooooooo NOT romantic!

it is so much more romantic just staring at an inky sky full of twinkling stars, with the milky way just coursing through the wide endless expanse, when the darkness surrounds you so totally that you feel all alone in the world. it's times like this when i wish i have a boyfriend.... *dreamy*

end of 2nd week in edinburgh

2007-05-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

whoa! time sure flies! end of my second wk, and i am beginning to feel right at home in edinburgh. i can hop onto buses by myself, walk to western general hospital by myself, and i can even go home and unlock the 3 irritating doors myself! heck, i guess i can even stroll along princes street (that's like our orchard road) myself!

it has been an exciting two days. yesterday, i wore knee-high boots for the first time in my life and i felt exhilarated! thus the fulfillment of a childhood dream to hobnob around a cold country in stylish boots. heehee *beams* i wonder if i would get a heatstroke if i wear boots in singapore! anyway, have decided to wear them (else i wont be getting enough out of my boots!) have made a pact with ahma to have a puss-in-boots ktv day! YAHOO! huiting wants boots too! but she wants them to have very high heels. ooooooo *wolf-whistle*

we went to rosslyn chapel yesterday armed with a da vinci code book! haha hilarious. so we posed for pictures with the book! it was quite far from the heart of the city and i was feeling carsick! but it was worth the trip after all! it was really a quiant little place, and as my malaysian friend who studies here put it, its the size of a small bungalow. but the carvings were so intricate! at every nook and cranny of the place, you would see vastly different designs and the occasional spooky faces... the chapel has soooooooooooooooo many stories and mysteries surrounding it! as told to us, there were many masons working on the chapel in the 15th century, and there were two pillars which needed carving. the stonemason had already finished one (the Mason's Pillar), and decided to travel abroad to seek inspiration for the other pillar. while he was gone, his apprentice had a dream and was inspired to carve the second pillar. when the master mason returned, he was so full of jealousy and rage about his apprentice's doings that he struck him across the forehead with his mallet, killing the apprentice on the spot. the mason as subsequently executed. in the two corners of the chapel, if you look closely enough, you can see two faces: one of the apprentice (with a huge scar just above his right eyebrow) and one of the mason. the interesting thing is that the mason's face is carved at the corner where he would be forced to look in the direction of the Apprentice Pillar for the rest of his life! cool!

there is also a vault beneath the chapel, which no one has been able to access for the past 250 years. it was rumoured to contain many treasures, among them the holy grail and the bodies of 12 Knights Templar... etc...

among the intricate carvings of the chapel, there include carvings of maize and aloe vera. what is interesting is that these exotic plants hail from America, and America was supposedly founded by Colombus after the chapel has been built. there have been theories that the Knights Templar went to America far before Colombus "founded" the land!

another interesting story was regarding the scottish king, Robert Bruce. He was on great terms with the St Clairs, who were the people who commissioned Rosslyn Chapel. however, due to some reasons which i did not catch, he was excommunicated by the church (have no idea what that means) and he was extremely afraid that he would not be able to enter heaven. hence, he gave instructions that upon his death, his heart was to be transported to the holy land Jerusalem so that he can ascend to heaven. St Clair's two sons were among those chosen to embark on the mission. however, as they were journeying across Spain, they were ambushed and many Knights Templar perished in the fight that ensued. in the end, out of respect for the courage of the Knights Templar, Robert Bruce's heart was allowed to be brought back to Scotland where it was placed at the borders. (sigh, poor guy. his heart didnt make it after all).

oooo. by the way, Knights Templars were "warrior monks" who seek to protect the pilgrims.

thats all i can remember for the moment! no time to type liao, huiting waiting for me to go shopping. ahah

oooo. and i am happy today! although my tutor is still on holiday, i met a really nice doctor who brought me to see a patient with him (this is the second time he kindly adopted me voluntarily!) yay! thanks dr chris! we saw a very interesting patient who had some great signs like Hoffman's reflex. he was a very nice gentleman... hope he gets well soon!!!! i think i am going to try to superglue myself to dr chris next week. haha. hopefully i he wont hate me! hehe. next week is going to be really busy! no more local students, so i have free rein of ALL the clinics! finally can go clinics! mz chiong ah! *warrior look*

ooo i like dr lizzie too! i think she the only dr who can remember and pronounce my name. ahhaha! shes so nice. i want to leave my prawn rolls for her. =)))))))0

and pighead sister: stop insulting my blog! i shant buy anythg for u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAH. neni neni poo poo.

hey louis! i dont think we can go york! =((((((((((( no more time! this wkend gg on a one day highland tour, then we gg to tour edinburgh itself on sunday! next wkend we would be gone, off to london! sigh. i feel a sense of regret. heard york is nice!!!!!! shucks.

oh yes, the last exciting thg today: huiting locked herself out of the flat. ahah. i had to go back home to rescue her! poor girl. she was standing in between two doors with no specs on... scary!

2007-05-24T07:30:00.000+08:00

its sweltering hot in here. (no i dont mean edinburgh, i mean the computer lounge). as it is such a cold place most times of the year, naturally there is no air-conditioning or even any form of ventilation in the rooms! *argh*

but yea, i should not complain rite. aye, i know i know. (aye = yes) heehee

its wednesday and i still have whole-body aches! i think i am far too old to go on long distance driving! but whoa, do we not feel proud of ourselves! on 19th may at exactly 12pm, 5 singaporean girls embark on their first ever overseas road-trip! in a MANUAL car. omigosh. and taadaa! the main driver is non other than me! (since i am the only person to drive a manual car back at home!) and my honorary co-pilot is of course miss huang yiqing, who has had years of driving experience... =P

thinking back it was quite amazing how the girls had the courage to embark on such a trip. thanks to huiting's uncle and aunt who convinced us it would have been a wasted trip if we did not visit the scottish highlands! and hence the girls convinced the ultra cowardly me that i can do it. and once we put our hearts down to it it wasnt so bad after all! congratulations to huiting and yiqing for doing such a marvellous job of navigating that we did not get lost. at all. amazing isnt it! and so we drive past lovely mossy mountains, picturesque cobblestoned cottages that looked straight out of a storybook, never-ending fields dotted with grazing sheep, cattle, horses and the occasional pigs, sunshine-yellow fields of daffodils dancing merrily in the wind,and journeyed with snow-white seagulls (i think) soaring above us... it was a fantastic feeling! we covered close to 500 miles within 1.5 days! that is like 800km i think. i think we felt really grown up during the road trip (and i probably grew another bunch of white hairs trying to drive through the scary narrow roads and hiding from parking officers). hah.

cheesie was the DJ, and music was the likes of Lee Hom and Stephanie Sun... and of course not forgetting Ahma, who was the backup singer when the music is off. haah! she was the entertainer in short (though we hastily tried to get cheesie to play some more music whenever she starts on her mushy oldies...)

so i would say, this is a trip i would never forget in my life! i totally adore scotland; it's beautiful, clean, nice weather (when you are not freezing your butt off), great folks! the youngsters actually give up seats to the elderly here! WOW! and the local lothian buses are wheelchair-friendly! and when you walk along the streets people actually smile at you and you naturally smile right back! (quite a strak contrast to singapore when you would either put on "mask-like facoes" or you pretend that the floor is simply fascinating! ok not that i hate my country, but i think its lovely the way scottish behave... =D

in short, i love the people, place, shopping, scenery, but i hate the foood. no more ham and cheese sandwiches please! gonna regurgitate soon. URGH.

for photos and more updates, please refer to http://www.ahham.blogspot.com
huiting's blog with lots of pics!!!

edinburghrrrrrrrrrr

2007-05-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

hello hello!!!!

welcome to edinbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (coined by miss huang yiqing, and for good reasons too!)

YAY!!!! we survived our crazy 13++ and 1hr++ international and domestic flights to edinburgh!!!!!! firstly, want to thk my family for all their love and support (and help during packing). secondly, thx TXL for sending us off at the airport on your birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its been an interesting 4 days! it was dreadfully cold, such that u shudder like a leave and breathe "smoke" like a chimney (air too cold that's why). u wrap urself up like a bak zhang (dumpling) and look totally fat and grotesque only to find u still cant stop shivering. and yet the locals traipse by as if it was a warm summer day!!! outrageous!

to my utmost horror, instead of finding myself penny-pinching, i went crazy shopping. for food that is. everything looks so cheap! (cos after awhile you forget to convert everythg into sing dollars). one flake chocolate: 25 pence. OMG!!!!! can u imagine how can anyone stay slim living in UK? impossible! i salute them man. i know i won't last long. prob would have blocked coronary arteries and every other vessel by the time i am 10. and the variety of frozen dinners was simply shocking! but i think my new-found malaysian friend says it well: food in UK sucks. haha. lunch consists of sandwiches... and salads... thats what most people sustain on i think! i cant survive! i am thinking of my piping hot home-cooked food... yum. lets just hope i dont switch to a full-choc diet when i finally cant stand another sandwich anymore.

and shopping! wow! glasgow is shopping heaven! i think all shopaholics should go to glasgow, its definitely a dream come true! its cheap and nice in the shopping centres! their sales are not pseudo-sales, its really cheap. the end-result: 6 extremely broke girls. haha =P luckily their shops close at 5 or 6pm, and we were thrown out into the streets! think of how much damage we would have done to our wallets if we stayed there for one whole day instead of the mere 2.5 hours.... *shudder*

if i have a choice, i think i would spend on shopping then food. its not worth it. i had my first taste of haggis! hmm. but truth be told, i was so humchee i only had one cubic millimetre of haggis. haha and i dont love it. the girls are going to source for the really good haggis though! eeew.

ah ok. i should slack off now. bye folks! yawn.

why did the blog website become so confusing.

2007-05-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

hello hello!
wow. a whole new yr and yet i have yet to blog. how incredibly long a time it has been! ah well, what with the electrical appliances in my house lining up to break down before the rise of GST, its little wonder my old computer decided to join in the fracas. all well now! new comp, new screen, yummy!!!

hmm its been rather an exciting half yr! Obstetrics n Gynae posting was really kind of fun! even though it was super xiong! delivering babies was a v unique experience... somehow i seem to have an affinity with malay mums, and FWAH, they really have my respect! they refused epidural, and one of them was so serene throughout! and the husband-wife rapport was out in full force... i am really grateful they let me share their special moment. =P and the babies were soooooooooooo very cute! (but of course watching too much of deliveries may make u think twice abt giving birth... at least no guys fainted as far as i know... ahah)

and i totally adore my tutor! dr citra was v inspiring, she seems to know everythg! i think having good tutors somehow make you a more enthusiastic student. and i met a very interesting tutor during my posting, dr stephen! was telling me abt how he and his wife share a love of cooking, and they had managed to make mushroom soups that were tastier than the restaurants! too bad i cant rem what he said abt the secret to gd home-made mushroom soup. alas. but if i ever see him again, i really would like to say a big thank you to him! i appreciate his blunt honesty, although it came as a bit of a shock to hear him telling me i have really bad acne and i should seek treatment. THANK YOU! his words kind of woke me up, and i realised what my prof has been giving me isnt that great for acne. so here i am, 5 months later, enjoying my life much more now that my skin is more normal. i no longer hate my steroids so much anyway. heh. hmm i didnt even realised that i have been avoiding the world for the first six months since treatment due to my acne prob. i guess it really made me feel ashamed. i only want to avoid being under scrutiny. at least i am confident enough to venture out again. ahhh. new lease of life! =)))

i can feel a kind of nervous energy building up in me. 5 days to UK!!! ARGHHHH!!!! my first time in europe! and i am flying off with huiting, her first time there too! doesnt help that we heard so many stories of thugs especially in london paris. pls, let us be safe. but i am really looking forward to seeing the buildings and scenery! and the CASTLES! *swoon* and men in kilts! shld b interesting! and rosslyn chapel! (i am trying to re-read my da vinci code) no way am i going to eat haggis though. it sounds absolutely revolting. urgh. i dont even eat organs lor. the louvre! madame tussauds! london eye! champs elysees! eiffel tower! everythg i have ever read abt would become very real... *hops around*

i do wonder however, if i can sustain on sandwiches and maggi mee for 4 whole wks. i may bcm stark raving mad. no daily choc fix smmore. help. maye i can forage in the dustbins for some leftovers... anyone wants to contirbute to "save huili fund"? ooooooo. clever ahma actually smuggled bak kwa over!!! my idol! but she finished it liao. none left for me when i reach. *grouch*

i hope i have some money left to shop. harrods! hmm. i think supermarkets would be one of my fav haunts. shld be able to find some pretty interesting chocs there. eheh.

4 weeks away from home. have never spent so much time away from home (and family!!!) before! 2 weeks in myanmar was enough to make me homesick. but at least we had leaders to take care of us then. now its js us! argh. frightening. i guess its going to be a period of growing-up for me. =(((

am going to miss the openings of so many gd movies! pls friends, wait for me to catch them! lh!!? haha. shrek3, pirates of the caribbean. lucky harry potter opens in july.

alritey! i suppose i better go read neuro. my prof in edin is some bigshot in neuro i think. haha cannot dui lian! i hope i can understand their accent. ahma is not having much luck the last i heard. =P

so long folks! may i come back stick-thin! *grin*

i don't need this.

2006-08-22T17:57:00.000+08:00

I am 22 years old, just 5 months shy of turning 23. I do believe I am an adult who is perfectly capable of prioritizing what little things I can do with my time. I do not believe in going out on weekdays to far-off places which would tire me out such that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate in school, especially not to places where I know my friends would probably be eating things that I do not eat. And I believe it is even more so important now that my doctor has specifically advised me to rest when I am tired.

I do not believe in going for outings just for the sake of making up the numbers. If there’s a celebration, anything special, I would make the extra effort. But if it’s an outing and no one will be worse just because I am too tired to go, I don’t see why I can’t say no. I believe the purpose in going for outings is just so that one can catch up with friends and laugh and generally be happy. I don’t see that happening if I am too tired to even make small talk.

My goals in life now are very simple.

I am aiming towards a lower dosage and less side effects, which translates to doing exactly what the doctor ordered. If I am tired, fine I sleep even if I can’t finish studying for my test next day. Nothing to me is more important to me than my health. And this also means taking responsibility for my own well-being and knowing when to reject outings and when to stay at home and rest even of it’s the only weekend available to play. These are the sacrifices I am making, for myself, so I have no idea why other people can find fault with it.

I also want to be able to keep up with my schoolwork. I have seldom gone out on a weekday because the “good student” gene in me wants to be fresh for lessons tomorrow. More so now that I know there may be days when I am too tired to study, and now that I realized life is too short to study half-heartedly and be a so-so doctor.

I want to spend enough time with my family, since my sister is home for maybe 6 hrs a day (which she spent sleeping anyway). I think depression is what would be the end-result of not having both your grown-up kids around.

I want people around me to understand, especially those whom I am close to, that what kind of person I am has always been just so. When I say that I don’t wish to go out to certain places because I do not know the way, this is exactly what I mean. I am not using it as an excuse not to go for outings, but of course others are entitled to think as they please. I have always been like that, this is a trait of mine that is going to be with me as long as I breathe. I can’t prevent others from scoffing at me or rolling their eyes and thinking this is such a lame excuse. Think what you want. This is something I have said to every single person, I can swear on my conscience. If it niggles at you so much, find another friend who is road-smart and don’t mind getting lost. Sure, I can take the MRT, as someone said, like I used to. Not when it’s a weekday, when I am tired, when I am going somewhere which I don’t eat the majority of the food, and when truthfully saying I don’t feel half as close to more than half the guys anymore. I have been going for outings, just not every single one. I believe that’s acceptable, even among best friends.

I know that some people have different personalities and priorities from me. I just ask of them not to foist their own thinking and beliefs onto me. I believe I know what is best for myself, having been making decisions for myself since I was young. I believe I accord the same kind of respect to my friends when they tell me why they can’t go for outings, and never have I given them an ultimatum where by either they go, or I won’t even bother informing them again. I think these friends should think about once-upon-a-time when they make the same excuses not to go for numerous outings, and I have never once given them grief over it. Just because you are dying to meet the rest, does not mean that this applies to me. In fact, the only reason that I even turn up for some outings may be you, don’t give me reason not to go anymore.

Truth be told, I have enough on my mind trying to juggle everything life has dealt me without having to shed tears for little silly things like that. I am quite quite tired and I think I have about enough lately. If people cannot see things from my point of view, maybe I should just shrug it off next time instead of taking it to heart. But taking it to heart means I care. So maybe everyone should think twice about making remarks to their close friends without knowing the cold hard facts. And I think it’s the normal response for friends to reject going out with a couple because they wouldn’t want to feel like they are a sore thumb, and because they are not sure if the couple was just being polite.

crummy day

2006-07-29T23:56:00.000+08:00

It’s funny how things can change from second to second. I am frustrated with myself, angry even at how bad I am handling things. Maybe this is just not a good day but I think I should stop kidding myself. There haven’t been any good days for a long long while.

My mood is an emotional roller-coaster and I mean it literally. Blame it on the disease, blame it on the drugs. Whatever. Every single little harmless thing can become lost in transmission in my brain and be interpreted the wrong way totally. I am just an ultra sensitive machine now ever ready to pick up any slight directed at me.

Mind’s in a swirl.

How can I deal with everything? Sometimes I can, and I feel real good about it. I feel super-womanish. And some days I just wish I can chuck my meds into the bin and shout some really nasty expletives at them. And some days I just feel so sorry for myself and I really really wish to talk to someone only to find my mind in a blank.

Not that I don’t have friends who are willing to listen. But perhaps the innate “don’t hurt thy friend” mechanism always kick in, such that when I wish to share the horrible side effects I am experiencing with you, you can only offer a hurried no lah where got don’t worry!

You just shut a door in my face. With a resounding slam.

And you as good as say it to my face that I am paranoid.

Which makes me feel really really pissed off and just don’t wish to unburden myself to you anymore.

So far only one brave honest soul has told me I got acne. Thanks pal. It feels comforting that someone acknowledges the truth.

And my whole outlook of life has changed.

I can feel the mean streak surfacing ever so often, as I scorn at the weird things people do.

For example. If you have a known problem of runny nose in the morning why is it that for years you never did bother to carry a single piece of tissue with you? Mind you, I don’t mind providing the occasional tissue when you run out of yours, but I don’t see why the heck people just don’t bother and they expect other people to provide them with years-long supply of tissues. The tissues in my bag are always mysteriously whittled away when I hardly get the flu these days. And most annoyingly their need for tissues occur at the most inconvenient times when you are hurriedly scribbling notes and your bag is FAR away and they think nothing of asking you for tissues everyday.

I know I am petty. Bear with me. I need to be catty today. It’s rather therapeutic.

I feel like I am losing control over my mood. One minute happy as a lark, the next feeling all teary for weird weird reasons. The worst thing is nobody really understands why you are feeling this way, and it’s not like they are going to give you much leeway and conclude its all part of the side-effects or whatever. But you know what? I can’t be bothered at this point in time. Let them think what they want. I don’t have to be smiling all the time. I am not a mask. If my sudden subdued behaviour at social gatherings discomfort people, hey just don’t invite me next time.

Its so confusing. Wanting people to understand, but not wanting to explain. Wanting comfort from them, but fear that you get pity instead. Wanting them to tell you that yes you are not imagining the side effects, yet wanting them to hide the truth from you.

And I wonder if my brain is undergoing atrophy too. I can’t seem to retain info as well as before. Or perhaps it’s the power of suggestion.

Popping 7 pills a day is making me gag.

I can’t eat dirty food or food that isn’t well-cooked anymore. Diarrhea will find me.

I can’t go out in the sun.

I can’t run.

I can’t dye my hair.

I can’t help feeling hungry all the time.

I can’t help feeling too exhausted to do anything at times.

I can’t help not going out with my friends sometimes, I am ordered to rest when I am tired. Or risk a flare.

I can’t help blowing my fuse at times, it seems to be getting worse.

I wish I understand how to achieve the “don’t give yourself any stress” part which the doctor has ordered. Drop out of school maybe?

I wonder if I can survive the final MBBS without having a severe disease flare brought on by stress.

being "sick"

2006-05-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

You know how you always feel as though the Fates have been too kind to you and then you keep expecting this good luck to come to an end? And yet somehow when it really does screech to a sudden halt it leaves you reeling in shock and wondering if you can handle it. That seems to describe aptly how I feel these days.

I have always thought that I have a good life, you know the usual my parents-love-me-my-sister-and-i-are-great-pals-who-have-enough-$-to-be-comfortable-i-get-good-enough-grades-and-fabulous-friends kind of life. And maybe sometimes I do wonder if I deserve it (being Capricorn seems to mean that I am a devout pessimist) but of course, no complaints for having an easy life.

So of course the long-standing arthralgia which to date has lasted for 6 months and 10 days seem just like a stroke of bad luck. Even though I have been shunted from one doctor to another it doesn’t seem to warrant much worry. I mean, its not like one can’t get a bad sprain which takes months to heal anyway.

So when the “insect-bites” start to proliferate and take over my entire legs I was thinking, oh hey, what bad luck. Such ugly mosquito bites! And then simply shove the matter into the back of my mind. It helped that my sports medicine doctor seems to agree that they were innocent mosquito bites too. But of course, it got more worrying for the vainpot in me when it didn’t go away after 2-3 months. It was disfiguring! You can hardly blame a girl for wanting unblemished legs. It’s bad enough to have fat legs without having weird marks on them too.

When the hair loss came on, I was horrified. In the my-goodness-what-a-young-age-to-drop-hair-i-arent-even-attached-yet kind of way. Yep, purely vanity. And I thought it was probably due to exam stress, even though I never did experience hair loss of such great proportions before.

The arthralgia seems here to stay. Enter good friends rashes and hair loss. And so I casually consulted my teacher after the family medicine end-of-posting-test to see if the rash was something to worry about.

It’s the last thing on my mind to be told it seems to be this thing called erythema nodosum. Of course I was scared. I was a medical student who had vaguely heard of this big term and yet can’t remember if it’s something to worry about or not! And yet having the rash branded seems to mean that something was wrong. Being referred to the rheumatologist only seem to shout out to me that all may not be well.

I still harbour the hope that everything is coincidental.

And now it seems like maybe that’s too much to hope for. I got my test results one week ago and it showed increased levels of ESR, CRP, rheumatoid factor, ANA, pANCA. Now before you jump to conclusions let’s just say that ANA does not equal SLE. At least that’s what my doctor told me. And hooray, SLE usually does not present with increased CRP and patients usually have lymphopenia which I don’t. small comfort eh? Maybe I am grabbing at straws, or maybe she was being kind and trying not to frighten me, but yep I heard enough and I am frightened enough.

I realized it’s very surreal, to look on when patients are told that they have certain diseases and when a role reversal puts you into the hot seat instead. It’s a terrible terrible feeling. No amount of empathy you have for a patient can prepare you for the day when you yourself become the patient. ESPECIALLY if you are a medical student with enough knowledge to recognize the repercussions of certain markers.

A lot of things just seem to flash past my mind. It’s all rather melodrama, even to me it seems very extreme. But suddenly, I just felt as though I am no longer normal. How am I going to pay for everything? Am I going to be able to finish my studies? Am I going to be well enough to take care of my parents? Is this going to be an added financial stress to them? Is it fair for them to pay for my extremely expensive studies when I can’t be sure I can go on to be a doctor? Do I even think I should get married and saddle my husband with a burden? What about my kids? Would I pass this thing to them? Would I have to grow old alone because I would be balding and walking around with ugly legs and would be fat from steroids hence no one would want me? Would I have to wear a wig? What are the treatments that may help my hair loss? Would my friends laugh at my thinning pate? How am I going to face the world with no hair?

Very stupid thought I know. It sounds extremely stupid just writing them down. But these are really the fears that come uppermost to my mind. It’s weird I know, to be so pessimistic when I haven’t been diagnosed yet. These are but the preliminary results what, some may say. But it’s really different being The One with abnormal test results. A doctor I saw at the skin centre who biopsied my rash told me straight in the face: your results doesn’t look too good.

Frankly, I prefer the way he speaks to me, very matter-of-factly and yet not treating me as if I was a fragile porcelain figurine, still joking and poking fun at me as if I was just another normal person. It exacerbates the sense of impending doom when patients get the feeling you are being extra nice and soft-footing around us so that you would be seen as being empathetic and nice. It just adds to the feeling of hopelessness.

My encounter with the rheumatologist started but 3 weeks ago. I have been poked countless times for countless tubes of blood, did 2 urine tests, had weird antibodies-tests done and even what cryoglobulin what-nots done, had biopsy (it was darn painful and horrible) and have been started on steroids. In summary, I feel like a sick person. Yet the ironic thing is that have I not approach my teacher, I could have gone on living my old life happy as a lark, with the occasional fretting about my hair loss and ugly legs. The psychological impact of branding is great. Its makes you blue, roller-coaster between trying to feel brave and strong and wanting to break down and cry for all the uncertainties that now lie ahead. There are times I just feel so angry, then times I feel so guilty for making my family worry and having to fork out so much money for all the tests (for your information I have paid about $1000 just for my 2 visits to the rheumatologist and 1 visit to the skin centre. This is excluding the $800 or so my parents paid for acupuncture, bone-scan etc for my arthralgia). And then I feel so frustrated that I am paying for all the investigations as an A-class patient, since I was referred directly from a doctor. This arrangement stinks big time. And I can’t even downgrade ‘cos my dad’s salary is deemed “too high”. Hello… something is seriously wrong with this arrangement. My family is nowhere near rich. Middle-class families can’t afford to pay $1000 plus a month for medical treatment ok… (I have this sudden urge to write to my MP).

So now I wait. Please don’t feel sad or sorry for me. It would only make me feel worse. But please do pray for me. I hope it’s nothing serious after all. I don’t enjoy the idea of life-long steroids making me fat and alopecia necessitating a wig. *shudder* but of course I don’t think I can be brave all the time so bear with me if I need to whine and wail once in a while.

I wonder how these extraordinary people in the news do it. battling diseases far worst than mine, being brave, getting on with life, calmly accepting their fate, living life just as they have always wanted. I wish I can borrow a little of their spunk.

And please, if you don’t know me well and happen to read this because you are bored, don’t go spread the news as if it were some juicy gossip. I am writing this because I need an outlet. And I need to write it on one of those days when I feel rather calm and collected. So that I can put things into perspective for myself.

2006-05-04T22:50:00.000+08:00

Yes, it is a weekday. Yes I am really tired and I need to reach the hospital by 7am tomorrow which means I have to wake up at 6. yes I am still sick and flu-ey and feverish but lo and behold! Here I am am blogging again!

Ah well. Never did mean to blog today. But the events that unfolded today made me want to blog.

My surgical electives started almost 3 weeks ago. It was of course a rather interesting experience to follow a new team of doctors which were previously strangers to us all, and we all took some time to settle down. And yet, what strikes me was how these surgeons can work tirelessly around the clock and yet remain smiling, calm and considerate towards their charges.

You see, my previous surgical posting had given me the false impression that all surgeons can scoot off home at 5 pm and hey! I thought that wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe ‘cos SGH is definitely one of the busiest hospitals around, but the number of surgeries scheduled are crazy. I really have no idea how the surgeons can simply stand at the operating table for endless hours, without so much as the occasional toilet-break and a rushed gobble-everything-within-ten-seconds lunch. A peritonectomy can lasts for as long as 12 hours. And yet it may not be the only operation scheduled.

Contrary to popular layman’s beliefs (which was mine too a long time ago) that surgeons recommend operations so that they earn more moolah, these people show me the different side of the coin. They squeeze patients in for operations, at their own expense of rest and an easier life, because it is the best thing to do for them. Patients who have been misled by rogue doctors into trying alternative medicine who only visit the clinic when their cancer have spread, worried family members who take a long time to deliberate over safety and cost issues… these are the people we see everyday. And knowing there isn’t a moment to lose, the surgeons do the only thing they know they can: operate as soon as possible.

I remember my first day of electives. Having heard rumours that elective postings are slack, I sort of expected myself to be comfortably perched on my sofa lazing the afternoon away by 5pm the LATEST. To my horror, I only left the hospital at 7.30pm. more than 12 hours spent in the hospital. And this is just yet another day in the life of these surgeons. I remembered I was soooooooooooooo exhausted that I could hardly bear to wolf down my dinner. I almost didn’t want to bathe. (ALMOST. But I did anyway. Hah)

But I learnt a lot. Maybe not so much in terms of knowledge and those regurgitable textbook info we always have to bash our heads to remember by heart, but it was awe-inspiring tagging behind these surgeons.

We were attached to Prof Soo Khee Chee, as he had been highly recommended by our classmates who had been taught by him. He was gruff but very lovable in his own way. Of course, he was too busy to really meet us much but he is such a good doctor that you can’t help but wish you would grow up to be like this too. When we presented our first case to him in tutorial, he listened and then proceeded to give us a illuminating tutorial. At the end of the session, he concluded that the patient “had cancer of the pancreas, probably in the body of the pancreas.”

We were totally stunned. Five heads whipped up simultaneously, five wide-eyed gazes torn from our feverish scribbling to look at him, gape-mouthed. Never ever had I seen a doctor who can localize the lesion just from the history alone, with no prior knowledge of him and without ever setting eyes on him.

If I ever had any problems (choy! Touchwood!!!!) he would be the surgeon I know I would be safe with.

And our main tutor Mr Tan Hiang Khoon was another awe-inspiring surgeon. Mind you, we didn’t get his jokes earlier on and it took us some time to adjust to his mode. Haha but he’s really nice and lots of fun. Always treating us to drinks, and blatantly calling us sticky students who always seemed to be hot on his heels. (can’t blame him, we are REALLY practically glued to his back. Almost followed him to the Gents once, hahah) I guess he must be pretty “scared” of us, the way we follow him around, 5 in a row.

What strikes us the most is his rapport with his patients. The young the old the ladies and the gentlemen all seem to like him immensely. He is the kind of doctor one would be very comfortable seeing. And of course, we liked him a lot too! Especially after today (where he lambasted us for being apathetic young voters who don’t care two hoots about the elections— we like him cos we are sadistic I guess) and also waxed lyrical about Chinese poems and even sang them to us.

FWAH. Impressive man!

And Ah Ma secretly recorded down his singing for “future refences”. *grinz* read: blackmail. Ahahaha

And now my respect for him has grown hundredfold after chancing upon an article which made me realize that Mr Tan is none other than the chairman of the Children’s Cancer Foundation! Despite the heavy workload, a wife to accompany, he still had the time to contribute to these poor little kids. It’s really incredible. I have always respected doctors who really genuinely seem to care. And he seems to be just one of them.

It is because of fine surgeons like those I have met in AH and now in SGH that really draws me to surgery. Although I highly doubt I am cut-out to be a surgeon, it’s still very encouraging to have tutors who inspire me and show me how it can all be done. If only the electives were longer. *gloom*

P.S: thanks to Miss Alice Bennett for your nice comment! Although I can’t find it anywhere on my blog currently… =)

thoughts

2006-04-13T21:43:00.000+08:00

The frailty of life seems so real. It seems like many events lately have been alerting me to this.

Family medicine posting was in more ways than one an enriching one. To be honest, it has always seem a little ego-bashing to become a GP or polyclinic doctor, as the elitist school of thought was that not specializing hints of your own lack of intelligence.

Somehow though, a mere two weeks spent in Bukit Merah polyclinic not only made me respect these family medicine doctors a lot, it makes me aspire to become just like them.

You see, these doctors are genuinely nice people. They care! And their knowledge is immense. Never mind that they chose not to trod the more glamourous path of “specialist” training in hospitals, they are masters of their own field. And who says they aren’t specialists? Many of them hold a Masters in Family Medicine, a degree that I didn’t even know exists.

I have had wonderful experiences there… the doctors were wonderful and great to learn from; enthusiastic, interesting, easy-going, humorous. I especially liked Dr Sally Ho, Dr Ng Chong Sien and Dr Gilbert Tan. Heh that makes three out of four doctors who took me for class! Ah well. The last one shall remain Unmentionable. *shudder*

Domiciliary care posting was a sobering experience. There was a home-visit where the staff nurse brought me to see a 16 year-old girl who had cerebral palsy. Maybe it was ‘cos of my past encounter with Zahid who had cerebral palsy too but was thriving in his own way, and all those happy kids that zhengyi played with who seemed so normal, I was quite unprepared for what met me.

She was painfully thin. And what strikes me most was how forlorn, how sad, how trapped she looked.

Her name is Li Wei, and she is 16 years old. While the rest of her peers are in the prime of their life, attending school, grousing about the endless schoolwork and the stress of exams, sun-tanning themselves at the beach and hanging out with friends, falling in and out of love, there she lies.

She has a frame comparable to that of a malnourished 6 year old. She was pale, and her hair looks like it was shaved off. Which it probably was, since she had to undergo an operation for hydrocephalus. An ungainly scar sticks out like a sore thumb on her scalp, looking angry and crusted.

Her mother, a kindly-looking lady with frazzled hair and a ready smile, bustled around as we entered the flat. To transport Li Wei to the living room, she gently placed the girl on an old-fashioned pram. A pram custom-made for toddlers, and yet still looked much too big for Li Wei. There was no other word for it, she was skeletally thin. She must not have weighed more than 30kg. She looks at us, the only acknowledgement that we received. Wordlessly, her eyes glinted with unshed tears as the nurse proceeded to change her feeding tube.
“Yes, that’s right Li Wei! Swallow! Ahh, good!” the nurse cooed and made encouraging noises.

My mind was racing. However does any human being endure such pain? From birth, she did not have a chance of leading a normal life. For 16 years she had lain, alone in a big empty bed, cared for by her aging parents and older brothers who do not earn much in days when they are employed.

I wonder, if she can talk, what would she say? How lonely it must be each day, to stare at the sunbeams through the open window, longing and wondering what the world is like. To not attend school, make friends, eat and laugh and watch movies, to fall in love and get married, to luxuriate in life’s simple pleasures, to watch a sunrise and sunset, to see the beauty of the ocean, to smell the sweet scent of the flowers, to walk in the rain, to bask in the moonlight, to dance and sing, to taste sugar, salt, spice and more.

I felt a deep sorrow for her then. For all the what-could-have-beens.

It makes me want to shout out to the world, there are always these people we do not know of. What right do we have to complain, to yell, to vent our frustrations and say that life just isn’t fair?

And it makes me want to do all those things that life can ever offer. Make more friends, study harder, do more charity, try para-gliding, earn my keep, be a real caring doctor, be a bridesmaid to my sis, get married myself, have a brood of kids, and love my loved ones with all my heart.

“I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

I say this quote in the newspapers, it is the sentiments of a 18th century man named Stephen Grellet. And it just makes so much sense.

2006-03-29T22:32:00.000+08:00

TEEHEEHEEHEE.

WAILS.

Yep that’s right results of the professional exams are out.

Obviously I shouldn’t have expected top grades for er this er important but no-time-to-mug-for-it subject, but ah well. It still hurts to look at the grade. Boo. Maybe it’s not such a great idea to study it only when I have some spare time. (juniors beware! COFM needs more than half-hearted effort to mug).

On the other hand…. Surprise! I did better than expected in pharmacology! YAY!!! Three cheers for myself! (considering I got like 59 for my last test… I cant help grinning teeheehee) ah well. At least hard work pays off. Though in the few hrs leading to the first exam I still felt as though nothing was being retained. And of course not forgetting my horrid insomnia which caused me to sleep for a total of 3 measly hours.

So these two grades balance out. Hah. Its like eating both a horrid-tasting Chinese medicine and a lovely chocolate at the same time. darn! kills the joy of it.

2006-03-19T00:08:00.000+08:00

I must say that my faith in humanity is restored.

*sniffles*

The unexpected has happened!!!

After 4 months and 5 days of cursings and mutterings from a disgruntled being whose right ankle is permanently clad in a black lethal looking bulky ankle guard, silence and amazement struck on the 17th March’ 2006 at precisely 1700 hrs.

I entered the MRT (mentally rolling my eyes at WHY Singaporeans feel the immense urge to push and shove as if it’s a matter of life and death whether they are the first or second to get onto the MRT). I stared at the ceiling and read some pretty interesting advert about bird poo and whether it was a good day for investment. I smiled at my sister, and then realized that an Indian lady sitting right in front of me was looking at me earnestly.

“Would you like to take a seat?”

“…..! Oh! It’s ok! Thanks a lot!” was my stunned reply. You see, it’s not that I don’t wish to sit down, but in all the four months plus that I had been hobbling around, I have given up the secret wish that some kind soul would offer me a seat. So it was really a major surprise to be offered a seat when I least expected it.

I took the seat in the end, after much nudging from my sister and graciousness on the Indian lady’s part.

I was really really really very touched. It seems like such a nice thing to do! Especially since the MRT was rather crowded and she was not getting off soon. At that point in time, I really wished that nice things would come her way, and that she would just lead a very blessed life. So nice, wasn’t it?! and she wasn’t even one of those youngsters you see who ought to be the first to offer seats to the needier folks; she was a lady in her thirties. Strikes me as very real, un-poser-ish and very open and ready about giving up her seat.

Awwww.

If I was a journalist, I would gladly take down her name and trumpet her act of goodwill to the whole of Singapore. See! This is what people should be doing! Instead of pretending to doze off/hide behind newspapers/look at the floor/stared at you defiantly (which is the worst!).

And I promise myself never to laugh at or encourage any more racist jokes.

Perhaps it was the good example she set, but I have never in my life seen so many seats being given up in one single ride.
A china lady opposite me gave up her seat to an elderly malay granny.

The young Indian girl sitting beside me gave up her seat to the equally elderly friend of the malay granny.

A Chinese ah-soh who earlier on unceremoniously shoved past the throngs to get a seat gave up her seat to a heavily pregnant lady.

What an unbelievable day. *smiles contentedly*

retro ktv!!! yaaahooooooooooo!

2006-03-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

“Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight, won’t somebody help me chase the shadows awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

YEAH!!!! ABBA rocks!!!! Ok er in case my poor horrified friends are all prepared to spread the word that I have gone man-crazy, this is just one of the super super must-sing ktv songs of my life! Ah finally ktv after like a few mths “drought”!!!! (seems like not many ppl to ktv with without zy around boo =\ )

Second time ktv-ing with huiting and gang (txl,qich,timo,hope,ivan, Alvin), well it was a mighty fun time today I must say! Heehee! Although of course I almost gave ah ting a heart attack with my impromptu whooping (wo hen zi “high” de!) and wild gesticulations!!!! Haha but be warned: this is only like a fraction of my ktv madness… shld see me with zy they all… they are like times infinity more feng…!

I realized its super fun to sing with timo!!!! Mebbe cos he’s the next crazy person other than me and ah ting… we have no xing xiang, none at all!!! Wah, it must be smthg catching in the RV culture, we seem exceptionally unrestrained when we holler/boogie/whoop/sing-two-thousand-words-with-one-single-breath/wildly-wave-our-arms/do-cheesy-“grease”-style-actions!!!!

(poor txl, sandwiched btw me and timo, wailed that she was stuck between two loonies. *evil cackle*)

And I cant wait for my ankle to recover so tt I can go mambo! (yep I was born in that era. Made for me. Hee.) huiting mz wait for meeee! Haha

Oh anyway the hols are almost over. Limited mobility means my variety of activities are still restricted. But never fear! The bone scan shows no weird osteoblastic actitivity!!! *cheers* so I shld be fine in another two mths? Lets hope so. Heh.

Oh yes. Overseas electives! Can anyone recommend a western country for me and ah ting to go to? Hopefully the med sch is quite ok one! And we don’t really want to spend big bucks heh so it’d be nice if we have friends where we are going!!! *hinthint*

supplement

2006-03-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

and i do wonder why some people treat their friends like secondary to their other halves. maybe i dont understand, since i dont have a boyfriend. but its amazing how much damage the "attached" status can do to a friendship. some can be repaired, good as new. some escape permanent damage and survive with small scars. some friends simply regard each other as strangers from then on.

i am glad that among the many attached friends who have forgotten about me, remains those who still care. i count my blessings for every time i see you, hear your bdae wishes, unwrap your present, laugh at your silly jokes, roll around with amusement at your hilarious words, scold you for your egoistic attitude, act the clown with you, or simply be myself. i love you guys, more than words can say really. =)

what i really think about love

2006-03-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

As I watched my current favourite Korean drama serial, I gushed and go goggle-eyed and all giggly and silly and dreamy (along with my sis and yes my MUM who seems the most besotted with the male lead), I often wonder if all these shows I am addicted to are just that --- nothing more than shows.

I mean, how likely is it for a 30 year old plump and not-so-pretty and an au naturel beauty suppose to make a 27 year old good-looking and successful rich young man fall for her?? Not when there are prettier (including man-made beauties), slimmer, gentler, richer, more demure girls out there.

I can see an evolving trend in the society. In the past, obesity was a real turn-off; those whose BMI tip the scales at more than 19 will gasp in horror, scream with fright and then promptly resolve to shed 5 kilos before they let a piece of meat slips by their mouth.

The new weighty issue is the status of attached vs the unattached.

Believe me when I say that I have absolutely nothing against the attached couples in the world. It makes me happy to see them together, some whose love really shines through makes you look forward to the day when you find a special love like that too. What I can never understand is why it seems to be a taboo to talk about your unattachedness.

Some friends make me feel like a criminal for being single.

Which is totally wrong isn’t it?

Being in love is suppose to be a natural thing, it comes and it goes. You can want it but you definitely cant force it. Some may feel the need to “lets get attached!!!!”. I am not sure why. Maybe cos it seems to say to the whole world that hey, I am lovable! Hey I am likeable! Hey I am wanted and loved! But in all my 22 years as a single, I have yet to feel unloved. Ups and downs in friendships can upset me, erode my good feelings about myself, but help always arrive. People who love me, my parents, my sis, my those few true friends who would never ever leave me. They rally, they support, they cure. But yet, at this point in time, it seems like society is ready for a brand new stigma: that of a single.

I have always marveled at how people meet, converse, fall in love. Simultaneously mind you! That is no mean feat. But how many of these happily-together couples are truly happy together?

I have always wanted to find someone who can love me just the way I am. I thought things were that simple somehow. Then I realized it isn’t. it isn’t just about two of us falling in love. It isn’t about being comfortable and happy with each other. To be practical and cynically put, its about all these and realizing that you can accept everything that comes with the person.

His background. His academic level. His career. His culture. His language. His religion.

So when the time comes for me to take the plunge and try things out, I realize it just isn’t possible. To try means to hope, to hope means heartbreak when things don’t work out. And you realize its better not to start at all. Because one single date may give the wrong idea, and think of all the heartbreak that is going to follow. A lot of people seems to feel that hey, its ok, go on a date, if you don’t like him then just let go. Seems terribly cruel though.

For instance, I know I would never be able to go out with someone who cant understand my language. Not in the he-speaks-latin-i-speak-chinese sense, but in the i-cant-understand-the-words-you-use sense. I don’t see myself as a linguist. My language cannot be more average than I know. But it we cant even communicate without me feeling as if I am embarrassing you by using words you do not know of, I can see no future.

Its better to let it go.

I would choose to say no. then the chance to go on a date, a chance to tell my friends: hey get off my back, I am doing my share of dating. Stop pairing me up with every tom, dick, harry.

I am a happy singleton. I would rather wait than enter a zillion relationships not knowing what it is that I want. I thank my friends who are worried for me (sincerely worried), and I am amused by them when they spout rubbish about me and so-and-so. But I wish that friends who are happily attached would stop making ridiculous pairings. It just puts me off. What’s wrong with being single? I feel like an item being discounted outrageously when you shove me towards this and that person. I do have a right to love, I believe?

And no, much as I love to watch my Korean dramas, I don’t believe they do happen to people like me…

dusty bunny

2006-01-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

So tired.

I feel sorry for all the “marias” in the world.

Spring cleaning is no joke! Especially with all that gunk I have accumulated in my 22 yrs of life. Dug up sm stuff today tt I really cant believe I still have. *rolls eyes*

And for certain rare breeds like me, a surgical mask is a must-have spring cleaning accessory. Oh yes, u r reading the blog of someone who only needs 5-seconds contact with microscopic dust particles to start sneezing for the WHOLE day. Yep. Poor me rite. I should go and marry a specialist from the Dept of Rheumatology, Allergy and Immunology. But hey! The mask did the trick. I hardly sneezed more than 20 times in my 4 hrs intensive dusting. Hahaha! Now I know what I need to stock up… hiak.

Oh well, today is the eve of the eve of the eve of Chinese New Year. YEAH! I still kinda regret that I didn’t manage to pop down to Chinatown this yr to enjoy the festive air. Hai. 22 liao still dunno what it is like. *hangs head in shame* oh well, mebbe next yr then!

Now suffering from pimple outbreak. Looks like they are eager to celebrate CNY too. *gloom* all zy’s fault for ordering such heaty stuff during our end-of-bet-he-lost-haha! Treat!!!! Grrrrr. Ah but on afterthoughts, I really enjoyed that meal. Heehee. Barbecued ribs. Chicken. Cheese fries. Caesar salad. Haagan dazs ice cream. Mmmmmmhhhmmmmmpphh!!

And oh to all! Who don’t like zhang ziyi or who are not interested in memoirs of a geisha: its good. catch it! I didn’t think I would like it either. =P

HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS!!!!
Pineapple tarts, bak kwa, mandarin oranges, here I comeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! *dives*

2006-01-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

grumpy day.

tired out from 6 days of cofm polyclinic surveys. its no joke standing from 730am to 5pm i tell u. and talking to every single patient who walks through that door. and then persuading them to help u do a survey (pls pls pls pretty pretty pls?!!!!!!!!)

doesnt help that my horrendously old injury from yr 2005 november has yet to recover. and no wonder, standing like this aint going to help a ligament to heal yeah? its hurting again. huff. i may as well announce my disability and get permanent exemption from all exertions.

wish i can run/hop/skip/dance/kick-box/aerobics/walk normally/shop normally/walk stairs comfortably/run after the bus/dont have to wear ankle guard again.

*blue*

2006-01-16T23:14:00.000+08:00

ooo i need to revamp my blog.

i decided to do it a few days ago.

so u may ask, why does it still look the same?!?!!?

cos i cant figure out how to change the blogskin.

i tried, seriously i did.

sm expert help me out pls.

sigh.

and yes! i am a foxtrot convert. i love quincy the iguana! i wish i have an iguana. have drawn 16 quincys today. and irritated wee ming who was my survey partner today. mauahahah. =D

happie 22nd bdae to myself!

2006-01-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

This must be one of the most memorable and fun birthday celebrations I have had in my 22 years!! From the bottom of my heart, lotsa thanks to LIHUI!!! JIABIN!!! JUNJIE!!! And of cos The Surprise ZHENGYI!!! For making me feel so full of laughter and joy today! Haha and XTINE too!!! Though u cant make it… =P

Had a bdae lunch outing with the wacky trio today, at mahattan fish mkt. I was late, and as I rushed towards the table, what do I see but this HUGE transparent hamper!!! Filled with….. (hold ur breath)

4 Nissin cup noodles (4 diff flavours)
1 myojo 5-pack noodles
1 chu qian yi ding 5-pack noodles
1 tung-yi 5-pack abalone noodles
1 myojo 5-pack stir-fried noodles
1 koka 5-pack no-msg noodles
1 pepperidge farm white chocolate macadamia cookies
1 andes chocs

WAHHHH!!!!! Noodles galore!!!! Ahhahha presented to me by none other than JJ and JB!!!! Haha I was really very tickled, cos it was so like them to give me smthg totally unexpected and hilarious for my bdae! (yes, they know I like to eat instant noodles… and JJ is my instant noodle pal i.e we can discuss the diff brands and flavours quite comfortably… but but but! I tink this hamper is enough to last me two yrs at least!!!!) and I tink JJ was actually looking really excited about the gift… prob salivating over his fav tung-yi mee… haha =P thx guys! Though my mum had a mini fit when she saw what I lugged home… (u two have been “condemned” for encouraging me to eat instant mee! Alas hah) its prob one of the funniest and amusing presents I have ever received!

So yep, all my friends out there, all visitors to my humble abode would be served instant noodles for the next two yrs. Of course, u can choose ur own flavour. =)

we were probably frowned upon by our fellow mfm diners. Cos we were really making such a rukus! Luckily no one threw us out. When our food finally came, it was quite as gd as the 1st visit (though smhow I seem to remember it tastin even better). And we were all chatting n yakking when a cake suddenly! Mysteriously! Materialized between me n lihui. Oooo!

How exciting! I thot! Cos I assumed if there was a cake it wld b after the meal (our usual tradition).

And I almost ignored the cake-bearer after a cursory disinterested glance.

Only to realize

My slow mind to register

It was ZHENGYI!!!! Yayayyay!!! Back from shanghai secretly and furtively like a mouse!!! And appearing out of the blue with me n lihui staring at him as if he was a ghost!!!

Haha don’t ask me why, my tear-ducts went into overdrive. Possibly too overwhelmed and surprised out of my senses, since he cunningly told all of us his last paper was next week. And we were predicting his royal highness to arrive around 25th thereabouts.
Wheee!!! Really quite a confusing moment! He jz sauntered in and behaved like this was normal. Yar rite. And the other patrons were prob wondering if I have a tear-duct problem. And the manager was busy shooting a video of my ugly tearing. Haiyo! Cldnt even blow my candles immediately!

But yes, it was the most wonderful surprise I ever had. My pals really out-did themselves this time! (cos usually we r so lousy at surprises the surprissee usually can detect it beforehand).

And from then on it was as though he nv went away! The usual crappy jokes and ridiculously funny mannerisms of this quartet really make my day. Just my kind of humour! Haa.

Thanks guys!!!! For really making me such a happy belated bdae gal!!! muahaha! =)))

And yes, I am enjoying my 22nd year lots. (18 at heart). *winks*

thanks everyone who wished me happy bdae! so many old friends, i really really appreciate ur bdae wishes! and the lovely presents! billion thanks!!!

2006-01-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

i have jz deleted my 1st 2006 blog. heh. since it was so complainy and whiney tt i cant stand it.

its time to change my attitude. i shant let other ppl turn me into a cynic. inner peace eludes me but i am sure i can find it back.

a gd friend told me yesterday: you can't expect other ppl to treat you the way u treat them.

in a way, yes i sort of gurdgingly see the truth in it. (not that i am overly pleased that this is the sad truth of it all) but maybe i shld just, hmm hang loose?

i am looking forward to the new yr. woof-woof year. surely my luck will change! no more ill health, no more xiao ren, much much more laughter, much much more warmth and friendship. (oh yes i am greedy i know).

oh and less rain pls. s'pore is drowning! and i am freezingggggg brrrrr.

hobbling still...

2006-01-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

oh yar btw i finally saw a specialist for my leg!!! ahah its the exact two months anniversary for my injury too! oh wow. its suspected tt i sprained my ankle, the anterior tibio-fibular ligament is involved, but dr says its unusual to hurt it without trauma. anyway... i mz go for follow-ups to make sure its not "smthg more sinister". gosh i dont even want to ask what these may be. touch wood!!!!!!!

oh well. looks like gd old faithful ankle guard is here to stay for another one mth or so.

grouses of the week. by The Grouch

2005-11-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

Psychomed exams are over!!!! *do a little dance* yippee yay yay!!! Haha finally. One full day of slacking. Ahhhh bliss. If only my foot is better I can begin to enjoy myself. BAH.

Anyway, having sprained my dominant ankle (right) for the first time in my entire life, I am beginning to realize just how hard life can be.

Firstly, since I have to attend school in changi hospital (which is oooooooooo ONLY a few zillion km away… *rolls eyes*), I ngeh ngeh also want to drive there. Its really a hair-raising experience!!!! And I mean it. ever tried controlling the accelerator and brake pedals with ur thigh muscles?! Its like, next to impossible. I almost gave myself a heart attack the first day I did it. I never did realize how important my ankle joint is to me! How sad. and going on the expressway was just plain torture. U cant let go of the accelerator so u just have to keep ur leg at this extremely weird angle so tt ur thigh muscles can be utilized. I can almost see a extra bump where muscles have sprouted overnight.

In school it can get worse. For one thg, if u thought tt havin this gigantic black super prominent formidable-looking ankle guard is going to send others the “keep one metees away. And stay this way.” msg, u are way wrong. For one, klutzy friends like wes the pest have no eyes. Haha. Guard or no guard, injury or not, he tend to step on anyone’s foot at least twice a day. And even the normally alert ones somehow lose their perfect eyesight and step on u too!!! Little wonder my foot feels as traumatized as before. Hai.

At home, I roll abt on a roller chair. And everythg seems so much taller to me suddenly. Can u imagine being wheelchair-bound and trying to reach for too-high tables and switches? I felt so small suddenly. And helpless actually. The disabled must really be awfully brave and determined to live as they do. Really admire them for the way they adjust to their lives. Reminds me of zahid (cofm patient) actually.

Out in public, cant help feeling disgusted with the locals again. I mean yar lah I am a Singaporean but I just wish smtimes that these ppl are more feeling. I mean, its sooooooooooooo obvious that I hurt my foot and I cant walk properly nor stand stably YET not one person offered me a seat on the bus. The guilty ones politely averted their gazes and pretended that the window ledge is suddenly very fascinating, while the rude ones blatantly put their single plastic bags on the empty seats and stare right back at you. I mean…!!! I wonder if it’s the same everywhere else in the world. Just cant help feeling theres no love for fellow human beings smtimes. And don’t u just feel as if ppl are actually embarrassed abt giving up seats!?! Such a simple thg to do! And it seems like ppl don’t wish to be associated with the “stigma” of being nice. Smone explain that to me.

And for the first time in my life, I really did lose my temper on the road. Maybe cos I wasn’t in a terrific mood in the first place, what with the throbbing pain in my ankle, and trying to control my car with a stiff ankle. This cabbie tried to overtake me even though I had signaled and was already two-thirds into the lane. He tried to squeeeeze past me and the gall of him!!! Even horned at me!!! I glared at him. Pure, venomous, how-dare-u-horn-at-me-u-slimeball kind of glare. Can practically see him quelling under the daggers of my glare. Hah! Obe good. Rude drivers.

THANKS!!!!

2005-11-12T00:49:00.000+08:00

Oh yes. I want to thank qiqi and Watson and all my friends for rallying ard me! Haha thx so much! I am not depressed anymore!!!! *beams* cos I gave myself like three books-free wks to enjoy life!!!! MUAHAHA!!! And I feel SO MUCH better. But its rather addictive. Hmm. I still don’t feel like studying although my exams are next wk. oops. =P

accident-prone klutz

2005-11-12T00:47:00.000+08:00

Not that I want to complain, but I seem to live a most “exciting” life.

Just two days ago, I was happily prancing ard the shopping mall searching for the zillionth bdae present for another turning-significant-21 friend. And the moment I reached home, I knew smthg was wrong. Ankle feels funny. It seems to want to tell me smthg. But hey! I figured I cant have twisted it or anythg since I didn’t fall or bumped into anythg! So I dismissed it as a queer feeling which will go away soon.

Lo and behold! Two days later, after four applications of Chinese die-da oil, my ankle is red-hot and swollen. =( BOO. I thought this kind of injuries only occur regularly in sporty ppl! I mean, I am NOWHERE near sporty nowadays (yar rite as if I have ever been sporty heh)!!! Only if u count walking to the car sporty. *sheepish* so HOW on earth do I get all these kind of weird injuries!?!?!

Heavens knows.

And maybe it wasn’t too smart to walk so much today… my ankle appears unstable. Sigh.

I wonder if I can still drive. EEKS! Imagine gg to change hospital by mrt!!! I will die I tink.

Maybe I have got somatization disorder. My pain came on because… I want an excuse for an MC so I don’t hafta for my test next wk!?! hee.

Ah well. Doc’s trip tmr. Who knows I may get a nice pretty white bandage.

*gloom*

2005-10-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

i may have mild depression. though i really dont think so. since there doesnt seem to be any triggering factors.

moodswings

2005-10-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

I want to live a simple life, hopefully often filled with happy days, with the occasional ups and downs. Its doesn’t have to be the kind of mindless absolute incredible happiness, but I wouldn’t mind if this occurs once a while. I need my peace, the simple pleasure I get from just hanging out with my family, seeing my friends. Laughing with them. Chatting with them. Doing things with them. I need people to understand I am who I am, please accept me just the way I am. I may be incredibly stupid, true I can’t find my way around, I get lost countless number of times, I don’t know the way to a lot of places, but this is what I am. Please understand my fears, my stresses, understand and accept them.

I want to get back to the days I used to remember, where life wasn’t extremely easy to get by but at least there wasn’t roller coaster rides just once too often. I get tired. Tired of feeling frustrated, angry, upset, pissed off, stressed, indignant. Tired of all these negative feelings. I want to be at peace, happy.

Sometimes I wish life was really simple. Not too many expectations, less demands. No arguments, no upsets, no tiffs, no misunderstandings. It just makes me feel really really drained.

fond memories

2005-10-23T01:34:00.000+08:00

Time flies, it’s the last day of hols! I don’t really feel rested to tell the truth. And I don’t feel like I have played enough. One week is simply too short!!!

Starting my psychomed posting, quite excited actually since I have always been interested in psychiatry… hee. But yar this also marks the first time in 16 weeks that I would be seeing unfamiliar faces. Its funny how long ago it seems like when I just got to know my new cg… and yet that part of my life has come to an end and I am moving on. Everyone is moving on.

Boohoo. Having spent 16 weeks with Esther, Eugene, Philey, its going to be hard trying not to miss their presence. Especially since we have such mo qi! First at AH, when xinxin and nana were still with us, then at sgh, when it was just the four of us. It was really sad when xinxin and nana left us and went to ttsh for med, but it was through these 2 months at sgh that I really got to know the three of them better.

Esther: my ex-rv clsmate, whom I used to not know very well, but kept bumping into since I came into med! She was the interviewee in the same room just before me! Haha. And it took me this long to discover that we are actually really similar in our thinking and the food we eat (or rather, those that we don’t… muahaa!) In my rv days, I have always thought that she was quite different from me, cos we hang out with different crowds.. I was the nerdier one hee! But somehow, it seems like I was wrong all this while! And woah don’t be fooled by her innocent look! Theres a side of her that’s really really funny, and she’s really cheeky too! But yar this may be due to the bad influence of Eugene lah… =P and yes! Almost as greedy as me for all things chocolate and durianish! But I often wonder why I am twice her size… *bewildered* ahha always salivate whenever we passed by the display case on polar café… over the yummy-looking choc cake! And always try ways and means to find an excuse to buy the cake… like whoever’s bdae it its, she will just perk up and offer to buy the cake! Haha too bad we didn’t succeed though… alas. And she’s my great protector! Whenever philey tries to stress me up or disturb me, esther the peaceful will morph into esther the tigress! Makes me rather touched actually… hehe.

Eugene: best remembered as my og-mate who was often MIA due to erhmm!!! His pak-toh sessions with esther during medicamp!! So didn’t really got to know him that well during that time… now that I do! Well, he is really funny and crappy lah. And really really sweet to esther! But the funny thing is, people don’t feel uncomfortable hanging out with them alone leh. At least I don’t, though I tend to feel awkward when I am alone with couples! And Eugene is really nice, not just to esther but to all his friends too!! Having survived thaibetes with him, its like having gone through a terrible war! Had numerous occasions when we just had to keep asking ppl what horrible experiences they had with thaibetes until we were both so dejected and disgusted that we didn’t want to study for our test anymore…oh well when faced with a horrible tester its always better to have a gd friend taking it with you than ur worst enemy lah.

Philey: more or less my constant clerking partner (except on the rare occasions when we having cold wars haha!) well this guy is really a social animal, except he seems to be a sincere social animal! Really good at making new friends, be it the secretaries or the tutors, and esp the aunties in the wards seem to adore him! Not me though. Haha! We are like yuan jia, have to fight oh on average thrice a week at least! Cos smhow he likes to irritate me! Haha ok mebbe I am being biased lah. But he tends to evoke the worst in me, such that I can be really mean to him. Hee. Thinking bad feel quite bad, but hey! My mean-ness wasn’t totally unwarranted. But he is actually a great friend lah. At the end of the day we will still be friends (after our cold wars). Will miss my daily scolding session with him; I scold he listens. Haha! Its become quite a daily habit already…

Many many fond memories… like the four of us pretending to be jugglers and getting into formation, then with a “1,2,3… throw!” we will fling our tendon-tappers towards each other and catch it skillfully with a flair that the circus performers will turn green with envy over (yar rite). We do this everywhere! And we are really quite good at this! Haha. And the numerous times they sat in my car and totally went berserk over my mashi maro… fighting over it like kids, and trying to do REALLY weird things to it. like making it dance and trying to PR it (tts Eugene!), and stealing my mashi’s great woolly hat and wearing it to class in sgh (philey of course…) gosh. Quite embarrassing really. Most occasions esther n I would have to avert our eyes. Haha… and the guys have this funny jiggly tummy-bumping dance they do whenever they feel happy! And we have unedited footage of one of their numerous wrestling sessions in the students’ lounge…

Oh well. Really do hope that we will keep in touch even though we have all gone our separate ways… its really not easy to have met a random grouping whereby everyone is just so much on my wavelength and so fun to be with! Will miss our lan sessions, mass ban-mian eating sessions (the auntie recognizes us and even gives us extra ikan bilis!), ice-cream sessions! will really miss these guys lots... =/

my date with thaibetes

2005-10-15T00:55:00.000+08:00

Woah. Been such a long long time since I blogged!!! And sooooo much has happened since then. Medicine posting came and went, new friends made and farewells said. And yes, it hasn’t been the best 2 months I have had in my life but hey! Sure makes a deep impression in my mind.

Of course I must first relate my horror story of my encounter of the one and only kind with the famous thaibetes (for the privileged few who knows this infamous household name that is guaranteed to strike fear in the boldest hearts).

Now when I was once a rookie medical student new to the wards, I thought nothing can be worse than having a certain woman-hater as my tester. How wrong I was! Didn’t realize the errors of my ways until I received the name of my med posting tester. Hai. More famous than the woman-hater! And yet I had thought that I was ready to take on the world after surviving that ordeal.

Past history of thaibetes (as garnered from more than 10 medical students from yr3 to yr 5, registrars and a few consultants): high failure rate especially for MBBS final yr exams. Terror. Mean. Gave a myasthenia gravis case for an eclinics test. Purportedly gave addison’s disease case to another. Wants everything to be quantified. Must mug diabetes, pet subject of said tutor. Die die also must do fundoscope! Aiyo why so unlucky u got thaibetes!!! And from my own sgh tutor: *eyes popping out and suddenly straigtening from her chair* WHAT!?!! U got ….?!?!!?

Haha so it was with all these horror stories armed in hand that eugene and I stepped into The Ward yesterday at 9.10am. Trembling. Pallor noted. and thaibetes made her appearance at 9.27am.

She brought me to a lady, and left me with the words: this lady came in for a problem, but I do not wish you to focus on that problem. I want you to focus on other things.

And with this cryptic message, she left me.

10 minutes into my clerking time, I was all ready to scream. Yes. The patient presented with myalgia and diarrhea, and her comorbidities simply stretched on and on. Exactly which one is the one thaibetes wanted me to focus on!?! There simply wasn’t enough time to get a full history of all her current illnesses, which include hypertension, diabetes, cushing’s disease (wow disease leh, not syndrome...), IHD, menorrhagia and the list goes on.

With 10 minutes to spare, I did the impossible. Did physical examination for diabetes, cushing’s, cvs, resp, and abdo all within the ten minutes. With fundoscopy thrown in for good measure. Was starting to take the blood pressure when Eugene called me to report to her.

The nightmare began when I started presenting my past medical history.

“What?! What do you mean by past medical history?! You mean the patient has been cured?! She does not have this problem currently?!”

Profuse apologies and a humbled look.

“Wait. I thought you mentioned she was admitted from the cvs clinic! Shouldn’t you tell me about her IHD before starting on her diabetes!!!”

Which would have been what I usually would have done, except that the patient was NOT admitted for any hear problems, she just mentioned to her dr in passing that she has had a fever for the past 3 days.

And it all went downhill from that point in time. Instead of allowing me to present my history to her, she directed specific questions to me like “so does she have ____?”

And she ended her grilling by telling me “why do I have to dig all these out from you! Why can’t you just have volunteered the information yourself!!!”

I wish I could have too dr, if only you had allow me to present.

More scoldings: why didn’t you ask whether she noticed any darkening of her skin in recent months?! Isn’t it obvious you should have asked that since you know she has got cushing’s disease!

Well dr, basically she has got one zillion comorbidities, I simply couldn’t have asked about every single thing within that 20 minutes… *sob*

The rest of the test passed in a blur. I was shell-shocked, sitting in a chair in front of her just by the patient’s bed, while she took her time slaughtering me slowly and gleefully. I was in a daze. I usually pride myself in being able to keep my calm and remain in control however bed the examiner is, but I lost it this time. Not so much because I was scared of her, but she made me fell like the stupidest girl alive. She made me doubt how I even made it into med sch. It didn’t help that her most-used phrase to me was “I chop off your head ah!!! You say that again!!!” yep. Certainly not a morale booster was it. In my confounded state, I blurted out a murmur different from what I heard in my less than 1 minute exam of the cvs system.

And she moved in for the kill.

Ranted and raved, asked me how I can possibly tie up my cvs findings. Then issued the ultimatum “Now I am giving you one last chance, if you don’t do this correctly I am going to FAIL YOU!!!!! I am giving you ten minutes to examine this patient’s cvs, and it would be treated as your long case!!!”

Ok dr, does that mean I have to examine the peripheries as well? (and I thought it was a perfectly reasonable question; apparently not)
She went bonkers.

“Go to the CORE!!!! The CORE!!! Why would you bother about the peripheries!!! Now you want to confirm your murmur!!!!”

Okok I get the picture.

To tell the truth I was feeling rather mutinous already. If she was going to fail me I don’t see the point in trying to salvage a mudslide-like sticky situation I was stuck in. Quagmire I was sinking fast in. But I told myself: why should I be intimidated. I just show her my examination techniques and that’s it.

Alas. I forgot to listen for radiation of the murmur to the axilla, and hastily did it while the patient was sitting up. Naturally this brought on another barrage of scoldings regarding my incompetency. More “I-chop-off-your-head”s!!!!

Ah well. It was rather comforting that she ended with “I will pass you, but barely.” Hee.

Second short case was less frightening. I was told to examine the upper limbs and perform any other tests that I can think of to comfirm my diagnosis.

Ahhh. Cogwheel rigidity!!! Yay! Parkinson’s!!!!! *heart sings with joy*

After doing the relevant tests, I told the dr: I would like to walk the patient.

This brought on an unexpected onslaught of incredulity and she looked at me as though I was crazy.

“What!!!! Why do you want to walk the patient!! You mean u have finished EVERYTHING that you want to do!!!! You mean you can’t come to a diagnosis even with all you have done!!!”

(wondering what wrong I have committed again…) “erm yes I mean NO!!! I am very sure about my diagnosis but I would like to confirm or exclude it by walking the patient.”

This seems to calm her a little, and discussion followed as to why it was Parkinson’s and not some cerebellar problem. Whew.

And yet, my post-test discussion with Eugene revealed startling inconsistencies. She actually scolded him for not walking the patient, and yet she scolded me for wanting to walk the patient!!!

Tiens.

But you know, it is not such a totally bad experience after all. I do think that she is an extremely smart dr and she probably excelled when she was a medical student. I sort of realized how important it is to link everything together into one nice puzzle, instead of simply clerking blindly and getting this really detailed history without knowing what to do with it. I know I am not as terrible as she made me out to be, but I am not brilliant as well. True true a part of me felt that her expectations were too high for a mere yr 3 standard, but hey! Someday I would have to be able to reason everything through on my own. Haha all these are easy to say now that I have had time to nurse my post-test 8 hr migraine and to whine about this to countless people.

I realized I do respect her. Although I am envious of other luckier students who had more of a tutorial with all their nice nice tutors, at least I managed to get through this without shedding any tears. Whew. It was really a totally nasty experience though. And ridiculous for a test to last for 3.5 hrs! But yar. Her advice is very true. At the end of year 5, this is the standard I must be at. Oh gosh. What a scary thought.

Through all these, really glad to have the support of my family!!! And especially my CG who came down to support us even though they already had their tests… and all my seniors and clsmates who wished me luck! Not forgetting the classmates in The Ward who wished us luck, although I didn’t even know some of them… ah.

Advice to future generations:

I survived Thaibetes. So can you.

time for goodbyes

2005-08-22T00:15:00.000+08:00

The day draws near. And nostalgia is REALLY DEFINITELY setting in. seems surreal somehow. But it’s really drawing ever nearer.

Will miss the companionship, laughter, care, sincerity, drama-queen antics, acerbic remarks, warmth, sensibility, the bhb-ness, the lovely cakes (oh yes!) the same wavelength, the listening ear.

Oh no zy gg to miss u lots!!!!!!!

Heaven Knows

2005-08-19T01:13:00.000+08:00

“She’s always on my mind…”

He had me at those words. Never heard such a heart-wrenching rendition of this song that I like so much. Its was bittersweet, touching and really really did tug at my heartstrings. Doesn’t matter that he cant mesmerize the crowds with his eyes or charm them with suave well-timed moves, he was my idol definitely.

I was really upset yday when I watched Superstar. It was only my second time watching the show, and to tell the truth I wasn’t rooting for anyone in particular. Of course I have heard those many rumours flying around abt how nice junyang is, and how sm have said that weilian got through by sympathy votes. But I guessed my lack of exposure actually made me a more impartial judge of who actually performed better on the day itself rather than be influenced by preconceived ideas.

I wasn’t impressed by their first songs. Cos both didn’t do their best I think. But what outraged me was the hint of biasness I detected on the part of the judges. I mean, yes its true I agree that most ppl wont be able to accept the idea of a visually impaired person bcming a superstar, and yes they do have their years of experience dabbling in music BUT there are some obvious facts that practically are screaming at us laymen who don’t know as much. Such as the fact that it is a fact that jy sang off-key very obviously, and yet still got higher marks than weilian.

But it didn’t stop there. I mean, no hard feelings but I really felt that the English song performance definitely showed weilian as the better performer at least in that segment. What I couldn’t fathom was how far the judges will go to influence the audience into tinking that jy was ready to be a superstar while weilian was doing evrythg wrongly, like emotions lah, technique lah, blah blah blah. I was really really really shell-shocked at the injustice of it all! I mean, I have no idea whether all these rumours abt the judges are true, but it definitely seem as though they are not unfounded.

In fact I suddenly felt that the world (esp Singapore) is a really ugly place to live in. you don’t let smone who is handicapped into a competition to give him a chance to prove himself only to oppress him when it seems likely that he will succeed. Does it really matter so much that he is blind? I mean, pls ppl lets try to be moe flexible. You judges kept saying he doesn’t really walk the stage. Why don’t u ppl try putting urselves into his shoes? He cant see!!! Much as he will like to walk the stage beam at audience blow kisses at them and wink he cant! Can we ever imagine how scary it would be to walk alone in the dark, with absolutely no idea where u are heading for, no idea whether the next step will bring you tumbling down the stage? I have never seen such unreasonable people. If the stage presence is really so very important, then perhaps you guys should have made it clear right from the start that this isn’t really a competition for weilian. But since you guys let him in, hey! Be fair! You cant do this you know, trample all over him just cos perhaps he isn’t really superstar material since fans may not take well to a blind man. (ok I admit this part I sort of deduced it myself it is not based on any evidence lah)

I felt really upset lah. Especially when I realized that never once did weilian seem affronted or taken aback or angered by the unkind remarks made by the judges and their absolutely weird scoring patterns that seem to gloss over all the imperfections in jy’s performances while magnifying every single little mistake (or non-existent mistakes) made by weilian.

Pls don’t tink I feel sympathetic thats why I am saying all these things. I for one haven’t followed the competition and also actually thought that jy should win before I started watching the show. It’s the pure singing talent of weilian that got to me, and made me realized that if not for the fact that he is blind, I doubt there would have been as much controversy over who should be the eventual winner.

I was so indignant over the judges remarks that I voted for weilian twice. I mean, for smone as level-headed and giam as me to actually bother to vote, this really does say smthg. If based purely on the performance during the finals, weilian definitely did better. And the better man deserves to win.

I didn’t really look forward to the results show today. Cos I was thinking it seems like a foregone conclusion who has a bigger fan base and to tell the truth I was feeling very cynical abt Singaporeans, thinking that they would never be so open-minded as to let a blind man win smone who’s handsomer, more charming and who has a gd voice to boot. But yet sm sadistic part of me wanted to watch the final outcome so that if weilian was booted out, I can be openly cynical abt my fellow Singaporeans.

But it turned out to be a really great surprise instead. Within seconds I was hugging my sister and jumping up and down and sobbing into tissues. It was a great triumph, and I thought it said a lot abt Singaporeans if they actually voted the best man in regardless of his handicap. I was touched. Really. And really delirious with happiness over smone who already has suffered so much in life but yet was brave enough to subject himself to this mental torment of a long and arduous competition. I salute him!!!

And now my faith in humankind has been fully restored. (until the next showdown btw male and female that is…) I am so happy! It must be a really really important milestone in his life that he had made it so far. And to realize his ambition of releasing a single! Gosh. I think if “heaven knows” is included I will go and buy it. Haa. =DDDDD

Yippee!

2005-08-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what would I be.

Would I be pretty, would I be rich?

Guess what she said to me.

Que sera sera, whatever would be would be.

The future’s not ours to see.

Que sera sera.

2005-08-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

We used to be such gd friends, as thick as thieves, as sticky as glue. Now we settle for the occasional times we bump into one another, filled with periods of unanswered msges.

I wont deny I am bitter, angry even, and more than sore and upset. I wonder why this happens again and again. I may be at fault too. I dunno.

I have friends, true, ppl I laugh with everyday. they fill my life with so much joy. But its never the same. Cos every single person we meet and befriend, they bring smthg special into out lives. For you it happened to be lots of warmth and laughter and just that special caring touch. I missed that.

And isn’t it extremely sad that we seem more like civil acquaintances now more than anythg else.

I bet u tink I am really happy. Mebbe even tink I am heartless cos I seem to get on fine without you eh? But if its really the smiling façade u fell for, then perhaps we weren’t as close as I ever thought we were.

I am surrounded by friends, ppl I care for. But smhow I feel like the loneliest person in the entire world each day I get home.

We seem to have nothg much to say to each other anymore.

Perhaps it just cos we are both such stubborn ppl. We don’t like to make the first move do we? We just like to think ho so-the-other-don’t-need-me-well-i-shant-bother-to-contact-the-person-then.

Mebbe theres major happenings in ur life. Mebbe u r busy dealing with stuff and don’t really have time to look for me. Lots of mebbes. I don’t know anythg abt ur life anymore.

Smone asked how did it bcm like this? I was at a loss for words. A combination of a loss of the “need” factor on your part, ego problems and insensitivity.

I hate it when my msges go unanswered. And after awhile I just wont bother anymore.

It may not matter much to u, wat sounds like a grp msg asking if everyone is free on a certain day, but I happen to be waiting for a reply.

And there were many others too. Those tt u said u never did receive. A part of me acknowledge tt may b true, but the petty me tells me tt its too much of a coincidence tt all 3 or 4 msges were lost in the satellite system.

I realized I depend just a tad too much on my friends. Not just anyone though. Only the closest ones matter. But they always seem to matter too much. I cant seem to get it in my thick skull that nothg stays the same forever. Nothg.

How I wish that smhow smday, I find that real best friend who never goes away.

2005-07-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

I am quite used to lending my ears to friends who have all sorts of insecurities when it comes to relationships, and its always the same problems… lack of courage, fear of rejection… yaadaa yaadaa. I guess its only human to feel this way bah. But yet I met up with a friend today who belongs to the lesser known species of why-should-i-be-afraid-to-show-my-feelings human beings.

And yes. Happens to be a girl.

Haha wonder what happened to the well-drilled mantra on guys being more courageous… hmm.

I was duly impressed by my friend! She’s now like my idol lor. As in I usually feel abit put-off my girls who are too proactive but hmm I think her case is different, for one cos I know her personally. She wont go after the guy, but she wont be afraid to show her concern. (which makes me wonder why I have to take a few weeks to be able to speak normally hah)

Oh well. Even though now she’s just friends with this guy, can tell she’s really contented cos at least she knows whats happening. Sure beats guessing games.

So now, I’ve decided to encourage all these ppl whom I am “aunt-agonying” to well, just do it lah. Pride is just… a fleeting thg. Hehe.

No pain no gain.

night duty....

2005-07-23T01:56:00.000+08:00

aha its now 1.39am!!! and I got sch in abt 7.5 hrs!!! yet I feel quite awake. Heh!

Just finished my first “night call” in AH. Was a self-imposed one lah, cos wanted to try taking blood and setting plugs. But are we unlucky! Weren’t many new cases today so it was relatively quiet. But really did have lots of fun doing night call with esther and Eugene!!! =D

At first I was abit skeptical abt doing night call with them, cos erhmm may feel like a giant light bulb. But hey! They are really so nice! At no point in time did I feel awakward or out of place! Haha mebbe it helps tt they are not a new couple lah. As in they are really sweet to each other but its seems like a very natural thg so an onlooker like me wont feel a need to look away. Hee. And it didn’t feel contrived, the way they jz chatted with me etc etc. haha and they are both hilarious!!!! They say the darnest thgs!!! (yes esther included! Don’t b deceived by her sweet look!!!) had me in stitches for quite a few times…

Oh and our HO was really really friendly! Though we weren’t from her team lah, so she didn’t really know us, but she was so open and friendly and even gossiped abt with us! We were truly taken aback (we expected the HOs to be really upset abt being stuck with us for one whole nite heh)! But of cos delighted as well lah.

We met a really cute little old lady!!! *beams* shes truly the kind of ppl u want to do more for, want to make sure they are happy, don’t wish them to come to any harm. Cos shes just so cute! She was so receptive to us and kept introducing us to her husband (cute little old man) and her son! Its hard to tell that shes unwell… sad thg was we can really tell shes yearning to go home. When the doc was examining her she kept asking if she can be discharged already. =( oh yar haha for sm reason she kept asking me if I had was attached. Hmm. And promptly tried convincing me to let her introduce me to sm guys. Arghhh!!! Ahah it was really funny! Imagining her trying to matchmake ppl haha =P I had to tell her erm no erm its ok! But its quite hard to divert her attention… gosh everyone’s trying to sell me off. So paiseh. Oh and she kept saying our hands are very soft! (looking abit bewildered, she held eugene’s hand and asked “eh girls’ hands very soft, how come urs too?!”) haha! Da shao ye woah! ;P

Oh well she really made my day. Its not always that we meet such great ppl in the wards… (guess cant blame them lah we are always disturbing them and trying to clerk them) and its really comforting to see them in high spirits even though they are hospitalized! Gambatte for these hardy souls!

If there were times I wondered why I ever decide to take this path, ppl like her give me lotsa motivation to push on. =)))) hoorays for cute old ladies!!!!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2005-07-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

Woah. Its been so long since I met up with my friends!!! Feeling abit friendless now. =( no fun studying everyday. Yet cant bring myself to do anythg but go straight home after sch! Perpetual exhaustion syndrome. Eeks.

Hai hey txl!!! I haven’t chatted with u in AGES!!!!! Mebbe cos I am nv on msn n when I am on u r not. Bleagh. Haha anyway I bought my new phone liao. Filing for chapter 11 (bankruptcy) ahha…. *heart aches*

I think its quite hideous actually. I am still really sad abt the sudden demise of my beloved old darling phone. I cant bear to trade it in! (esp since the value has dropped from $200 to $20 overnight…. Grouch) I bought the sister phone of my old phone. Except it’s The Ugly Sister. Aha. I was all prepared to hate it lah but I jz cant put of buying my phone! Cos I felt so insecure and weird using mummie’s phone which feels totally foreign to me. But… well grudgingly got to admit this phone is not that bad lah. I have stopped shooting looks of disdain at it anyway. Haha beginning to play more with it yay!

You know smtimes I just find it really tiring to try and understand what sm ppl r thinking abt. I don’t think I understand even though I sort of had insight into the other party’s perspective. Smtimes just feel really bewildered like “hey why is this happening to me” lor. But I guess it cant be helped. Mebbe jz not meant to be close friends bah. I mean I can understand the don’t-want-to-be-too-nice-i-need-to-prevent-myself-getting-hurt part since well I practise it too but seriously! Its not like anythg is gg to happen AT ALL. Not even a remote possibility lor. Gets quite frustrating smtimes having to deal with this kind of behaviour. Well I can norm take it really well jz don’t get me on a bad day. Grrr.

2005-07-16T22:42:00.000+08:00

i am truly in shock. this is turning out to be a really crummy day.

see, i was really excited abt getting the newest potter bk. great fan i am. so yar felt the pinch and the garguantous hole in my pocket but oh well. jz had to starve abit nxt wk.

and my phone suddenly died on me. time of death: approximately 16 min 39 sec ago.

it didnt even bid me a fond goodbye.

now i am reeling in shock.

its only been with me 1 yr 3 mths and 3 days.

what do i do now?

repair it? buy a new one?

help.

crummy crummy day.

trying to work hard heh

2005-07-16T00:02:00.000+08:00

Another week gone. AHHHH!!!! *sigh of relief* couldn’t have bear with it for much longer! What with extended periods of PMS I really feel like I need to slp abt oooo 25 hrs a day. Sheesh. Which again of cos led me to look at guys with envy. Haha =P

Oh well. At least I managed to feel motivated for once to stay back later than I used to do in the first two wks! I stayed til 6pm one day! *impressed* I am so hardworking praise me. Haha! Oh yar lah but that was to make up for the ultra-guilt-inducing day when we all ran off early to celeb eugene’s bday by playing LAN and having dinner at billy bombers til 10pm. Argh. But to tell the truth, it felt really good to enjoy myself for once instead of simply shuttling to and from the hospital. Actually felt REALLY excited when we started playing LAN! Smthg abt starwars battlefront… great therapy for the ultra stressed-up pandas like me. =p

And yes. It was hilarious to see the kind of names we gave ourselves. Haha erm sm named ourselves after the infamous and notorious doctors in the hosp, while of cos me n xinxin just had to have mak related names. Teehee. I kept getting killed by the rest!!! *rolls eyes* it’s the first time we played with the kang brothers (haha sound like pirated version of chan bros erm ok lame) and WOW! Greg is my nemesis! (so the computer analysis concluded) Feel like sm poor unsuspecting soul who kept getting shot at! Oh but I su de xin fu kou fu, cos hes really gd lah. Dunno how guys can jz move n shoot at the same time n avoid the zillions of bullets I send flying (vaguely) towards them… ahah =P and joseph is jz as gd! Tink guys spend all their time playing LAN. and yes of cos theres philey who shoots me even if I am a team mate. But I conclude its not jz me, since he shot esther too! And xinxin… sneaky! Died in her hands more than once!

We tried to play CS too. It was… bloody. And scary. Blood spurting out everywhere! Haha and we gals spent the first half hr staring at our screen wondering what is happening. (cos of cos the guys didn’t tell us the impt thgs like we shld buy weapons so tt we can kill better… chey!) but oh well its smthg of a joke watching us play! Tink me n esther spent more time screaming at each other! Really the ultimate when we all agreed to use knives! Do u know how tachycardiac we bcm?! And when there was only me n esther left… I tink we were running ard in circles and judging by wat eye-witnesses reported, I was stabbing at the wall and running in circles on the spot all the while screaming my head off. Oops. Embarrassing. Haha. Got finished by esther in the end =( only cos Eugene told her where I was! Ahha cos she was running in circles too!!!

Yep tt must be the most fun I’ve had in days. Realized tt the kang bros were actually not quiet like I thot they were… gosh. They quickly manage to get themselves into my “top 5 enemies list” within a day! Smthg’s wrong with me lah. Even xinxin cant be depended on to be on my side always… sheesh!

Highlight of the day: our bday gift to Eugene was….. taadaaa a ….. CAKE BOX!!! Teehee. Forced him to carry it home. Haha! And there wasn’t even cake inside, we demolished it in the restaurant liao. Oh but hes really a gd sport to agree lah ahha!

It was a rather fun wk at the hosp too! Got a chance to suture! Yay! Though I am really quite lousy and its not the same lah doing it for real! And one of the aunties we befriended was finally discharged after staying in the hosp for more than a mth!!! We were all soooo happy for her! =D and her hubby was full of praise for our team of doctors too! I was really happy for everyone lah, and really inspired by my docs to b jz as gd as them!

But… I realized theres one single female surgeon ard. Oh no. and when I surveyed my own family, 66.6% have less faith in female surgeons (and these happen to be my mum n sis… who are females. Gosh)

Hai. Next wk’s going to be a makless week. =( I’d miss my fav tutor! He told us so many jokes this wk we are practically all so tickled by him! And we managed to have lunch with him! *swoon* haha.

blues

2005-07-10T01:28:00.000+08:00

once again i realised tt u can be surrounded by friends, laughter, gd food. and yet feel totally detached and as if u dont really belong in this scheme of thgs.

not tt u r not having fun... but. well. its rather hard to communicate with sm friends once they bcm attached. there are the ones who treat u exactly the same as before, there are the ones u have never really clicked with anyway, then there are the ones whom u used to cling on to at functions like this but it jz dont work this way anymore.

so what happens when almost evryone is attached to each other?

feel like a sore thumb? yep smtimes. *sticks out*

bleagh.

ok i tink i am having cabin fever. time to go out have sm fun with my swinging single friends! (eh TXL get well soon!!!!!)

and this happen to be quite an eventful wk at the hospital too.

for the first time in my entire life, i saw the resuscitation process occuring while a grp of doctors and nurses rushed around with grim looks on their faces.

and i realised tt perhaps it isnt as easy to control ur own grief as i thot it would be.

the patient passed away. this uncle whom i exchanged a few words with in the morning, who was alive and healthy n well.

they say tt guys make better docs cos they r less emotional. i really dont think so. yet u cant be too emotional as to break down when u encounter this kind of thg. as time goes by, u'd prob wont think abt shedding a tear. if tt day really does come, i'd feel sad for the loss of humanity.

there was another uncle, he broke down telling me abt his wife who passed away two yrs ago due to complications of diabtetes. she couldnt have been older than 50 yrs old. really felt like crying with him then. cos he happens to have a really sad life. wheel-chair bound from an industrial accident in which the company refused to compensate him, and now he has to be hospitalised again.

at times like this, words often fail me. how do u offer comfort? i dont like to say anythg. cos i feel tt anythg i say at a time like this will be so condescending. how do u tell him thgs will get better? can only hold his hand and wait for his tears to dry.

2005-07-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

i think i am falling sick. boo. on a friday evening smmore. how horrid. i want to puke. and i feel so giddy.

trying to keep awake while my hair drys... arghhhhh.

oh hey whos anonymous? quite surprising been awhile since i've an nameless commentor... haha. anyway... who says docs will marry docs?! if tts the case there wont be so many (i heard lah) unmarried female docs le... and hey! u need to find smone u click with mah. may not find in med.

oh well. kinda too sick to argue more.

hopefully... got time to blog b4 my wkend streak past again.

*head spins*

slacking

2005-07-05T19:59:00.000+08:00

there's going to be a new couple in my CG!!!! place ur bets ppl!!! ahha!!! this is really exciting!

considering theres only 6 ppl in my CG of whom 2 are already a couple.... no prizes for guessing who... =P

oh crap. wat a horrid day. didnt see my fav tutor and am having sm horribly tight shoulders.

i want a OSIM massage chair.

MAK fan club

2005-07-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

First week of sch has ended. *yawned n stretched* and already I feel stressed! But this is slacking-induced stress heh cos well my CG isn’t terribly hardworking compared to the rest. =P oh but I am really having so much fun!!! Though my official CG has been split up and me, esther, Eugene n philey joined yunxin n Diana instead. They r such great ppl!!! i love my CG!!! And the amazing thg was we all clicked really well, no sweat at all! Though I do miss xtine n wessie lah. Oh well…. Two CG outings within a wk. hmm. I am on my way to errr failing surgery posting heh.

I have always heard tt AH isn’t the best place to go for surgery postings, and in a way I guess this is true. Cos there don’t seem to be any lectures or bedside tutorials arranged!!!! *horrified* but yes, I am REALLY glad to be in AH. Cos I really think the team of surgeons my group is attached to ROCKS!!!!!! Totally awesome!

Dr Mak: our head consultant, one of the most amazing doctors I have ever met in my 21 yrs so far. The first time we met him, he offered us a smile and a handshake. That’s already quite rare! And he went on to show us some shortcuts we can take to certain places. That had us sitting up and taking notice of this exceptionally nice surgeon already, smone who doesn’t seem to have any airs although he’s the HEAD of his dept!

During OT: gosh. I really respected the surgeons after that five-hr long operation. In eclinics the ops I witnessed seem so easy peasy! I thot surgery didn’t seem extremely exciting after the first ten minutes of novelty-induced interest. But hey! The abdominal-perineal resection of the sigmoid colon and rectum really was a major op (in my opinion at least!) and thru it all, the surgeons were ever so attentive and hard at work! No toilet breaks, no tea breaks, no lunch breaks! And the OT nurses too!!! Always at hand to assist the surgeons! Wont go into details (erm tink it may not be very acceptable for non med frens ah) but there was a lot of bld. Gory. And rather messy. I really admired the surgeons!!! Imagine having to endure ur hunger ignore the calls of nature and having to teach pesky students like us at the same time while paying full attention to the op at hand! This is really multi-tasking! And yes, Dr Mak was so nice and encouraging to all those who scrubbed out to help! He always exudes this kindly and sincere and patient air abt him, we just cant help liking him so much! And he’s sooooooooooooooo very charming!

And so… we founded Mak Adoration Klub (MAK). HAHA!!! Aren’t we ingenius!!! *clapclaps* president’s me!!! Vice pres is xinxin! Dianasaur’s secretary! Esther’s er avid fan! Eugene’s in the subclub Mak Appreciation Klub. Haha and philey… wellllll he’s in DLC (for wat it stands for pls approach me directly heh! *winks*)

In SOC, we were totally bowled over by our Dr’s bedside manners. He’s simply WOW! I have never seen a doctor who’s so warm and approachable to his patients! I have seen plenty of nice doctors, but they always seem jz a tad too impersonal. Dr Mak’s different! As the patient walks in, he’d happily address him/her by name, and throughout his whole conversation, he’d sit facing the patient and listen. Really listens. With this look of utmost concentration and attentiveness. And his body language is telling the pt :hey don’t worry u can confide in me”. Oh gosh. I shall resolve to be as gd a doctor as him! And he’d always bother to ask if they have any questions. And if either the pt or their family have any queries, he’d always explain everythg very clearly and unhurriedly! His patience is amazing. =P

His status as our current idol was secured when he suggested having a tutorial by the fountain. Haha! So funny! Though we didn’t get to do it in the end since it started raining… so we went to the cafeteria and he TREATED us to drinks!!!!!!!!! *swoon* if not for the fact tt he’s happily married with 3 kids, I tink there’d b hoards of girls going after him lor. (btw pls don’t get the wrong idea he’s in his 40s I tink… we don’t have tt KIND of crush on him lah!)

And the rest of the team, like Dr Reyaz and our HO Sze Ching, they r so nice too!!! I am in seventh heaven. I tink its not so much the knowledge they impart tt really matters to us at the end of the day, but the fact tt they really don’t mind us and are willing to teach us! They really make me look forward to going to sch everyday!

But now there are rumours we may have to change teams after 4 wks… I am devastated!!! I cant bear the thought! To be fair I guess its smthg other grps will want (those who got the bo chup tutors) but I personally tink it takes time for us to warm up to the tutors n vice versa so we shldnt change teams!!! (yar but then I’d b singing a different tune if I got horrid tutors lah to b honest). WAH!!! But I tink I’d sink into depression! And my sentiments are shared by all my CG mates. Sigh. Pls grant my wish n let us stay on with our team of surgeons!!!! =(((((((((((((

Hai. Wkend is here. But we still have sch evry Saturday. I am feeling kinda panicky. I don’t see any free time for myself!!! Theres SOOOOOOOOO MUCH to read up during the wkends! And I still hav to go for my amore lessons. I have to reject so many bday party invitations n chalets and I still don’t seem to have enough time. Argh. And I feel so bad having to say I am not going! But seriously. Theres too many parties le. I still have to take care of mummy whos sick. Practise driving else my dad will b mad at me. Gah.

And I need sm time to myself!!! To rest. I am feeling so tired. Having to go AH n then still hafta mug. 5 hrs of slp isn’t enuff!!! I am having a really bad slp withdrawal syndrome. =P

Helppppppp.

noooo it cant beeeeeeee

2005-06-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

i am in shock.

my comp was reformatted yday.

today evrythg's gone.

i cant even find MSword!!!!

*panic attack*

wats wrong with the world...

y torture smone like me who took a few mths to pick up the guts to switch on the computer.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

and its officially The End of my holidays. *shell-shocked* its now 12.01am. n yes. my two "greatest" pals on earth have to announce it to me in tt gleeful u-haf-sch-i-dont-haf-neni-neni-poo-poo tone. tragic. wat kind of frens have i got...

my life as of today. will consists of dressing primly n properly again. n trying not to mess up evrythg i do. i resolve to be a changed person!!! *bravely* i am sure i can do without my 12 hrs of slp. (yar rite. dont get too near me in the morning. i may bite.)

my dad took me out to drive today. he seriously wants me to drive to AH. oh no. needless to say. i stalled only abt oooo 4 or 5 times.

not tt i am lousy!!!! i tink i am jz very rash. when i turn. haha! i feel like a stuntman. too much excitement for a day le. WHEW.

hai. its time for bed. but how can i get to slp at this ridiculous hr?! its so early! most days i'd still reading til 3. (nah folks dont worry nothg academic. gimme my comics n suspense anyday.)

alrite. bid a tearful gdbye to my bloggie. *patpat* hope i'd still have time to crap.

wanna b a racer when i retire

2005-06-24T01:36:00.000+08:00

Whee!!! Initial D rocks! I can almost believe I am a jay chou fan again!!! *beams* was expecting it to b erm actually quite lousy. Was all prepared for it in fact. But thot hey at least its abt racing sounds quite exciting rite?!

Haha it was actually quite funny!!! N I tink it helps to b watching wif frens who laugh at the same crappy jokes as me!!! (thx zy n louis) =D well. To tell the truth. I’ve nv seen jielun’s teeth b4 this. I am still reeling from the inreality of it! N *gasp* I mz say tt jielun looks quite gd. N shawn yue. N Edison chen (who has the cm-beat-me-up look!)!!! oh but I seriously like chapman to’s spoofiness!! Its so funny! Had me in stitches all the way!!! Reali felt like playing Daytona there n there when I was watching the show.

The way the car hugged the curves! Jz squeezed thru the opponents! Breathtakingly close! Whew! Reali a beauty to watch. Yar but I wonder how cm they wont get car-sick. Haha! I wonder how it feels to ride in a car traveling in tt speed? The adrenaline rush! Mz b reali exciting! But yar my life will prob b shortened by 10 yrs or smthg… =P

Oh yes. Argh. Hols r ending!!!! *stunned* tts it. Soon back to my pathetic life. I wont see my frens again. Byebye waking-up-at12. Hello books. *gloomgloomgloom*

exotic muscle aches

2005-06-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

I am rather amazed. I didn’t noe tt the axillary area has got muscles. I mean, yar, I noe by right it shld haf. But y should I b having muscle ache in the axillary area?!! Flabbergasted. I don’t tink I meant to tone my axillary area at all.

Feeling rather battered as it is. I tink… me n ah ting were too idealistic to begin wif! Ahha!! We thot we’d take amore by storm, like phwoar be the fittest gals within a wk n go for cls everyday. But the 1st lesson left us reeling in shock already.

1st lesson was Step n Sculpt. Suppose to be quite alrite for beginners. BUT sorry we spent most of the time tryin to catch wat the instructor was shouting out. (“charleston kick! Left regular! Right mambo! Right heel tap!”) n yes so most of the time we were looking perpetually bewildered n for me at least simply tryin to entangle my legs as I realized it should b my right instead of left foot etc etc. phew.

To add insult to injury. Smack in front of us were these 3 tai-tai aunties. Dressed to the nines in the newest aerobics fashion. Midriff bared. Fashionable blue attire trimmed with yellow. N skipping ard nv missing a single step! Right in sync with the instructor! N doing complicated reverse turns n wat-nots while I struggle to differentiate my left from right foot! They r my idols lah. I tink they mz be attending their nth lesson already!!! N yes. They haf tt “no-sweat” look on their faces. NOT panting at all. Not sweating at all. They look like its as easy as ABC. Aiyo.

Haha most of the time I was grinning inanely at myself lah. I cant help it! Its so funny! Too big a contrast btw the aunties n us fumbling fools. But I had fun! N wow my abdo muscles actually ached the nxt day! Impressive.

Hip hop was fun too… but the steps r actuallu quite short. Cos the lesson’s only an hr! but the instructor was really cool! If only we can dance like her… wow! I tink the guys will haf nosebleeds watching her dance lah! =P

And yes. Theres only one wk of holidays left. *sad look* sigh! I cant decide whether I shall spend my days lazing at hm or haf my fill of fun. Both r equally appealing. N YAY! Meiling’s bac! We stooges can go out 2gether n sing ktv like the gd old days! Mz teach her all the new mz-sing songs. *beams* had so much fun celebrating her bdae yesterday… ( HAPPIE 21ST BDAE MEILING!!!!) pretending that her bf was kidnapped n then asking her to do the most outrageous n crappy thgs in order to “rescue” him ahaha =P oh yes. N zy’s blackforest cake was…. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm HEAVEN!!! N of cos the $70 hilton cheesecake too! *faint* really like the chatting all night long part too… reminiscent of the old days when we were still schooling haha =P oh n it was a theme party too! lihui xtine n I dressed up as retro as we could, but smhow we morphed into S.H.E halfway thru the party. Zy n gang… lousy pokes! Simply put on bathrobes! *rolls eyes* n then there were the Pink girls! N the Pink n flower crowned girls! (who naturally won cos they really look nice n put in more effort than us… *guilty*) oh well! At least I got to haf the toy car from their prize (kinder surprise choc eggs heh) =P petty zy tried to steal it lor. tsk.

Oh well. I better catch sm slp. Lips cracking. Feeling dehydrated. MALAISE!!! Hai. Only slpt abt 3.5 hrs today haha. Yeay! Oh pls ask me out ppl. Else I’d choose to slack at hm. N I jz noe tt I’d regret it.